I lost my Dad in December. He died suddenly of some rare inflammatory disease. When he was diagnosed last October he was told to come back in 6 months and it wasn't life threatening. That was totally incorrect as he died 2 months later. I still can't believe that it happened. I know he loved me and he knew I loved him, but the loss is so great that sometimes my heart hurts so much. It's just too PERMANENT!!!!

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Beth, I'm so sorry for your loss......how frustrating to get a diagnosis like that. we went through that with my mom many years ago with her breast cancer- she had a lump, but the Dr.s told her they would 'watch it " for 6 months. Well, they 'watched it" grow and spread into her lymph nodes....what may have only needed a lumpectomy ended up a masectomy and she had to have all her lymph nodes removed which has left her with lymphodema in her arm. thankfully she survived it, but I was so angry with her dr.
you asked in my other post about my position on life after life.......and I can tell you wholeheartedly I don't just believe, I know it in my heart. I always have......just a certainty that has always been with me, but has grown the older I get. it was never anything scary for me, but just something that seems natural. As much as I KNOW my dad is in Heaven ( or wherever they are) , it confuses my mind that he is not HERE. Most of what I am dealing with is not around the fact that I won't see him again, I truly feel that I will. I understand what a blink of the eye life really is now that I have children of my own- the time just flies by. I often think how my parents must feel in their 80's- like 'what the heck just happened? our kids are getting grey, we have great grand children ......It must seem like just yesterday they were young. Life seems to go by so quick now, I know I am going to wake up one morning and feel just like that. my oldest child just turned 12.....In just 6 years, she'll be off on her own.....6 years used to seem like a long time, now it feels so fast. So, I know it won't be as long as it feels right now, before I see my dad again, and I like to imagine how wonderful it will be for him to meet me there. I like to imagine what it was like when he got there, and saw HIS mom and dad again, and all his brothers and sisters that had passed before him. He only has 3 siblings of 14 that are still living- what a wonderful reunion they must be having! I can FEEL the love that transcends all coming through from my family, in a way that lets me not just believe, but know they are safe and happy. I hope you will have that feeling too someday, but try to be open and let it come. I still miss my dad terribly, and feel traumatized by the suddeness of his leaving, as any child would. I didn't like going through seeing my family so hurt, and sad. I didn't like going through the funeral ( which was very nice, so far as funerals go, but fairly traditional as my mom needed that.......I had to remind myself it was really for her, not dad. Some funny things happened throughout it , as well, that made me know my dad was there and trying to bust it up a little , though!) When I hear songs they played at his funeral, it rushes back, and I feel all the sadness, which I hate- it makes me mad that perfectly good songs are now ruined for me and will always be associated with that . No funeral service for ME when my time comes! let them party instead! well, anyway, those are some of my thoughts on the subject. take care, and listen for your dad......he's closer than you may think. jen

http://www.legacy.com/GB2/default.aspx?BookID=8151972484673
Hi Beth, I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes doctors are just amazing and other times you think... where did they get their degree from? The doctors said My mom had a year to live, she passed a month later. It is very sudden and sometimes i feel as if it is a bad dream...I try to not be bitter. My prayers are with you.
jen said:
Beth, I'm so sorry for your loss......how frustrating to get a diagnosis like that. we went through that with my mom many years ago with her breast cancer- she had a lump, but the Dr.s told her they would 'watch it " for 6 months. Well, they 'watched it" grow and spread into her lymph nodes....what may have only needed a lumpectomy ended up a masectomy and she had to have all her lymph nodes removed which has left her with lymphodema in her arm. thankfully she survived it, but I was so angry with her dr.
you asked in my other post about my position on life after life.......and I can tell you wholeheartedly I don't just believe, I know it in my heart. I always have......just a certainty that has always been with me, but has grown the older I get. it was never anything scary for me, but just something that seems natural. As much as I KNOW my dad is in Heaven ( or wherever they are) , it confuses my mind that he is not HERE. Most of what I am dealing with is not around the fact that I won't see him again, I truly feel that I will. I understand what a blink of the eye life really is now that I have children of my own- the time just flies by. I often think how my parents must feel in their 80's- like 'what the heck just happened? our kids are getting grey, we have great grand children ......It must seem like just yesterday they were young. Life seems to go by so quick now, I know I am going to wake up one morning and feel just like that. my oldest child just turned 12.....In just 6 years, she'll be off on her own.....6 years used to seem like a long time, now it feels so fast. So, I know it won't be as long as it feels right now, before I see my dad again, and I like to imagine how wonderful it will be for him to meet me there. I like to imagine what it was like when he got there, and saw HIS mom and dad again, and all his brothers and sisters that had passed before him. He only has 3 siblings of 14 that are still living- what a wonderful reunion they must be having! I can FEEL the love that transcends all coming through from my family, in a way that lets me not just believe, but know they are safe and happy. I hope you will have that feeling too someday, but try to be open and let it come. I still miss my dad terribly, and feel traumatized by the suddeness of his leaving, as any child would. I didn't like going through seeing my family so hurt, and sad. I didn't like going through the funeral ( which was very nice, so far as funerals go, but fairly traditional as my mom needed that.......I had to remind myself it was really for her, not dad. Some funny things happened throughout it , as well, that made me know my dad was there and trying to bust it up a little , though!) When I hear songs they played at his funeral, it rushes back, and I feel all the sadness, which I hate- it makes me mad that perfectly good songs are now ruined for me and will always be associated with that . No funeral service for ME when my time comes! let them party instead! well, anyway, those are some of my thoughts on the subject. take care, and listen for your dad......he's closer than you may think. jen

http://www.legacy.com/GB2/default.aspx?BookID=8151972484673
Dear Jen, you are so wonderful to tell me all about your experiences. i will try to feel as you do. and i wish i had your confidence. thank you for helping me
Stacey said:
Hi Beth, I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes doctors are just amazing and other times you think... where did they get their degree from? The doctors said My mom had a year to live, she passed a month later. It is very sudden and sometimes i feel as if it is a bad dream...I try to not be bitter. My prayers are with you.
Beth said:
Stacey said:
Hi Beth, I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes doctors are just amazing and other times you think... where did they get their degree from? The doctors said My mom had a year to live, she passed a month later. It is very sudden and sometimes i feel as if it is a bad dream...I try to not be bitter. My prayers are with you.
hello stacy. i try not to be bitter. im just so sad. the worst part about it is seeing my mom so sad. yesterday would have been their 55th wedding anniversay and she had an awful day. having her cry in my arms was just so hard. i want and need to be there for her, but it makes me so sad. my husband can't understand why she is not better yet...and it hasn't been a year yet. i know the "firsts" of everything are the hardest. thanks for replying. if i can try to help you please let me know.

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