Gay and lesbians who have lost partners

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Gay and lesbians who have lost partners

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Latest Conversations: Feb 15

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Looking for people who can understand my loss

Started by Amanda. Last reply by Kay Feb 15. 2 Replies

Hello, my name is Amanda. I lost my partner over 3 years ago. It was a sudden and unexpected loss. I'm still grieving and struggling with it. I came on here hoping to find people who could understand…Continue

Another Excellent Group is now on Facebook

Started by Robert Davis. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 30, 2017. 1 Reply

https://www.facebook.com/groups/LGBTgriefsupport/ Last year, one of the folks here, Niel, was looking for a more responsive and easier…Continue

He saved me - now he's gone who will save me now?

Started by robert j crowley. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 19, 2017. 17 Replies

I already know the textbook answer is that "I must save myself."  So for me those text book answers seem so impossible.  in June of 2007 I met Richard - and we were never apart until he passed on…Continue

Tags: alone, desperate, Lost

6 months went by and something released in me. Still VERY ANGRY but able to function

Started by robert j crowley. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 11, 2017. 12 Replies

So - yes 6 mos passed on May 4.  A week or so later I did feel something inside me let go in some way - I want to live and enjoy life again.  I can't go back and that part of me that thinks I can is…Continue

Tags: looking, relationship, new, alone, angry

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Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:28pm
I suppose beating my self up over the final moment is useless. After all I was there with him 20 plus hours a day, slept over night with him in the hospital, and took round the clock care of him at home giving him needles 4 times a day as well as iv antibiotics every 6 hours for 12 weeks . I really was there for him so I should be quite proud
Comment by J Greene on August 15, 2015 at 1:18pm
I spent every night at Hospice when my Mom was there. I woke up at 12:40am turned and found she had passed. The nurses told me. They don't want you to see them pass away. That was 7yrs ago.My partner of 21+ years, passed away on January 10th 2015. I was there, and able to kiss him on the lips as the monitor flat lined. His family said I sent him Home.
Comment by Steve Feldman on August 15, 2015 at 12:20pm

Eric,All you knew when you left his room was that his passing was imminent and probable but NOT that it would occur before you returned. Even if you did have some power to know that, what is done is done. If you insist upon feeling guilty for leaving so as to NOT witness his passing and be with him until the end that is something you will have to face, reconcile with and resolve on your own. No one can help you do that except yourself. I hope you find resolution and peace easily.

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:30am
Every morning I wake up and I'm happy because I think that he still alive and then it sinks in that he's gone and I'll never see him again and the tears come into reminds me of how I just went to sleep I hope this will change
Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:25am
I was lucky enough to have him wake up and say goodbye to me and I knew that it was only going to be in a matter of another couple hours I just didn't want to watch him Gasp for his last breath but I still feel selfish for. Not being there to hold his hand when I could have been
Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:22am
It took me three hours to leave the room that night because I knew you were going to go it was a little bit selfish because I want to my last memories of him until you buy that we had not gasping and gargling fail like I knew it was going to pay when I did leave the room I got home prayed to God to take them into hours later they called me and told me he was gone I just feel little bit guilty I didn't stay to the very end that's all
Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:21am
I
Comment by Steve Feldman on August 15, 2015 at 1:52am

Eric,  Thank you for your condolences. Yes, you knew it was coming BUT NOT WHEN. You cannot have second guessed that it would have happened before you returned to see him, yet again,  the next day. Our minds just block out such a possibility. It was pure Fate that an ICU doctor called me with the news in time to be with my love when he passed. As I said, he was comatose and I do not know if he sensed my presence. He died on his actual 75th birthday and I believe he held on until I could be with him then as a special gift to ME. We were partnered for 50 years and then married for an additional 3 years. So we had previously, thousands of times, told each other of our undying love just as you partner had told you, along with those 5 kisses, shortly before he passed. You must stop feeling any guilt and only concentrate on holding all the deep love for him in your heart and sweet memories in your mind. Your souls will join in eternity. True love never dies. it is eternal.  Never doubt that.

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:19am
And Steven case I haven't mentioned it before I'm truly sorry for your loss I'm glad you were there every day for him I'm sure he really appreciated that and so did you
Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:18am
But thank you Steve I do agree left this world knowing I loved him and that means to world of difference to me
 

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