WHAT DO I DO WHEN ALL I THINK ABOUT MY MOTHER EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS BEEN DEAD ALMOST A MONTH?

IAM LOST IN A WORLD WHERE I FEEL THAT IAM ALL ALONE NOW THATS MY MOTHER IS GONE.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sally Bagwell on March 5, 2010 at 6:04am

I'm sorry your Mother passed,my Mom passed Oct 1 09 and I'm still heart broken. It take's time to learn to live without of Mother's. I'm not going to lie and tell you a bunch of untrue facts like some friends of mine. Everytime you think about her, she's in your heart! No one knows how bad we feel until it happens to them. I'll help you! I'm still standing, and our Mom's wouldn't want us to stop living. I have a 24 yr old Son & a wounderful Husband. Hang in there, I check this awesome sight 2 times a day, get some rest it does help in our healing. Take care Friend, we are here for each other.
Sally

Permalink Reply by Cheryl on March 5, 2010 at 7:11am

You are feeling just like many of us. I thought I couldn't live without my mother. I depended on her totally - emotionally.

I worried about her dying for about 30 years! I cried for years everytime I left her after a visit even though she was perfectly healthy. I said I wouldn't be able to live without her.

It's been three months. It has been so hard. But little things are happening to make me learn and grow through this pain.

Your Mom is watching and cheering for you. You will see her again, but until then, notice little things that you are thinking and know that through this pain, God is making you an even deeper and more compassionate person than you were before. I am sorry you have lost her, but you will be with her again and she is watching you still with love and she is happy and healthy.

Permalink Reply by Sarah on March 5, 2010 at 9:45am

Shaylar, My Father passed away Feb 5th 2010 a month today I understand how you feel all I think is my Dad I lost my Mother 32 years ago when I was 6 I'm 38 now I have a husband and a beautiful 18 yr old daughter. They have been amazing support for me, but unfortunately dont understand my husband has both parents, my daughter well she's 18 and admits she still thinks Grandpa is at home a few doors down from us. My father was my everything to me growing up and because the loss of my Mom we really relied on each other probably too much. We found out he had cancer Jan 11th of this year and 3 weeks later he was gone, last night I had a dream about him and he it was like he knew he was gone but he was telling me to do something and right now as I sit here I'm trying to remember what it was he said. I look for him everywhere, I cry on my way to work and on my way home. It's just not fair he was only 66 and if you saw pictures of him at Christmas you would never know what was going on. He was a real man's man never complained about anything, worked very hard, always had a smile and loved to make people laugh. He was my best friend. People tell me you have to concentrate on the good times, the love he gave me and know he's always with me in my heart. I just look at them and think thanks for saying that but it really doesnt make me feel better at all. I try not to cry too much in front of my husband because he doesnt understand how I feel. I have Aunts and Uncles, cousins, sister and brother from another marriage that live far away. It was always just me and my Dad. My Dad lived a few houses away from me and I go there all the time which I think is making my husband upset, I think this weekend I will go and take the most precious things of his home with me kind of like bringing him home. We lived together almost my whole life except the last 5 years in which he was just a few houses down the street. Everytime I leave the house I look down the street, we did everything together grocery shopping every weekend, I tried to go away for a few days to cousins house but left the next morning because no matter what you cant get away from this, it's just not going to go away til time heals us. You cant just have someone so special in your life and then not the next. It's not a divorce it's death they are gone forever. I find talking to him, listening to his favourite music, thinking about our adventures and just having a good cry alone helps. The one thing I dont want to do is alienate my daughter and husband they are doing the best they can with their own grief and know I cant be like this forever and wont be I go to work I clean my house but you have to take that time in a day for you and your grief. I dont know if anything I'm saying helps just know there is help out there and there are people going through the exact same thing you are every moment of everyday. We will get through this and show the love that we received to other people. I'm thinking of doing something for him really great I just dont know what that is yet but I'll figure it out. Anyways take care of yourself and get love from your family and friends. Sarah

Permalink Reply by Jennie M Nielsen on March 5, 2010 at 10:15am

Shaylar, There are so many of us that have been losing parents, so know that you are not alone. Everything you are feeling is "ok". There is no magic time table or remedy. Rest, prayer, loving friends & family, eating right all will contribute to the healing process. In the last 18 mos we have lost 2 grand parents, my father-n-law & most resently my mother-in-law (Feb 10, 2010). And to top it all off, my Boxer, Josie this last Tues. I tell you that faith is the best medicine. But you still have to get through the grief. Praying for your peace.

Permalink Reply by Pam on March 5, 2010 at 7:37pm

Sally Bagwell said:

I'm sorry your Mother passed,my Mom passed Oct 1 09 and I'm still heart broken. It take's time to learn to live without of Mother's. I'm not going to lie and tell you a bunch of untrue facts like some friends of mine. Everytime you think about her, she's in your heart! No one knows how bad we feel until it happens to them. I'll help you! I'm still standing, and our Mom's wouldn't want us to stop living. I have a 24 yr old Son & a wounderful Husband. Hang in there, I check this awesome sight 2 times a day, get some rest it does help in our healing. Take care Friend, we are here for each other.
Sally

Permalink Reply by Marcia on March 18, 2010 at 7:55pm

I think it is normal to think of your mom all of the time. She JUST died. My Dad died a year ago and I think of him every day and cry too. She gave you life and loved you so much. Of course she is on your mind all day. Just cry whenever you can. Let it all out. Ask your mom to help you keep walking in this world. You are not alone at all. There are so many people that have great losses in life. Let this time of deep pain, be a time of clarity. You are being held together by Love. It is the worst feeling to feel lost, alone, isolated, and it creates fear. The truth is you are not alone, you are not lost, you are grieving. You don't need to be afraid because she is in a beautiful place.

Permalink Reply by Stacey Ussery on March 31, 2010 at 10:55pm

Shaylar,
You feel lost and alone right now. Your heart is broken and your mind is trying to reconstruct your life to match your new reality. These changes take time, please be patient with yourself.

You are not alone. Even though you don't feel like it, you are still tethered to this world. This site is full of people who are reeling... just like you. We are all going to get through this. It is going to take lots of tears, lots of time, and lots of patience.

Rest. Eat well. A month is not a long time to adjust to the loss of a mom. It is going to take a long time, but I promise you will get to a place where you can be happy again. You mom wants you to be safe and content. We honor our mothers with our tears, but also with our lives. Our moms created us and then tended to us for years. Our lives, in a way, are a living tribute to them - the fruits of their labor. So grieve now. And when the time comes, live well. Your mother is still close. That kind of love and protection does not end.

I just prayed for you and will keep you in my thoughts.

Permalink Reply by barbara on March 31, 2010 at 11:57pm

What i do is cry and reread the obituary and call my brothers - that i never talked to that much before and yell at my husband and project that the hospital is at fault and scream and cry and isolate and talk to closest friends and cry some more just before i look at pictures call her home to hear her voice on the phone ... look at her facebook page; relook at last pictures taken ;;; recall all the things happening just before IT happened and cry some more... 2 and 1/2 months now...an eternity that seems longer than her 85 years on earth...

Permalink Reply by Sue Davis on April 1, 2010 at 3:25pm

I really don't know how to use this website, but I can at least reply. I know how you are feeling.. My mother has been gone now for 8 months and I miss her just as much if not more.. My Dad died 2 years ago and my Mom grieved over him. I felt so bad for her. I am still missing both of them.. They were my best friends ever! I am single with a daughter 32, and I feel very much alone.. Hope you and everyone here including myself will eventually heal and be able to get on in our lives. Death is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.. Take care! and God Bless!

Sue

Permalink Reply by Ellen on April 1, 2010 at 4:25pm

My Mom died this past Sunday at the age of 86. I lost my beloved dog last May and my Dad 2 years ago at the age of 86. People try to help but just speak in cliches or seem to think that because they were old it is not that bad. They are wrong. I have cried so much that it hurts. Their memory is everywhere in everything. I had no time to grieve for Dad because I then had to care for my Mom. They both tried so hard but got so tired. My Mom told me to go on and be happy. I am going to try to do that but expect a lot of dark days as well. It is so strange how the world around me goes on like nothing happened and you want to scream and tell them about what you have lost. People expect you to make fast decisions now about the rest of your life. And to clean out and erase what is left behind. I cannot. And when your parents die it means that you are next in line. That is hard to face.

Permalink Reply by Eden Jones on April 1, 2010 at 7:47pm

My father has been gone 7 weeks and 2 days and iam barely functioning about to loose my job and just cry all the time. He was 61 and has lived with me since 2001. The past 2 years have been the Hardest and we didnt have a funeral we are having a celebration of life for him on sat just like he wanted so i hope i will get some closure then all i can tell you is hold all close that you love and remember to tell them everyday how much you love them.

Permalink Reply by lkp on April 2, 2010 at 1:35pm

My goodness, 1 month & you are still engulfed in grief? Well, guess what? It's been only a month sweetheart & you are grieving hard right now, as I did, & it is hard my friend, isn't it? You'll cry in the shower, making dinner, driving on errands, etc. But ALLOW SOME TIME FOR YOU. Slowly say"I need a break, I'll visit this emotion a little later, but now I'm done for a while". You can do that, your emotions don't have to control you, talk to yourself, yes you can talk to yourself, & by doing so, you will more in control, be strongminded, but allow yourself a break when you need it. Don't feel guilty to laugh at a program, have a glass of wine and relax on your weekend. I grieved hard hard hard for 8 mts then one day it wasn't so hard and I felt like I was back with the living. You can stop the process for short times to give yourself a break, but you must grieve to be healthy! This is normal, we all live we all die. Life is short, you'll see her again, so just say to yourself "I'll be with her sooner or later but for now I'm going to enjoy my life, as she did hers" Go grieve, go live hon go live, go drive, enjoy the beauty, you can touch, smell, hear & see and most of all you can feel. Go be great, cry your heart out, but join the land of the living while you have the chance. Life is beautiful but so short.