I am sorry for my spelling as My mind doesn't want to function these days...My father battled renal failure for 8 years. He just turned 58 on Valentines Day. I gave him a birthday party that he was hoping for as he knew it would be his last. Dad's kidneys were the first to go, then his heart, he had a pacemaker/difibulator put in. From what I heard from the drs never stayed the proper time on dialysis. I know he never followed a renal/cardio diet 100% but he tried. He always said that kind of diet would kill him. In dec 09 he broke his ankle (so we thought) x-rays last week showed that the tissue in his ankle ruptured in which that in turn w/out controlling fluid / salt intake for years lead to arterial and venous ulcers on his feet. He also had copd, congestive heart failure. He had a angioplasty for the 2nd time on his heart in January to prolong his life by 5-10 years as I heard from the dr myself. When he went for that these problems were there with his one foot. The left foot had these ulcers, leg was turning red. After the cast came off of the other foot that foot and leg developed ulcers. He was in the hosp for 2 weeks because of these infections and denied going to a care center for follow up care. Drs informed us that if this didn't clear up he would lose his legs. Dad made the choice that if this were going to happen he would stop dialysis.. He made this choice when he was of sound body and mind. He came home here for a few weeks and after speaking with the drs everyday and a visting nurse, he could barely walk the past year and was hallucinating, falling, sleeping all the time. Feet and legs hurt real bad.. I MADE HIM return to the hosp the day after his birthday. I told him alittle over a week before that he was going no ifs,ands or buts. I made him go back, I sounded like a mean daughter.. He went back to the hosp on the 15th of Feb. He could barely sign his name that day. Tuesday the 16th started the ultimate downfall. He was slurring his words, couldn't understand him except when he yelled. He was hallucinating even more. Tried to light a cigg in his hosp rm. Told me the drs were there with him smoking, There was a dog growling from under the bed. Finally he was moved closer to the nurses station. Nurses understood what i was saying everyday that, that man was not my father. He was acting different, wasn't normal I swore up and down he had stroke. drs said no that it was dialysis and it causes lethargy. Well it was happening on days of no dialysis. The vascular drs thought infection might have started to send toxins to the brain and so did the infectious disease dr. Finally after days of me yelling they got a neurologist in there on Sat morning the 20th. Neor thought maybe stroke but highly unlikely, he was thinking toxins.. He said dad was not acting normal. Sleeping, falling asleep in the middle of a conversation. Couldn't understand a word that he said... THey ordered catscan for the next morning. That day the drs also did a DNR with him that he always said that he wanted that to be taken care of. Well I got the drs to do it that day. Dad knew the date and everything so it was able to be done. He was coherant at the time. That evening I went back the the hosp for my 2nd trip of the day with a grooming kit to shave my father. He was uncooperative. The drs came to see me while I was there that after being on the strongest and last resort antibiotic in the world. The infection wasn't responding well and the legs would be amputated.I had a second opinion done early that week and the dr advised me that there was no hope. Just as my fathers drs agreed that night and we went in at about 7pm and told my father he would lose his legs, he said he wanted to think about it for a few days, that this was not a light choice. Well dad was not of sound, body and mind then. He was clearly acting abnormal.Dr said my father made his wishes known weeks prior to becoming so full of dementia. Well I helped dad cut up his dinner, got him a new can of soda as he was trying to open a can of soda with a broken tab. Opened him lemon ice. He tried to get up without nurses to go the bathroom. The nurses helped him. While in the bathroom he fell asleep on the bowl. LOL. He then finally knocked when he was done after we told him pull the cord when he was done. Finally he pulled the cord. Nurses went in there. Dad pulled his IV out. After alittle while I left went home made phone calls to family & told them that dialysis would prob be stopped next week as dad infection was not getting better and spreading. at 11:40pm. I got the phone call that they found dad unresponsive and he died. He died in this sleep (so they called obstructive sleep apenea now, this is the definition, even though we know it as a disease.) The nurses checked on him 10 mins prior and one nurse decided to check on him cause they didn't see him leaning in his chair as he always did when he slept. THey found him sitting back in the upright positition and he was already long gone... My grief has only begun. I am beating myself up left and right. I made him go back. I can go on and on. That will be in the next post... The SEPSIS got dad and I will beat myself up forever

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This has been terrible for you and I want you to know that I'm reading along and praying for you.
Ty. I am not sure what to do anymore. I know sepsis got dad in the end but I truly feel I am responsible.

Yvonne Hess said:

This has been terrible for you and I want you to know that I'm reading along and praying for you.


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