Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Phoebe on October 2, 2009 at 4:22am

Hi Jen,
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a parent is a big one. I lost my dad a long time ago as a child. It was a terrible shock. Give yourself time, treat yourself well. Find beauty in nature (a walk in an arboretum or conservatory), the ocean, music, especially classical pieces (Chopin's Nocturnes, Mozart "Eine kleine Nachtmusik" Romance Andante, etc.) Let yourself feel what you are feeling, it's the only way through it. Your dad's spirit is still with you. Take comfort in the knowledge that when it is your time, you will see him again.
P

Permalink Reply by garyla on October 3, 2009 at 12:05am

i just lost my father sept-19-09, and i feel my whole world is gone,i was with my dad everyday. if i wasnt with him we talked on the phone 5-6 times a day. i was with my father when he passed away as i promised him i would never leave him. i agree with alot that i have read there is alot that u never get to say no matter how much time u have. me and my dad was always a team and now our team has been split,i just dont know what to do,he has always been my rock,my best friend. he made sure i grew up right,he promised my mom (she passed away when i was 9) i think it was easier when i was younger cause i did not have all these years with my mom as i did with my dad.not saying it still didnt hurt cause it hurt,but this is a hurt i cant describe 1 i dont know if i can ever move past. i wait for my calls knowing they have stopped. im sad,mad,hurt,depressed,numb,all at once and i dont understand it dont think i ever will. all i know is this pain has got to stop its more than i have ever imagiend my insides actually burn and have a dull ache. i know makes no since but its true. i love you daddy!!!!!!!!!!!

Permalink Reply by Jenn on October 3, 2009 at 11:40am

Hi Garyla,
I just found this website recently as well , my Dad passed away Sept 12 09 . 3 weeks today. I feel like you do, my heart is aching so bad. I am a bag of emotions like you, hurt, sad, numb, depressed, etc.
A friend of mine loaned me a book called Grief Recovery and even though I am only 1/4 of the way through it and it is helping me . I am feeling angry at my friends for how they were "not" re-acting to my loss and I feel SO ALONE in my pain. I know it's wrong to feel that way and I am finding this book is helping me to understand "grief " as this is my first loss. It is so incredibly painful. I would suggest you get this book and start reading it too and see if it helps you even a little bit as it is helping me.
Jenn

Permalink Reply by Robin m Earhart on October 6, 2009 at 3:53am

Just make sure you tell your dad how much you love him say all the things you need to say even if you feel you shouldnt go there. Before my dad died we had a lot of opportunities to talk about what if he died but we did just did not want to go there neither he or I. Now I regret it I wish now I could of asked him "Dad how do I deal with it if you do go?" We were so close inside I know the answer but I would of liked to hear it from him comforting words my dad was the one with all the knowledge everyone went to him now the whole family is lost..................Just say what you need to say and most of all hold him for awhile. When my dad took his last breath I placed his hand on the back of my head; cause I just wanted to feel that before they took him from me. It's been almost 4mths and there is not a night I dont cry myself to sleep I miss him dearly my Father, my Best friend in the whole world.............

Cathy Cooper said:

I am about to lose my Dad to prostate cancer and it is almost too painful for me to stand. He has been a great father and although he has had this for awhile, he has gone downhill so quickly, I am unprepared to lose him. He is a great Dad and Papa to his grandkids. He had a long talk with us last night that went on for several hours; him giving advice, reminicing and telling tales of his youth. He is 78 years old and a huge part of my life. How do you deal with this? I lost my Mom 20 years ago but this is so raw and unnerving.

Permalink Reply by Stella on November 19, 2009 at 1:11pm

Hello, I know exactly how your feeling..my dad passed away nov 4th 2009. we found out 6 months ago that he had liver cancer and the doctors told us that it was at stage 4 so his chances were very low. but they told us that he would have at least 2-5 years with chemo. he went to chemo but that made him even more weak and chemo just didn't do anything for him so 2-5 years ended up being less than 6 months...last doctor check up the doctor then said no he has less than 2 months ...which ended up being 2 days..he passed away right in front of me in his bedroom with hospice care in the room. i couldn't believe it and with everyone coming around i felt ok , but now that everyone is gone and the funeral is done with i feel so alone. i miss him so much and everytime i go pass his bedroom i see everything that happened. its such a terrible feeling because i was such a daddy's girl. i was so close to him and now he's gone. he was only 61 and he didn't even see me get married. i dont know i guess this is part of life and you have to accept it as the days go by. we are all very sad and we still cant believe that he's gone. :(

Permalink Reply by pam on November 20, 2009 at 10:12am

Jen;
I definitely know how you are feeling, I just lost my father going on two months ago. I am most definitely lost. I have a great big whole in my heart. I feel like I am walking around in a huge fog and can't come out. My father was only 72 and it was sudden, he was only in the hospital for 2 weeks. My only comfort is that he is at peace, and that he is with my mother and grandparents.

Pam

Permalink Reply by Claudine on November 21, 2009 at 2:21pm

I feel the same about the confusion and feeling his presense.

Permalink Reply by Dawn Ciringione on November 21, 2009 at 3:32pm

I share so many of your feelings. I knew on some level that my father couldn't live forever. What I didn't know was how difficult it would be for me in the past month since he died Oct. 21 at age 78. His death was unexpected in that he died of a massive stroke, although he had been on chemo a few months for advanced kidney cancer. Since his death I've come to believe that he was fighting to stay strong for his family more than for life itself. I believe his body could not fight any longer, and pray that I always feel his presence.

Permalink Reply by Jenny S on November 23, 2009 at 1:16pm

Hi,
Jen I can't tell you how I feel so much of the exact same feelings!!!! I lost my dad completely unexpectedly on April 27, 2009. I think of him EVERYDAY! I miss him sooo much. I too feel lost as to where he went - I too have the logic, but when you can't call him on the phone "hey Pop!", I just don't know. I'm the youngest - the baby - at 37 still feel like I'm daddy's baby. We were so close, and I just miss him. He too went very quick, didn't get to say good-bye, but he was very energized and I guess it was the best way to go. Some days are pretty "normal" and others (like today) are just sucky! :( I have soo many memories and have absolutely no regrets, but I just plain miss him!!!!!! I'm strong and "fine" for my kids - they miss their "papa" too. That's it.......... just miss my Pop!

Permalink Reply by A S on November 24, 2009 at 7:37pm

The bible makes this comforting promise at Psalm 34:18 "Jehovah God is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves" and at Psalm 55:22 it also assures us this; "Throw your burden upon Jehovah God himself, and he, himself will sustain you. Many people have found it helpful to talk about their feelings with a trusted friend so how much more helpful to pour out your feelings to the God who promises to comfort our hearts?

Permalink Reply by Tina on November 28, 2009 at 9:41pm

Jen,
I lost my father only 4 days ago... The pain is still very fresh therefore I am still in shock. My dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer in August of '07, received chemotherapy for 6 months and in January of '09 was diagnosed with metastatic bladder cancer to the lungs and bone. Unfortunately, it was detected in his brain in September of '09. He grew very ill and it was painful for all of us to watch him suffer for 6 long months, especially the last 3 weeks of his life. I am the youngest child of 4, I was your typical attached "daddy's little girl". When I go into the house (even only being 4 days) it feels empty, waiting to see him in the chair or waiting to receive a call on the cell phone. My mother is lost and so sad after 42 years of marriage. He was young which doesn't help, only 65. It seems so unfair why someone has to suffer for so long. I do believe in after life and heaven (as I explain it to my 4 and 5 year olds). I know the loneliness is going to get worse and the pain may increase... any help on how I can get through these next few months for myself, my children, my husband and to help my mother in any way possible?

Permalink Reply by John on December 1, 2009 at 10:35am

My father who was in his seventies died last month and although I knew it was going to happen at some point (his health had declined rapidly over the last year) we all thought he would be around longer and it was quite a blow. Some would say that Dad would “get over” his latest health issue but things changed quickly and he was given a week or two to live. We were all able to see Dad before he died which was good (only 4 days later) but he did not have much energy at all and it was terribly difficult to see him in his weakened state. Given that he was having such difficulty, it is probably for the best that he went quickly as he suffered towards the end, but it leaves a void in me that hurts and my mind often drifts to reflection about him being gone (missing his voice on the phone, the empty chair, etc) and my not living up to his example and the effect he had on people. Normally I am in pretty good and in control of my emotions in public but I didn't think I could say anything personal at his funeral without losing it and only read a psalm during the event. It seems like even in my forties you are still "the son" and to some extent still "the child" and more carefree with a person to confide with. Now with him gone it feels that “the son" is gone as the mentor is gone and a feeling of loneliness prevails. I am sure it will get better as it is already after almost four weeks but I keep wondering if I can live up to his example. Feeling lost with no Dad seems to sum it up and this Christmas will be a tough one.

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