Gay and lesbians who have lost partners


Gay and lesbians who have lost partners

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Members: 210
Latest Conversations: Oct 3, 2019

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Looking for people who can understand my loss

Started by Amanda. Last reply by Amy Bartola Sep 3, 2019. 10 Replies

Hello, my name is Amanda. I lost my partner over 3 years ago. It was a sudden and unexpected loss. I'm still grieving and struggling with it. I came on here hoping to find people who could understand…Continue


Started by April Fiorillo. Last reply by Care Johnson Feb 21, 2019. 2 Replies

Lost my ex girlfriend to cancer and a brain aneurysm and it burst. Was with her many years, having a very hard time moving forward. You see she called me and died on the phone while we were talking,…Continue

Another Excellent Group is now on Facebook

Started by Robert Davis. Last reply by Pauline Overton Nov 4, 2018. 2 Replies Last year, one of the folks here, Niel, was looking for a more responsive and easier…Continue

He saved me - now he's gone who will save me now?

Started by robert j crowley. Last reply by Pauline Overton Nov 4, 2018. 20 Replies

I already know the textbook answer is that "I must save myself."  So for me those text book answers seem so impossible.  in June of 2007 I met Richard - and we were never apart until he passed on…Continue

Tags: alone, desperate, Lost

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Comment by Michael Reda on January 27, 2014 at 10:59pm
Hang in there, Dan. Just get through tonight, and then you need only worry about getting through tomorrow. Just focus on one day at a time. That's how I am getting through my Jim's death up to now. And my offer stands. Call me anytime if you need to talk to someone who has been there. I'm here anytime. Day or night. Sending Love your way. - Mike
Comment by Dan Brown on January 27, 2014 at 10:51pm

Tonight's the first night since Doug passed that I am going to TRY to sleep in our bed.  The entire 11.5 years we were together we only spent two nights apart. I'm feeling alone and nauseous. I put the shirt he wore his last day, on his pillow. It won't be the same, ever again, but it's all I have.   I want to go to sleep, dream of him, and never wake up.   I'm considering getting up and bringing a pup to bed. We never let them in here, but some company might help. I know everyone says it'll get better, but I just want it to not have happened. I'm sure that's not very helpful to my mental state, but I don't care. 

Comment by Dan Brown on January 25, 2014 at 12:24pm

Tonight is Doug's memorial.  I'm trying to tell myself today is no worse than yesterday or the day before.  He's no more gone today than any other day this past week.  But I can't seem to make the tears stop.  I thought yesterday was going to be an ok day.  I sat home with the pups and didn't cry as much as I thought I would, then last night it just hit like a ton of bricks and hasn't let up. I know his friends and family will try to comfort me tonight, but saying goodbye, hearing his favorite pasty cline songs, seeing his pic and those of us, will break my heart even more, if that's possible. 

Comment by Bill Neely on January 24, 2014 at 4:58pm

Dan: deepest sympathies for  your loss, I lost my partner Josh 2 months ago today, you probably won't remember much of this week, I know I have a huge blank space between doing CPR at 1:30 in the AM and having him declared dead at the hospital at 2:20 AM, and spreading his ashes on Dec 29th. I will let you know that you will survive , and the "new normal " that everyone talks about will suck for the near future, but, things do start to become a routine again,

Comment by Dan Brown on January 24, 2014 at 2:29pm

Saturday I lost my 39 year old partner, Doug, of 11.5 years. I'm still in shock & don't know how Ill survive. I feel so lost and alone & was hoping I could find some comfort here.  His celebration of life is tomorrow & I'm not ready to say goodbye.  Doug  my entire life. I feel like a puzzle missing the final piece to make me whole.  Our 3 furbabies are the thing helping me through this process. 

Comment by geri hen on November 22, 2013 at 12:46am

Hi Kimmy, I belong to this group and another web site for lesbian widows.  I lost my partner of 30 yrs. on Aug. 1st to a staff infection cause by cancer that was misdiagnosed.  I am sorry for your loss, I really am.  Every day I cry about missing Sharon.  The house is very empty without her and it seems as though there is no purpose anymore.  I have been told that the first year is the worse and for other the second because during the second the shock is gone and reality sets in that our loved one will not be coming back.  Maybe you entered another relationship too soon, maybe you needed a little more time just process your feelings and perhaps seek counseling or a support group.  If your not sure what to do maybe it's better to do nothing.  Doing nothing is also a choice.  Grieving the loss of Jules will take time and you need to be gentle with yourself.  If you want to talk further I'll give you my email.  Sending you a hug, sounds like you need one.  Also sending you a prayer.  Geri

Comment by Kimmy Jo Borders on November 21, 2013 at 10:09pm

I just joined...I lost my partner and soulmate in April from Liver cancer.  I was her caregiver and best friend.  I miss her so bad.  It seems hard for others to understand our relationship. I tried to have another relationship and it just didn't work.  I don't think she could handle my sad days.  She walked out on me two weeks ago because of it. I have come to terms with the realization that my Jules will never be back.  She is gone from me.  I sometimes wonder if my life will now go on alone.  She was such a strong woman and fought the best fight. 

Comment by Scott on October 31, 2013 at 4:28pm

Hi Steve,

I'm really sorry to hear your partner passed.  My partner of 13 years died in April after being diagnosed with liver cancer.    Like you said, you probably are still in a bit of shock.  I know I was pretty much numb for a month or so.  Like Shane said time does ease the pain a bit. Right now, be gentle on yourself.  Do what you have to but listen to your body.    Without a doubt, reach out when you need to.  We're all in this together.      Scott

Comment by Shane Clements on October 31, 2013 at 4:26pm


I know exactly what you are feeling! I feel i too never appreciated Billy like I should. As you stated it was the little things that were the hardest, the ones that seemed so huge after he was gone. The feeling that someone was there that had your back, the one person in the world you could tell anything to and know you would never be judged! The one person who totally got you and loved you even though you had faults of your own. The sad feeling of not knowing what would the future bring. would i ever have love again in my life? sadly in the gay world it all too often seems we judge others we meet by their height, weight, waist size, or race or well too many things and not whats inside. I guess that realization comes with maturity and age as i too have been guilty of the same judgmental attitude. All too often it seems, and i might add it was not like this when i was 20 but seems once a gay brother or sister reaches the ripe old age of 30, they are dead anyway. Its extremely hard as i got over the bar scene in my late 20's and just plain find it hard to meet good people who want friendships first. Maybe its because i am in a smaller college town that everything seems to be geared towards the younger generation, im only 51 but where do you even meet gay men for friendship, im not sure what the answer is, but in a small town its extremely hard. So i have way too much time on my hands to think over seemingly every minute of our 26 years together and that in itself can be very painful. I initially had this feeling of despair and deep deep sadness that no one else understood. My remedy was to volunteer. All i do know although im not sure what the future will bring, i didn't want initially to even stop grieving as i felt i was betraying Billy and his memory. I am thankful for a wonderful therapist. And for finding this site. There is not much out there in the way of help for grieving gay people who lost a partner. So everyday is a struggle, but as i said the pain and feeling of despair does get better with time, and of course great friends help, a support system helps. The first year will be extremely difficult as im finding out due to the fact that it will be the first everything in 26 years without him around, Christmas, birthdays, Easter, all holidays and special dates. I wish for you a peaceful and life that is happy again real soon filled with love and smiles my friend! and know ill surely be here if you just need to talk! ok now im beginning to babble so forgive me if none of this made any sense whatsoever! Hopefully one day things will be good again!

Comment by Steve Levin on October 31, 2013 at 3:57pm

Thanks Shane.

I had the memorial a week after...same as you, cremated and no formal religious service.  While I'm happy I chose to do it, it forced me to actually face that this has happened.  Now I just feel sad  and lonely.  You never appreciate all the little things that the other person does in your life.  I miss the feeling knowing that someone always knew where I was or cared what I was doing.  Sort of like being in a little raft in the middle of the ocean.


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