Gay and lesbians who have lost partners


Gay and lesbians who have lost partners

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Started by Tony Przybyla. Last reply by Kevin Dadouses Apr 18. 1 Reply

lost my partner of  42 yrs last may.  still hurts and this stay at home isolates even more. hard to move forward but am trying.  have been out of touch w/ gay community for last 15-20 yrs...due to…Continue

Looking for people who can understand my loss

Started by Amanda. Last reply by Amy Bartola Sep 3, 2019. 10 Replies

Hello, my name is Amanda. I lost my partner over 3 years ago. It was a sudden and unexpected loss. I'm still grieving and struggling with it. I came on here hoping to find people who could understand…Continue


Started by April Fiorillo. Last reply by Care Johnson Feb 21, 2019. 2 Replies

Lost my ex girlfriend to cancer and a brain aneurysm and it burst. Was with her many years, having a very hard time moving forward. You see she called me and died on the phone while we were talking,…Continue

Another Excellent Group is now on Facebook

Started by Robert Davis. Last reply by Pauline Overton Nov 4, 2018. 2 Replies Last year, one of the folks here, Niel, was looking for a more responsive and easier…Continue

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Comment by Jeanne L on November 23, 2014 at 4:29pm

I'm still trying to catch my breath. My partner of 22 yrs, married for 5, died Oct 2. Like so many others that have posted, I'm OK, on the most part, out in public or at work. Sometimes I start daydreaming or thinking about things and reality hits me in the face. I get very, very sad. Alone, I ache.  

Comment by Dennis McCormack on November 3, 2014 at 6:51pm

Just joined this group (I think!---just noticed there are various ones). Lost my partner of 20 years Sept 5, 2013. Decided to seek others in the same spot. Still not finding it much easier to cope. Still have little interest in going out, seeing friends or doing much of anything. I am 67 years old and feel not much zest in life. Feel alone and washed up. The future seems bleak. How would I ever find the happiness I had? I'm sure many feel the same. Friends and family say to "get out" and do things, but so easier said than done. Even my appetite has gone downhill. As my brother (who lost his wife almost two years ago says, "If I can't nuke it, I don't do it". Often times a sandwich is th best I can do (I used to be the cook and having someone to cook for gave me motivation). It's even hard to shop for ONE. At least my brother has his children and his adored grandson to ease the pain. So many of us GLBT, lack that. Friends and others just sort of "don't get it", saying get out and do something. I know I SHOULKD but Easier said than done. And at this stage of life I don't have a large group of friends, having gone through the first wave of grief with the AIDS years and so many friends leaving. Now leaving due to age. Anyway, thanks for letting me share. Peace.

Comment by Don Fournier on October 30, 2014 at 3:20am


I've kept a journal by my bedside for a year now and every so often I go back and read what I was feeling last year. Its a helpful reminder on how well I've done coping with my loss. It doesn't take the pain away but it is a good outlet for me. My partner's words to me "you'll be fine" always got me through the really tough times and as much as I hate to admit he's right.... well he's right. Everyday I get up and say "ok what am I facing today" and then I tackle it head on. Some days are better than others but I keep pushing myself.

It's only been a year for me and now that my head is finally coming out of the fog I'm starting to remember all the little things he use to do to make me laugh - he was quite the character. He had a great attitude about "laughing through life" and that spirit helps me through my rough days. I miss him terribly but I know he's around me... I feel him. Take care - Don

Comment by Lisa on October 29, 2014 at 7:44pm

Erick and Don,

Appreciate what you've shared and that you reached out. In my relationship with Kelly, of 11+ years, 7 of those were spent worrying about/fighting cancer. Granted it didn't become 'terminal' right away but nevertheless, the "C" word as I've called it sometimes, is a terrible partner in a relationship. It's hard for me to believe it's going on 5 years, next Feb. Very sorry for your losses, both of you. It is so different to be able to talk to others who know what it's like. Early on for me, when I was sobbing, soul crying, in bed at night, someone recommended that I write Kelly. I did this and it helped...then. These days, writing does help me some. I creatively write and paint which are good outlets. I just haven't found someone local to me to connect with who knows what this kind of grief is like, even after years...

Take care, Lisa.

Comment by Don Fournier on October 29, 2014 at 3:52am

Hello Lisa

I just made the 1-year without my partner. I agree with Erick - publicly I put on my best smile and deal with it the best I can. But privately I feel so alone and overwhelmed. Sometimes even the smallest things will stop me in my track. 

I hope you find this group helpful... I have found it to be comforting to know there are others who understand what its like to lose someone you love so much. Don

Comment by Erick Querci on October 28, 2014 at 9:18pm

Hello there Lisa.

Well my road down this path has not been as long as yours but I hope your journey is getting a bit easier for you to get through day by day. My wonderful partner Clark and I were together 31 and a half years before he suddenly passed away July 7, 2013. Years before, I had lost my parents and older brother to a drunk driver that hit them head-on in an automobile accident. At that time I thought I could not have felt more grief than at that time but I was wrong. Losing a partner you truly love has to be, for me, the worst thing to have to go through. For me, every day is still just as hard as that first day. We learn to handle our grief in public but boy... in private, alone in our homes, it is a very different story.  

I was lucky to connect with another member on here. A lovely woman who lost her love of over 30  years. We started emailing and even skyping after a few months. We cry and share our stories with each other and it has helped me a lot. You do need to advance a friendship slowly and carefully though. I believe most of the people who come to this website are genuine and caring but it is the internet after all, so please be careful. Just my two cents... and please know that there are a lot of us that care for you... even though we may be total strangers... our common sorrow brings us close together. Be well. 

Comment by Lisa on October 28, 2014 at 7:00pm

Hello everyone. My name is Lisa. I lost my partner and wife, Kelly, on 14 Feb 2010. Been trying to connect to other folks who know what that's like for years now but just haven't quite made that connection. It's been a tough road. Just thought I'd say hello.

Comment by Nancy Kennedy on October 10, 2014 at 1:29pm

Hello All!

I was so happy to find this site in 2012 when my partner of 28+ years passed. Because she had a heart condition diagnosed for four years prior to her passing, we did talk about what we would do if anything happened to one or another, as I've been in chronic pain since a near-fatal accident in 1979. As I've also been in recovery from alcohol for over 35 years, I knew that I would need to be very careful. The higher power works in mysterious ways as my Mom's Alzheimer's worsened after my partner's death that I had to focus on being the caregiver as my Dad, with the same illness, has been bedridden for a number of years. Taking it, sometimes one minute at a time, enabled me to continue living as my partner wanted me to. I was blessed to meet another retiree whose partner had committed suicide many, many years ago. We're now together, married as the state where we live permits that, & spending the last phase of our life together. I know that my partner would have approved; we both talk about our former partners as they may be gone but they are treasures nonetheless! Nanc

Comment by Don Fournier on October 10, 2014 at 12:56pm

Hi Mary

It goes without saying that you were blessed with 42 years. I only had 17 years and feel so cheated as I'm approaching my first anniversary of his death on October 22. People tell me it gets easier with time but I say BS it does - you just learn to adjust to the pain and keep pushing forward. There are times when I'm so lonely that all I do is cry. But I remember something my Nils always told me.... "Don you'll be fine. Don't be sad because that's now what I want for you. I want you to be happy. Remember our good times. But most importantly... live!" So I take those encouraging words and push myself harder. I used to smile all the time but in the last year I've forgotten how - that's what I'm working on now. You will have good days Mary and you will have bad ones too. But remember you have to live too. Its not easy. Don

Comment by Mary on October 10, 2014 at 10:46am

 It's been 43 days since I lost my wife of 42 yrs  suddenly from a heartattack and as the time goes by it just keeps getting worse. I find myself being strong when people are around but when I'm alone I can't stop crying. It's so exhausting I don't want to do anything. I use to be very active but can't get going anymore. How do you get on with your life when there so much pain? 


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