More than a mother

It's been a week since my mother passed away. I can't stand life without her. She was so much more than the woman that gave me life. She was my best friend, my kindred spirit. My mind will not accept that she's gone. She was such a genuine person. She loved me unconditionally. She was never judgemental. She welcomed strangers with open arms. She listened. She forgave and gave unlimited chances to those who made mistakes, even when everyone else did not. My anger seems to be the worst effect of her death. I am rude and distant to those trying to console me. Nothing comforts me.

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Permalink Reply by Debbie on August 20, 2009 at 11:12am

I understand much of what you are saying. I also lost my mother last week. Aug. 12th, 2009. I find I need time to myself to grieve. Sometimes those that think they are consoling, can make me feel like I have to rush through the process and "get on with my life". I know eventually life will go on, but for now I am trying to just deal with each feeling as it comes to me. I do hope you find the comfort you seek.

Permalink Reply by Sally on August 20, 2009 at 11:17am

My mom died the same day. 10:40pm

Debbie said:

I understand much of what you are saying. I also lost my mother last week. Aug. 12th, 2009. I find I need time to myself to grieve. Sometimes those that think they are consoling, can make me feel like I have to rush through the process and "get on with my life". I know eventually life will go on, but for now I am trying to just deal with each feeling as it comes to me. I do hope you find the comfort you seek.

Permalink Reply by Diana on August 20, 2009 at 4:32pm

Sally, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother (you as well Debbie). Your testament to the life of your mother was wonderful. It sounds like your mother was a wonderful woman and you are so lucky to have had her in your life. I have not lost a parent, but my dad is facing death any moment. He has terminal cancer which has spread to all parts of his body. The worst part has been the taking over of his mind. Dad is always the first to make someone feel welcome. He is such a wise man. Throughout all the "mistakes" I've made in my life, Dad was so forgiving. He is a great man as I know your mother was as well. I pray you find peace with her passing.

Permalink Reply by Sally on August 20, 2009 at 4:54pm

Hold him, hug him, touch him, smell him. Keep one item from being washed, it may comfort you later.Try to record his voice or laugh, if possible him telling you he loves you. This is what I feel now.

My heart is no where to be found
Only shards on the floor
My mind has vanished
It could not stand the horror

My soul has faded away
It no longer resides in me
Sentenced to death
In the ground six feet deep

I'm just a empty vessel
The Maker playing make believe
Toying with my hopes and dreams
Leaving me stranded on an island to grieve

No one knows where to find me
This place is not on any map
Time does not exist here
I don't know when I'll be back

Keep me in your prayers
Bless me with your love
My fate lays in the hands
of the One up above

-Sally

Permalink Reply by Kathy on August 21, 2009 at 8:07am

I lost my Mother on Aug.11 2009 it is so hard to except she gone she was my best friend great mother, wife, and grandmother, she was loving and had a way of touching many people's hearts, we helped my Father take care of her daily each one of girls and daughter in law tried to make the work load on my Father easier so he could have a life, no matter what she always had a smile and loved life no matter how hard things got. I miss her so much

Permalink Reply by Sheila Meade on August 21, 2009 at 1:08pm

Oh Sally,

I have been there. My mother died June 17, 2007 and I still cry, I still get angry and I still get depressed. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it gets better with time. You learn to deal with it on a different level but getting better or easier are not the words I would use. Another thing I'm not going to tell you is that anger is part of the greiving process. In all honesty I didn't know there was a "process"! I still have times that I feel very angery with GOD that he didn't heal my mother. My husband, who is a preacher, tells me that GOD did in fact heal her, it was just in heaven and not here. But, I wanted it here! I prayed and prayed and I still feel as though GOD wasn't listening. Please don't get me wrong, I love our Lord, Jesus Christ but my faith during my Mom's illness just wasn't where maybe it should have been. I felt I had lost everything and my world turned upside down when Mom died. I was rude, distant, angery, sad and nothing or no one could comfort me. I felt alone no matter how many peple were around me. There were times that I would think it is OK, she isn't suffering any more; but that one little comforting thought wouldn't last but a moment and I was back to my depressed state; where I thought I would always be. As I said earlier, you learn to deal with the death of a loved one on a different level as time passes. I wish so much that I had the majic words to fix your broken heart, but neither I nor anyone else can do that. Prayer helped me. I took it day to day and feeling to feeling trying to look forward. My Mom wanted happiness for all her children and I knew I needed to move on. For me however the progression has been very slow even though I know my Mom would not approve. She loved life, loved living and want her children to do the same. I pray that someday both you and I will find that love of life again. You will be in my prayers. I pray for you to have GOD's GPS system............Grace, Peace and Strength!

Permalink Reply by Sally on August 21, 2009 at 4:33pm

I still can't believe she is gone. I keep expecting her to come around the corner and crack a joke. I want to hear her laugh or just her voice. The pain seems to be getting worse everyday.The saddest thing is that so many people want to comfort me but it doesn't work.I feel so lost without her. I've been listening to a song that makes me cry but also comforts me. It's called I'll Stand by You by the Pretenders. Music seems to help a bit.Good Luck.

Kathy said:

I lost my Mother on Aug.11 2009 it is so hard to except she gone she was my best friend great mother, wife, and grandmother, she was loving and had a way of touching many people's hearts, we helped my Father take care of her daily each one of girls and daughter in law tried to make the work load on my Father easier so he could have a life, no matter what she always had a smile and loved life no matter how hard things got. I miss her so much

Permalink Reply by Sally on August 21, 2009 at 4:45pm

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. No one understands unless they have felt the finality of their own parents death. My mother suffered so much and that hurt the most. My anger comes from that. I no longer believe there is God. Losing my mother is the most devastating feeling, above that I lost my job and I'm in the process of divorce. The only good thing is that my children have an amazing father that is still here for me. No questions asked no explanations expected. I have moved in to my parents home. I am not able to care for my children now. All I do is sleep and cry.I know if I tried I would end up hurting them emotionally. I feel like its all a bad dream I can't wake up from.

Sheila Meade said:

Oh Sally,

I have been there. My mother died June 17, 2007 and I still cry, I still get angry and I still get depressed. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it gets better with time. You learn to deal with it on a different level but getting better or easier are not the words I would use. Another thing I'm not going to tell you is that anger is part of the greiving process. In all honesty I didn't know there was a "process"! I still have times that I feel very angery with GOD that he didn't heal my mother. My husband, who is a preacher, tells me that GOD did in fact heal her, it was just in heaven and not here. But, I wanted it here! I prayed and prayed and I still feel as though GOD wasn't listening. Please don't get me wrong, I love our Lord, Jesus Christ but my faith during my Mom's illness just wasn't where maybe it should have been. I felt I had lost everything and my world turned upside down when Mom died. I was rude, distant, angery, sad and nothing or no one could comfort me. I felt alone no matter how many peple were around me. There were times that I would think it is OK, she isn't suffering any more; but that one little comforting thought wouldn't last but a moment and I was back to my depressed state; where I thought I would always be. As I said earlier, you learn to deal with the death of a loved one on a different level as time passes. I wish so much that I had the majic words to fix your broken heart, but neither I nor anyone else can do that. Prayer helped me. I took it day to day and feeling to feeling trying to look forward. My Mom wanted happiness for all her children and I knew I needed to move on. For me however the progression has been very slow even though I know my Mom would not approve. She loved life, loved living and want her children to do the same. I pray that someday both you and I will find that love of life again. You will be in my prayers. I pray for you to have GOD's GPS system............Grace, Peace and Strength!

Permalink Reply by Stacey on August 31, 2009 at 9:28am

All of your feelings is normal. I was angry, sad, mad too. I m very sorry for your loss. Its been 8 months since My mom went to Heaven. Speaking from experience. the pain gets a little easier each day, I do not know what I would have done without the support from my family, close dear friends and my church. Try to eat and get rest. Nothing may comfort you for a while. You may just need to do what you want to do. I lost my mom on December 30, 2008. I was in a blurry daze til probably late April. There were days when I did not even get out of bed. My husband did absolutely everything include work full-time. I am praying for you,Sally that you wil have the strenght to get through what you have to do.
God bless you and your family.
P.S. My mom was the same way as yours( very kind and very loved). She is missed so much. Remember, the memories will never be taken away.

Permalink Reply by Claire on August 31, 2009 at 7:56pm

It will be two months on September 11, 2009 since my mom passed away. That was the worst day of my entire life. I took her to the hospital the day before and all they could find was an UTI. When I took her back home she fell asleep from the medicine that they had given her from the hospital. The next day I went to her house to check on her but it was too late. There were no warnings and I still don't know what happened. I am feeling so many emotions each day that I don't know how to deal with them. My mom was my best friend and I loved her so much. We had so many jokes and things that only belonged to us and I miss all of that terribly. I feel so angry that I wasn't there with her - I feel guilty that I should have done something more. I am having a hard time accepting this. I always have heard about loved ones giving signs after they pass away to let us know that they are still with us. I want to experience something so badly, I have not had any dreams of her either and I want to as well. My heart is broken and I know it takes time but I don't want to experience this life without her. I am only 24 years old and she was supposed to be with me at my wedding and the day that I have kids. I feel as though my world has been torn apart. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and see her smiling face again.

Permalink Reply by Stacey on August 31, 2009 at 10:00pm

Claire said:

It will be two months on September 11, 2009 since my mom passed away. That was the worst day of my entire life. I took her to the hospital the day before and all they could find was an UTI. When I took her back home she fell asleep from the medicine that they had given her from the hospital. The next day I went to her house to check on her but it was too late. There were no warnings and I still don't know what happened. I am feeling so many emotions each day that I don't know how to deal with them. My mom was my best friend and I loved her so much. We had so many jokes and things that only belonged to us and I miss all of that terribly. I feel so angry that I wasn't there with her - I feel guilty that I should have done something more. I am having a hard time accepting this. I always have heard about loved ones giving signs after they pass away to let us know that they are still with us. I want to experience something so badly, I have not had any dreams of her either and I want to as well. My heart is broken and I know it takes time but I don't want to experience this life without her. I am only 24 years old and she was supposed to be with me at my wedding and the day that I have kids. I feel as though my world has been torn apart. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and see her smiling face again.

Permalink Reply by Stacey on August 31, 2009 at 10:06pm

Sally said:

I still can't believe she is gone. I keep expecting her to come around the corner and crack a joke. I want to hear her laugh or just her voice. The pain seems to be getting worse everyday.The saddest thing is that so many people want to comfort me but it doesn't work.I feel so lost without her. I've been listening to a song that makes me cry but also comforts me. It's called I'll Stand by You by the Pretenders. Music seems to help a bit.Good Luck.

Kathy said:
I lost my Mother on Aug.11 2009 it is so hard to except she gone she was my best friend great mother, wife, and grandmother, she was loving and had a way of touching many people's hearts, we helped my Father take care of her daily each one of girls and daughter in law tried to make the work load on my Father easier so he could have a life, no matter what she always had a smile and loved life no matter how hard things got. I miss her so much