Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jenny S on December 1, 2009 at 8:27pm

Tina said:

Jen,
I lost my father only 4 days ago... The pain is still very fresh therefore I am still in shock. My dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer in August of '07, received chemotherapy for 6 months and in January of '09 was diagnosed with metastatic bladder cancer to the lungs and bone. Unfortunately, it was detected in his brain in September of '09. He grew very ill and it was painful for all of us to watch him suffer for 6 long months, especially the last 3 weeks of his life. I am the youngest child of 4, I was your typical attached "daddy's little girl". When I go into the house (even only being 4 days) it feels empty, waiting to see him in the chair or waiting to receive a call on the cell phone. My mother is lost and so sad after 42 years of marriage. He was young which doesn't help, only 65. It seems so unfair why someone has to suffer for so long. I do believe in after life and heaven (as I explain it to my 4 and 5 year olds). I know the loneliness is going to get worse and the pain may increase... any help on how I can get through these next few months for myself, my children, my husband and to help my mother in any way possible?

Permalink Reply by melissa Jackson altmyer on December 6, 2009 at 6:05am

Jen,
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my father suddenly last year on Christmas eve. He was found on Ocean park beach in the sand. It was all over the news, in the New London, CT newspaper. When my sister called to tell me, I was so shocked that my world became surreal. My dad was my best friend in the whole world. The hardest part about my grief is not knowing what happened to him. The police and autopsy report ruled out homicide, suicide, heart attack, and stroke. What on earth happened to him then? He was in good physical shape at age 57. He had left me a message the day before saying he loved me and couldn't wait to meet his new granddaughter (my baby). Sadly he will never have the chance to experience being a grandpa on this Earth. I have felt so alone for this past year. I feel lost...like you mentioned Jen. Fortunately, I have strong faith in my church and an afterlife, which has helped me get through this. I am A Latterday Saint, and we believe we can be with our loves ones forever after we die. Heavenly father sent us down here to test us, and when we return to him, life will be more magnificant then we know. Knowing this helps me make it through each day. I still feel great saddness though that he was taken at a young age. Today would have been his 58th birthday. I am not looking forward to Christmas either. It will be my first one (kind of second) with out him here. I also feel his presence strongly. Hang in there.....We will slowly feel better. Read the book "90 minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper it's really good. May you feel comforted this Holiday season.

Permalink Reply by pretzel on December 7, 2009 at 1:48pm

I also lost my dad very suddenly last year and I know that he is with me every day.

He died at 4 in the afternoon. I have a clock in my apartment that is broken and would never chime. Every so often it will chime 4 times. My cat will freakishly just wake up and stare at something that is not there. Once a week, there will be something at the top of my stairs leading into my apartment, a small silver star, a white flower.... I feel that this is him saying hello.

I am not sure what I beleive, but I do know that it does bring me comfort. I also felt very lost, and sometimes still do. But just knowing that there may be something waiting at the top of the stairs helps me get through the day!

Permalink Reply by jen on December 11, 2009 at 1:22pm

Melissa, thank you for your kind words- I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad too. He was much too young.....I hope you find peace soon , and I know how hard it must be with Christmas approaching. I am having a hard week just thinking about Christmas.......my mom will be spending it here with us, so I know she will be very sad. I manage to trick my mind into believing he is just "away'.......we live 3000 miles from my parents home, so though I would talk to them every few days, we only saw them a few months out of the year. We did not spend Christmas with them last year, but they came to visit us in january and my dad passed away just a few weeks after they left. Anyway, i know I won't be able to fool myself when my mom is here without him.......it breaks my heart thinking about it. I'm trying to keep all of the happy memories forward in my mind, my dad always went all out making Christmas ( as does my mom) special , especially when we were kids. We always had the most lit-up house on the block! he built a sleigh and reindeer for our yard, big glowing signs, luminara boxes that lined our whole yard......it was always so cool! Then he would get up early before us, set up his lighting and pull out the 8mm camera and film us. they were wonderful times, and I love doing that for my own kids too. my mom would make candy and cookies with us, and always decorated the inside so pretty. What a gift to have parents who believe in that magic! My husband kind of goes along with it, but I decided a few years back that my kids deserve that magic too- I do it all with them!
I do believe your dad DOES see and experience your baby, that love never dies. i still feel that love from my grandparents, even though they died when I was fairly young.....you can help your daughter to know him through your memories. take care, jen







melissa Jackson altmyer said:

Jen,
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my father suddenly last year on Christmas eve. He was found on Ocean park beach in the sand. It was all over the news, in the New London, CT newspaper. When my sister called to tell me, I was so shocked that my world became surreal. My dad was my best friend in the whole world. The hardest part about my grief is not knowing what happened to him. The police and autopsy report ruled out homicide, suicide, heart attack, and stroke. What on earth happened to him then? He was in good physical shape at age 57. He had left me a message the day before saying he loved me and couldn't wait to meet his new granddaughter (my baby). Sadly he will never have the chance to experience being a grandpa on this Earth. I have felt so alone for this past year. I feel lost...like you mentioned Jen. Fortunately, I have strong faith in my church and an afterlife, which has helped me get through this. I am A Latterday Saint, and we believe we can be with our loves ones forever after we die. Heavenly father sent us down here to test us, and when we return to him, life will be more magnificant then we know. Knowing this helps me make it through each day. I still feel great saddness though that he was taken at a young age. Today would have been his 58th birthday. I am not looking forward to Christmas either. It will be my first one (kind of second) with out him here. I also feel his presence strongly. Hang in there.....We will slowly feel better. Read the book "90 minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper it's really good. May you feel comforted this Holiday season.

Permalink Reply by Tessa on January 6, 2010 at 1:31pm

Your lucky. I'm having a hard timfe "feeling my dads presence" and it scares me. I want to see him or something... and i think the exact same thing ALL THE TIME... where is he now? I just want to know!

I told my dad before he passed that, "I feel like a three year old, standing by the door as you leave for work, not knowing when I’ll see you again, except my temper tantrum is happening on the inside."

I was freaking out when he was dying... I wrote him a four page letter and told him how much he meant to me and how grateful I was for his presence in my life.

I'm sure we'll get through this... they want smiles on our faces. No doubt about that.

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