I definitely feel your pain, Tina. We lost our fiances in so much the same situation. It has been 2 years on October 8, but still I can't seem to heal my wounds. A huge piece of my heart was taken from me when he passed. He was only 33 years old. He did leave me 2 beautiful children...a 4 yr old daughter named Gianna and a 2 yr old son named Dylan. He just could not overcome the love of his addiction. Please don't think of suicide. I have thought that, too, but then I could not leave my kids without a mother also. My prayers are going out to you. I think he knows how much you loved him.