lost my best friend my mom 2/23/2010

I know how all of you feel, I lost my beautiful full of life mother to a 3 week battle yes 3 weeks with stage 4 lung cancer with maths to her brain. It all started with a little memory loss and a cold we thought, talked her into going to the er and within 2 days we were faced with the unbelieveable truth CANCER. We were given a 2 week to live without radiation. She was so brave never cried in front of us kids. So she came home with me and my sister and we started the radiation. After only 6 treatments she went from 97 lbs to 84 lbs stopped eating and was so weak when she got home from the hospital after the treatments and could only sleep. This all happened within 1 week. This cancer is the most horrible devil I have ever seen in my life, the pain and suffering to the person and their family is so horrible. How this can destroy a person in just weeks it has to be stopped some how, all the research is still not stopping all the people loosing their lives. So after the 6th treatment I said good night to my mother and came to her the next morning to find her taking her last breath , she died that morning two days before her birthday. It has only been a week but seems life a life time, I miss her so much it hurts. Before this she was full of life doing every thing on her own driving 40 miles every weekend to stay with me at my house. I lost my father 23 years ago , so my mother was the one who picked up the pieces and we went on, now she is gone. I dont think this hurt will get better. I wish I had the answers to why we all have to suffer such great loss in our lives? I can only hope to get the support to get through this great loss.

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Permalink Reply by Stacey Ussery on March 3, 2010 at 11:46pm

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words to help. I am praying for you right now.... hoping that you find some peace. I lost my mom one month ago today. I empathize with your pain. I am sorry you hurt.

Permalink Reply by Kelley on March 4, 2010 at 1:56am

I am so sorry for your loss as well. Cancer is a cruel, cruel disease that devistates families. I lost my Mother (Mother to 3, Grandmother to 8) 2 months ago after a 3 year battle with cancer. She was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer after her colon burst- I will never forget that night. Her cancer had already spread to her liver and lymph nodes. She became a guinea pig for the doctors, and though we trusted her medical team greatly, in the end she suffered much more than was necessary. I would never imply that your Mother's death was easier because it was quicker. I will tell you though that watching a cancer death progress slowly isn't a blessing either. I have two brothers. We have each dealt with Mom's death differently, but I can say that- as with everything- focus on what you can do, don't fixate on what you can't change. Medically, what could be done was done. Through my Mother's death I learned -or was reminded that - there are SOOO many wonderful people on this earth that are loving and selfless (ie-nurses, volunteer workers, some Doctors, and many strangers). Through her death, I have found a renewed faith in humanity. I am grateful for that realization, though I miss Mom every second of every day. She was, and will always be my very Best Friend. Wishing you peace.

Permalink Reply by susan chojnacki on March 4, 2010 at 7:38pm

kelley,
Thank You so much for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear of your moms suffering, it must have been so painful for you and your family. I dont know whats worse the long suffering or the short shock of such a fast death. Either way we lost our mothers, they both had so much to live for. I also wish you peace and hope with time we both can go on with our lives, I know the void will alway be great.

sue chojnacki

Kelley said:

I am so sorry for your loss as well. Cancer is a cruel, cruel disease that devistates families. I lost my Mother (Mother to 3, Grandmother to 8) 2 months ago after a 3 year battle with cancer. She was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer after her colon burst- I will never forget that night. Her cancer had already spread to her liver and lymph nodes. She became a guinea pig for the doctors, and though we trusted her medical team greatly, in the end she suffered much more than was necessary. I would never imply that your Mother's death was easier because it was quicker. I will tell you though that watching a cancer death progress slowly isn't a blessing either. I have two brothers. We have each dealt with Mom's death differently, but I can say that- as with everything- focus on what you can do, don't fixate on what you can't change. Medically, what could be done was done. Through my Mother's death I learned -or was reminded that - there are SOOO many wonderful people on this earth that are loving and selfless (ie-nurses, volunteer workers, some Doctors, and many strangers). Through her death, I have found a renewed faith in humanity. I am grateful for that realization, though I miss Mom every second of every day. She was, and will always be my very Best Friend. Wishing you peace.

Permalink Reply by susan chojnacki on March 4, 2010 at 7:46pm

Stacey,
Thank You so much for your words of prayer. It helps so much to have people like you who care enough to reply , I am to sorry for the loss of your Mom. I know it will take a very long time to heal I can only hope with time we can all find so peace.

sue chojnacki

Stacey Ussery said:

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words to help. I am praying for you right now.... hoping that you find some peace. I lost my mom one month ago today. I empathize with your pain. I am sorry you hurt.

Permalink Reply by Anne on March 4, 2010 at 8:17pm

I am so sorry for your loss, as I lost my mom in a very short time 3 weeks as well I have not even begun to morn her yet as I am still dealing with so much paper work and it has been 4 months. I am awaken by dreams that the doctor is telling me it was all a mistake and that she is still alive.
I am about to have my 48th b-day in a few days and while i am not young my mom was my best friend as I have seven older brothers (no sisters) and was her baby, my father passed away when I was 6 she was both my mother and father.
I want to start to feel better as I know she is in a better place and is no longer feelin any pain

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on March 4, 2010 at 8:52pm

Anne..
Sorry for the loss of your Mom. I lost mine on her 64th bday right after my 46. I was very close to your age and just going into menopause. It was a rough 5 years the time I morned. I still miss her greatly but not as bad at first. It will get better. I know that keeping busy helped me keep it together. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Stacy, Susan and Kelly.. your not alone.. many are here with you, praying for you. God bless.

Permalink Reply by yolanda on March 4, 2010 at 9:49pm

Susan, never read anything like your story (experience) of your mother dying. My heart goes out to you. My fahter died 1/15/2010 from a heart attack. He beat prostate cancer 5 months eariler only to die when he got up to use the bathroom.
My heart is broken in a million pieces. Feel like my life will never be the same. So truly understand your feeling of sadness and lost. I'm reading the 7 stages of grief my girlfriend since me internet site. Every night I read the different stages of grief. Have not made it past stage 3 yet may never get to stage 7 but that will be ok... Just trying to learn to live without my dad. Who was the center of my life.

Permalink Reply by susan chojnacki on March 5, 2010 at 9:19pm

Yolanda,
Thank you for your kind words. I really know how your heart feels, like mine. I dont even know where I am at in the 7 stages, I cannot get over the shock of her being gone. I hope we can find some peace in this. Some times I think I will never feel good again. I will pray for all of us as we are all in the same boat.

Sue Chojnacki
yolanda said:

Susan, never read anything like your story (experience) of your mother dying. My heart goes out to you. My fahter died 1/15/2010 from a heart attack. He beat prostate cancer 5 months eariler only to die when he got up to use the bathroom.
My heart is broken in a million pieces. Feel like my life will never be the same. So truly understand your feeling of sadness and lost. I'm reading the 7 stages of grief my girlfriend since me internet site. Every night I read the different stages of grief. Have not made it past stage 3 yet may never get to stage 7 but that will be ok... Just trying to learn to live without my dad. Who was the center of my life.

Permalink Reply by susan chojnacki on March 5, 2010 at 9:41pm

Anne

I am also sorry to her of your Moms passing, I know how hard it is to let them go. We also are dealing with a paperwork nightmare, its so sad to have to go through all of this. When we should be greiving our Mothers we are trying to get through mountians of paperwork. I can only hope with time this all gets better. I know my Moms loss will hurt me for a very long time to come. I keep wanting to call her on the phone every day to talk, God I hope this gets better for us all.

Sue Chojnacki
cite>Anne said:

I am so sorry for your loss, as I lost my mom in a very short time 3 weeks as well I have not even begun to morn her yet as I am still dealing with so much paper work and it has been 4 months. I am awaken by dreams that the doctor is telling me it was all a mistake and that she is still alive.
I am about to have my 48th b-day in a few days and while i am not young my mom was my best friend as I have seven older brothers (no sisters) and was her baby, my father passed away when I was 6 she was both my mother and father.
I want to start to feel better as I know she is in a better place and is no longer feelin any pain

Permalink Reply by Jan Hoyle on March 5, 2010 at 11:27pm

Dearest Susan, It sounds like the relationship you had with your Mom was as precious & special as the one I had with my Mom. I lost Mom May 8, 2006 to that devil - CANCER!!! It is something that the ones left behind never get over 100%!! My Mom was my EVERYTHING!!! My Dad died Sept. 3, 2008. My 2 sisters chose that time to "distance" themselves from me permanently! i feel in my heart that I truly know your pain. I have no answers - I just wanted you to know I care!! Jan Hoyle

Permalink Reply by susan chojnacki on March 6, 2010 at 8:17pm

Jan,
Thank You so much for your kind words, they mean so much . I was having such a bad day today missing my mom your reply helped me through my day. I am so sorry about the loss of both your parents, it seem so alone when they are both gone. I really know how great it feels when you have a special Mom like we both did , but boy does it make it hard when there gone. Im really sorry about your sisters, I hope they will come around and you all can be a family again some day. I hope we all can find peace in our lives to help us cope with all of these great losses. Thank You again for helping me make it through another day.

Sue Chojnacki

Jan Hoyle said:

Dearest Susan, It sounds like the relationship you had with your Mom was as precious & special as the one I had with my Mom. I lost Mom May 8, 2006 to that devil - CANCER!!! It is something that the ones left behind never get over 100%!! My Mom was my EVERYTHING!!! My Dad died Sept. 3, 2008. My 2 sisters chose that time to "distance" themselves from me permanently! i feel in my heart that I truly know your pain. I have no answers - I just wanted you to know I care!! Jan Hoyle

Permalink Reply by ali on March 6, 2010 at 9:29pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I am thankful that we can all share our stories with each other. I lost my mom too to cancer on December 17, 2009 after losing my dad to a stroke in September 2007. My mom helped me through my dad's passing, but when my mom passed I felt so alone. I also have siblings, but my sister (the one I needed the most) and my oldest brother decided they would never speak to me again after my mom passed away. Not only dealing with the pain of losing your mom, but your sisters not being there too. People handle grief so differently and do not realize that they hurt the ones the love. My heart goes out to all of you on here. My prayers are with you. I too wait for the phone to ring everyday. My mom was my best friend in the whole world and I miss her so much. I am in my early 30's and feel so lost without my parents.

Jan Hoyle said:

Dearest Susan, It sounds like the relationship you had with your Mom was as precious & special as the one I had with my Mom. I lost Mom May 8, 2006 to that devil - CANCER!!! It is something that the ones left behind never get over 100%!! My Mom was my EVERYTHING!!! My Dad died Sept. 3, 2008. My 2 sisters chose that time to "distance" themselves from me permanently! i feel in my heart that I truly know your pain. I have no answers - I just wanted you to know I care!! Jan Hoyle