Lending a Shoulder and an Ear

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Lending a Shoulder and an Ear

I've lost a spouse and would like to help

Location: Holland, Ohio
Members: 37
Latest Conversations: Sep 30, 2016

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loss of my mother

Started by frances elizabeth hedden Oct 30, 2010. 0 Replies

How is everyone doing today?

Started by Graceann. Last reply by BRENDA May 25, 2010. 2 Replies

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Comment by Sharon Stricklen on November 7, 2010 at 10:57am
Hi Grace Ann, it's Sharon Stricklen, I know it has been awhile, I don't have my computer anymore. My brother in law, Carls brother gave it to me after Carl passed away and it was a life saver but it needed repair and he took it to fix it and it was weeks. Well I am on my neighbors now and I saw my brother in law on so I asked him about the computer and he jumped off line as did his wife. So I was chatting with his sister, my sister in law and told her that they both hopped off line when I asked them a question and it hurt my feeling, well he read that and is very angry with me saying I was talking behind his back. I just don't understand and I am really hurt by all of this. So now it seems as if I am sinking backwards instead of going forward, guess I sound like I am rambleing, sorry
Comment by Dena on October 4, 2010 at 9:16am
I get so mad at myself for alllowing myself not to go on. I try.... I've been with my fiance for 4 yrs and yet we haven't gotten married we tell people it's because we don't have the money but honestly I think it's because my heart still lies with him who's passed. I keep telling myself I'll see him on the other side but I know in my heart it probably isn't true, so why can't this help the healing and lost feeling. I keep telling myself he was in the past I need to go foward. It's so hard, my heart goes out to everyone who is on the same boat. I do feel much better after talking to a few people on this website. It really does help. I never felt comfortable going to a meeting to talk about my feelings, I just sort of delt with them, well maybe that's why I'm still stuck in this. Not sure. Thanks alot for listening. I really appreciate your lending ear :)
Comment by Dena on October 4, 2010 at 9:06am
I dreed this time of year, his birthday is on Oct 30 he would have been 35. Christmas is also bad we meet on 12/14/93 he was killed on 12/14/99 I still think that's a little to coincidental. 11 yrs I've been mourning him longer than I knew him, do you think that's healthy?
Comment by Graceann on September 21, 2010 at 12:52pm
Dena,
Time doesn't stop us from hurting or missing those we loved. They are always with us. Time helps the pain and hurt to not be so intense. It's been 13 years since I lost my husband, the years have passed and when I watch our grandchildren excelling and doing such wonderful things, I think how much he would have enjoyed being here to see them and yet with faith, I know that he is here watching and being proud. I just don't have him here (physically) to watch and talk and share. But God gives us faith to know that their spirits are always with us. Love is the greatest gift and when blessed with that, it never goes away. Be strong dear Dena, you are not alone. I'm here if you need my shoulder. Take care, Graceann
Comment by Graceann on September 21, 2010 at 12:52pm
Dena,
Time doesn't stop us from hurting or missing those we loved. They are always with us. Time helps the pain and hurt to not be so intense. It's been 13 years since I lost my husband, the years have passed and when I watch our grandchildren excelling and doing such wonderful things, I think how much he would have enjoyed being here to see them and yet with faith, I know that he is here watching and being proud. I just don't have him here (physically) to watch and talk and share. But God gives us faith to know that their spirits are always with us. Love is the greatest gift and when blessed with that, it never goes away. Be strong dear Dena, you are not alone. I'm here if you need my shoulder. Take care, Graceann
Comment by Dena on September 20, 2010 at 2:33pm
I lost my soul mate on 12/14/99. I was 20 at the time.
Even though it's been this long I still miss him as if the wound is still fresh. Everone told me then as time goes on it will get easier. I think it's alot harder now all these years of memories and thoughts is what drives me crazy now. I've learned so much. With all the time and affort that one puts in to know that one day it could all be gone. I never did grieving counselling which I'm not sure if I could do, since i lost him i've become so emotional wreck I cry at the drop of a dime. I just need to talk to people who understand me. Thank you for listening :)
Comment by M Walden on May 18, 2010 at 9:35am
Husband Jim, 38 yrs,passed 1-24-09 Mal.Brain Tumor.Fought hard and lived 22 months.I left my job to be his complete caregiver.Brain Surgery,Lifetime Rad.then Avastin Chemo.Finally no cancer for 3 MRI's.Drs.stopped treatment for 24 weeks and Jim was doing so well.But I worried still.He lost an Aunt and Brother same tumor.Dec,2008 he changed quickly and was gone Jan.24th.My guilt comes from not pressing the Drs to do one more round of chemo to make sure it was gone,not a second opinion and cruising along with them knowing how dangerous it could be if it came back.He went from catching fish to not swallowing,nausea,lethargic within days,we began treatment again but it was in half his head then.The Dr met me at the Hospital and said "did you call anyone?"Then Jim was gone. I loathe myself and even though I work 12 hr a day and move forward I am so sad and hurt I failed to recognize or ask more of his Drs and at least got their reply of if another round of chemo could be given.Drs at Duke Brain Institute say stop torturing yourself just be glad for what you had.Thoughts?
Comment by Cathy on April 18, 2010 at 4:26pm
I lost my husband to colon cancer when he was 47. My son was 13 at the time. My husband's cancer was misdiagnosed and very advanced when it was finally diagnosed. He fought very hard to stay alive for almost 4 years after a 10 hour surgery initially. He was on chemo for most of that 4 years. It seemed like there was support from friends when he was first diagnosed, but as the disease consumed him, more people (some life long friends became distant). When he died, I felt some support for the first 6 months, but then nothing. The worst thing for me was that all of my son's life long friends suddenly avoided him. The house used to be full of friends, then NOTHING. I know 13 is an age when friendships change, but I can't help but believe that a lot of the avoidance was because of the friend's discomfort. He feels very alone. It is hard to heal when others won't let you express your sadness. And my favorite comment is you have to move on and live your life. I have!!!! I found a job with benefits to support my son and me. But why wouldn't I miss him? He was part of my life for over 20 years. Plus I not only grieve for my husband, I grieve for my son who lost his dad.
Comment by Juanita on April 18, 2010 at 12:50pm
almost 2 years my husband committed suicide with me
trying to pull the gun away. He died in my arms as I lowered him to the floor. Just can't get over it.
Comment by Anita on March 18, 2010 at 12:48am
I lost my husband "John" almost four years ago and it still seems like yesterday. With work and trying to keep things together I never tried to seek grief support groups for I thought going back to work would be all I needed to survive and it has for the past 4 years but now the bordorm and loneliess is really becoming a reality. It saddens me to see couples together, for it reminds me of the good times John and I spent together. Everyone says I need to find a way to meet people but how? We were married for 25 years and it's not that easy to jump into dating and with all the crazy people out there it's scary to think about. My kids are great but I know they need to go on with their lives, they can't always and don't want to always be my companion. I know I didn't just lose my sole mate and partner in crime as recently as many of you but it still hurts and I thought maybe talking to anybody would help. Thanks for listening and reading.
Anita
 

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