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Comment by Don Fournier on August 15, 2015 at 3:17pm

Hi Eric

Take comfort that your partner didn't want you to see him died. My partner passed away in his sleep, in his own bed, in our home.... Just the way he wanted. He was so fearful of dying in a hospital bed. He waited for me to come home from work after covering for an evening shift, which I rarely did. I kissed and hugged him good night and said ' I'll see you in the morning' like I had done for 17 years. The morning of October 22, 2013 saw my world crash down around me and my life hasn't been the same since.
I know he's around me and truly believe I have an angel watching over me. My deepest sympathy to you Eric. I would like to tell you it gets easier in time but it doesn't. I miss him more than I could ever imagine.
Take care of yourself - Don

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:35pm

It's so easy to forget the times I would cook meals for him 3rimes over until he would find something he could tolerate and all those round the clock meds as well as bathing him cleaning up vomit , cleaning the commode and all house hold things damm I did a lot!! And I would do it all again just to have 1 more minute with him

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:28pm

I suppose beating my self up over the final moment is useless. After all I was there with him 20 plus hours a day, slept over night with him in the hospital, and took round the clock care of him at home giving him needles 4 times a day as well as iv antibiotics every 6 hours for 12 weeks . I really was there for him so I should be quite proud

Comment by J Greene on August 15, 2015 at 1:18pm

I spent every night at Hospice when my Mom was there. I woke up at 12:40am turned and found she had passed. The nurses told me. They don't want you to see them pass away. That was 7yrs ago.My partner of 21+ years, passed away on January 10th 2015. I was there, and able to kiss him on the lips as the monitor flat lined. His family said I sent him Home.

Comment by Steve Feldman on August 15, 2015 at 12:20pm

Eric,All you knew when you left his room was that his passing was imminent and probable but NOT that it would occur before you returned. Even if you did have some power to know that, what is done is done. If you insist upon feeling guilty for leaving so as to NOT witness his passing and be with him until the end that is something you will have to face, reconcile with and resolve on your own. No one can help you do that except yourself. I hope you find resolution and peace easily.

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:30am

Every morning I wake up and I'm happy because I think that he still alive and then it sinks in that he's gone and I'll never see him again and the tears come into reminds me of how I just went to sleep I hope this will change

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:25am

I was lucky enough to have him wake up and say goodbye to me and I knew that it was only going to be in a matter of another couple hours I just didn't want to watch him Gasp for his last breath but I still feel selfish for. Not being there to hold his hand when I could have been

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:22am

It took me three hours to leave the room that night because I knew you were going to go it was a little bit selfish because I want to my last memories of him until you buy that we had not gasping and gargling fail like I knew it was going to pay when I did leave the room I got home prayed to God to take them into hours later they called me and told me he was gone I just feel little bit guilty I didn't stay to the very end that's all

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:21am

I

Comment by Steve Feldman on August 15, 2015 at 1:52am

Eric,  Thank you for your condolences. Yes, you knew it was coming BUT NOT WHEN. You cannot have second guessed that it would have happened before you returned to see him, yet again,  the next day. Our minds just block out such a possibility. It was pure Fate that an ICU doctor called me with the news in time to be with my love when he passed. As I said, he was comatose and I do not know if he sensed my presence. He died on his actual 75th birthday and I believe he held on until I could be with him then as a special gift to ME. We were partnered for 50 years and then married for an additional 3 years. So we had previously, thousands of times, told each other of our undying love just as you partner had told you, along with those 5 kisses, shortly before he passed. You must stop feeling any guilt and only concentrate on holding all the deep love for him in your heart and sweet memories in your mind. Your souls will join in eternity. True love never dies. it is eternal.  Never doubt that.

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