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loss of a parent

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at a total loss

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MOM IS PREPARED

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Comment by Keleigh Kilgore 18 hours ago

Those who have experienced this... tomorrow is my first Birthday with out my mom... I am dreading the whole day and trying to so my best to plan things so I don't stay in bed all day. As much as I have told my family I just don't want it acknowledged this year, I know they will. Last year my mom was dying but well enough to have dinner with me. It was so special. She stayed out so late we got locked out of the respite home she was staying out. We laughed for weeks about how I kept her out past her curfew and got her in trouble. It was a tough birthday b/c I had just lost my daddy and he chose to celebrate the whole month (mostly b/c he had Alzheimers and couldn't remember the exact day) and he was my best friend. Mom and I knew it would be our last together... it was weird knowing that the woman who birthed me into this world was soon to leave it. This year is the first with out mom and with out mom and dad together. This sucks.... I sometimes feel like an orphan 

Comment by Sandra E. Byrd on January 21, 2015 at 8:24pm
Susie, I'm so sorry for all you are going through right now. Losing your mom hurts so much it's hard to face each day. Some people find it helps to write in a journal, even letters to their loved one. Any emotion is ok, valid,even normal at this point. I hope you are able to be with loving supportive people who give you freedom to grieve.keep writing here too. We care.
Comment by Debbie Winans on January 21, 2015 at 9:56am

So sorry for your loss Susie.   Your Mom was so young.    This is the right place to be to share your feelings with people that have gone through the same thing.  I definitely miss my Dad every day, but know he always wanted me to be happy and live my life to the fullest. 

Comment by Susie on January 21, 2015 at 8:43am
Hi my name is Susie and i lost my mom on January 10,2014 just over a week ago...she was 61yrs old...my heart is so broken right now...it doesn't feel so real...im so lost without her
Comment by Debbie Winans on January 20, 2015 at 12:25pm

I'm new to this group too.  Lost my Mom 15 years ago and my Dad almost three months ago.  I see such a pattern with guilt.  I feel a lot of that too.  My Dad had a lot of problems, was in the hospital then recommended to a nursing home rehab to get his strength back.  He never really snapped back in the nursing home like we expected.  He passed away a couple of weeks later.  I always wonder if I had brought him home and got help there if it would have been different.  How do others deal with the "what if" situations?

 

Comment by Sandra E. Byrd on January 19, 2015 at 8:45pm
Thanks Melinda. I am very sure he is in heaven with his girl as he called her. And I know we will be together someday. He was such a strong Christian and we often did faith related activities together.He called me his Godsend. He died during the night after his great grandson's birthday where he had his favorite food. It makes me happy to realize that. He was 87. Feb 8 will mark 1 year.
Comment by Melinda Guinn on January 19, 2015 at 8:24pm
It takes time Sandra. Sometimes a very long time! Don't second guess yourself. God's time is always the right timing, Lord please heal Sandra's heart and mind, let her know her dad's in a better place now and they'll be reunited one fine day!
Comment by Sandra E. Byrd on January 18, 2015 at 10:32pm
I was at my dad's house for almost an hour early on a Saturday morning. When I went in to wake him I found him dead. No warning. I knew there was no reason to try CPR based on his looks. What if I had opened his door sooner? But I didn't so I have to believe God took him when it was the right time. It's been almost 1 year and I pray someday the events of that morning will hurt less. I miss him so much.
Comment by Danyale Main on January 18, 2015 at 10:22pm

Keleigh, I think, from what you've said, that you did the best you could. :) No one ever really knows how to take care of a patient, let alone when it's your own family. You mention guilt, I feel it everyday I sit at this table in my house. I wasn't more than 30 feet from my mother, who was supposed to be in bed sleeping. I sat her for two hours, and didn't think to check on her like I usually did, but that entire two hours I sat here, she was in her room, dying. When I woke up that afternoon, I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen, but I didn't know what, and I struggle everyday, wondering if I could have saved her life, if only I checked on her sooner, or done something different.

Comment by Keleigh Kilgore on January 18, 2015 at 10:57am

Melinda I can't imagne the loss of a child, I don't think there could ever be a greater loss. My ex-husbands grandmother lost all 3 of her sons to just random things and I never understood how she got through that.  Danyale, your experience is very similar to mine. My mom passed in June, was also an artist, and we didn't get along very well. I was the only one who stepped up to care for her. I quit my job put everything on hold only for her to tell me I was a bad caregiver and was doing everything wrong. I had never taken care of a dying parent...I did everything the dr's told me to do yet I have guilt b/c I feel like I didn't do enough.  Like with your mom I know she loved me, and I loved her, I just feel like I was left with no closure.

 

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