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Latest Conversations: Aug 10, 2020
Started by Tony Przybyla. Last reply by Kevin Dadouses Apr 18, 2020. 1 Reply 0 Likes
lost my partner of 42 yrs last may. still hurts and this stay at home isolates even more. hard to move forward but am trying. have been out of touch w/ gay community for last 15-20 yrs...due to…Continue
Started by Amanda. Last reply by Amy Bartola Sep 3, 2019. 10 Replies 0 Likes
Hello, my name is Amanda. I lost my partner over 3 years ago. It was a sudden and unexpected loss. I'm still grieving and struggling with it. I came on here hoping to find people who could understand…Continue
Started by April Fiorillo. Last reply by Care Johnson Feb 21, 2019. 2 Replies 0 Likes
Lost my ex girlfriend to cancer and a brain aneurysm and it burst. Was with her many years, having a very hard time moving forward. You see she called me and died on the phone while we were talking,…Continue
Started by Robert Davis. Last reply by Pauline Overton Nov 4, 2018. 2 Replies 0 Likes
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LGBTgriefsupport/ Last year, one of the folks here, Niel, was looking for a more responsive and easier…Continue
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In AZ too Rad and Arvin. It’s been a little over 3 weeks (May 8, 2016) since I lost Joe to cancer and it really, really hurts. My heart/chest ache constantly and I feel nervous all the time. I am on Zoloft, but I can’t tell if that is helping me or not. His cremains are in my living room next to his picture and I talk to him in that way daily. I miss him so much. We went through the hospice home care for the last 2 weeks of his life and I saw him slowly and then quickly decline in health in our home. I know from him and others that he did not want me to hurt. He told me before that he was worried about me and wondered who would take care of me. I thought I could handle it and I told him that I would be okay. I’m not. The only comfort I get is when I think that he is no longer always tired, or sick, or in pain. He is now with God and his passed relatives. I now live alone in a house that was already too big for us and it feels so empty. He used to cook meals for me while I worked. Now, I don’t even cook for myself and have problems keeping up with chores and daily life. We really didn’t establish a friendship network, so I don’t have many close friends to confide in and my siblings all live far away. I did have friends over this weekend to keep me company and it just was not the same. I have lost my parents and others, but this far outweighs the sadness, loneliness, and desperation I am feeling now. I am used to calling Joe every day for whatever reason, just to hear his voice. I now cry a lot when I want to do just that. There’s no one at the other end now. Please someone, tell me what you may have done to lessen the pain. I do still work, but it only preoccupies part of my days and I find I don’t talk as much at work because I am not “out” at work. Bless you all.
Good Morning Group. My name is Arvin & I live in Arizona. I found this group & this forum in an effort to cope & maybe understand or come to terms with my loss. I lost my partner, the love of my life, of 10 yrs on December 4, 2015. He had health issues with his liver & a medicine he was inadvertently prescribed took his life on Nov. 12, 2015, He had a serious negative reactions to it that eventually took his life after 2 ½ wks in the hospital. He spent his last days in ICU's in 2 hospitals & I was right there at his side all the time. It's very emotional for me to write this out because it becomes all too real again so please bear with me. I was fortunate to have been with him every day at the 1st hospital but when they transferred him out to a specialist hospital hundreds of miles away, I was only able to get to him in the nick of time to see the medical staff put him on a respirator. I had only reached the hospital by car and made it to the hospital ward with no more than 30 seconds to spear. I was only able to tell him, "I'm here now. I'm here. Be strong. Don't be scared. I love you. You know I love you... I love you. I'm here. I'll be right here." He replied, "Okay Arv, let them put this stuff on me then you can all come back in." That was it. I was then escorted and ask to leave the room while they put him under for the procedure. The rest of the day, his vitals declined until there was no more hope left but to prepare for the obvious. His parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, several cousins and uncles who were fortunate were able to be with us that morning. Unlike me, they got to spend a whole evening & night with him. I'm being told that he shared things with them which probably gave them better closure but I was only given a short time to say those last words to him. The doctors gave us no options for his recovery & eventually they started asking his parents what they would like to do. In his failing condition, it was either leave him in his coma & wait for him to eventually go into cardiac arrest or pull life support & allow him to "pass peacefully." His parents asked me what I thought we should do but I was not going to let him go so easily. I felt like even though they were his parents and family, I somehow had more vested in this decision because I was his partner & they knew this. However, after several hours of discussions & more doctors’ interruptions, I had to finally let them make their decision as mom & dad. As the evening progressed, his parents finally made the decision to remove him from life support & he drifted out 10 mins. later. I was there to the very end holding his hand, rubbing his forehead & stroking his hair, trying my best to comfort him as he passed. I'm not sure if he knew I was there but that's one of the things that kills me the most about this. I don't know if he knew what was happening to him. We all cried and broke down. It was literally, the saddest thing & day in my ENTIRE life. It's been 2 months exactly since he left & I'm on a continuous roller coaster of dread, panic/anxiety, grief, loneliness, heartache & depression. I've been talking to people & some understand but others are only being nice. Most people knew of our relationship & the amount of time we spent together. Still I cry almost daily & I just can't seem to find a way to feel OK anymore.
Eric,All you knew when you left his room was that his passing was imminent and probable but NOT that it would occur before you returned. Even if you did have some power to know that, what is done is done. If you insist upon feeling guilty for leaving so as to NOT witness his passing and be with him until the end that is something you will have to face, reconcile with and resolve on your own. No one can help you do that except yourself. I hope you find resolution and peace easily.
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