Loss of Both Parents

I lost both of my parents within 7 weeks in 2008, and it's coming up on the first anniversary of my Daddy's passing (he passed first). I still have a hard time with it. I try to take things one day at a time, but it is still a hard pill to swallow. I mean they were both elderly and sick, so it's not like it was "unexpected", but it was still a shock just the same, if that makes sense. I miss them both so much. So many times I can imagine their physical presence, but I know that's their spirit that is still with me.

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Permalink Reply by jen on August 26, 2009 at 10:19pm

Kathy, I'm sorry for your loss....my dad was 81, so we kind of always had it in the back of our minds that really, anytime we said goodbye, it might be the last time. And though my dad was generally still pretty active, looking back there were many signs that his age was catching up on him. It still is hard. take care, Jen

Permalink Reply by Mary Ellen McCar on August 27, 2009 at 7:01pm

Kathy,
my thoughts are with you.
I lost my mother in March 08 . In April 08 I went to visit my dad in another state and found him yellow! He was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and survived for a yr.. much longer than most pancreatic patients. I made 8 trips to Mississippi during that time and it was so hard. Now with both parents gone I feel such a loss...such a hole in my heart.
Mary Ellen

Permalink Reply by Mary Ellen McCar on August 27, 2009 at 7:01pm

Permalink Reply by Kathy on August 28, 2009 at 4:31pm

Hi there Jen. I appreciate your reply. The upcoming anniversary of my Dad's passing is actually today (at 6:24 pm EST). I thought I could be tough, but this morning at work, at my first break, I lost it emotionally. The tears flowed, and my work buddies huddled around me and gave me lots of hugs, and shared their "parental loss" experiences. That helped a lot. Today, I will probably spend the evening in quiet mourning at home. It will be hardly any time to pass, before it's time to mourn the passing of my Mom, which is coming up in mid-October. I will try to take things one day at a time. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss as well. How long has your Daddy been gone, if you don't mind me asking? Take care new friend, and I hope to hear back from you soon. - KATHY

jen said:

Kathy, I'm sorry for your loss....my dad was 81, so we kind of always had it in the back of our minds that really, anytime we said goodbye, it might be the last time. And though my dad was generally still pretty active, looking back there were many signs that his age was catching up on him. It still is hard. take care, Jen

Permalink Reply by Kathy on August 28, 2009 at 4:40pm

Hi there Mary Ellen. I appreciate your reply. I am very sorry for your losses as well. It sure isn't easy being an "adult orphan", but I still have to go on. I miss them both very much, as I'm sure you miss your folks. My folks were both elderly and sick, and I knew it wasn't going to be much longer, but it still hurts, just the same. I am grateful for this forum .. it helps to share experiences with people that are going through the same thing as I'm going through. I would like to keep the lines of communication open with you, and this is a great way to do just that. Take care Mary Ellen, and I look forward to hearing back from you. - KATHY

Mary Ellen McCar said:

Kathy,
my thoughts are with you.
I lost my mother in March 08 . In April 08 I went to visit my dad in another state and found him yellow! He was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and survived for a yr.. much longer than most pancreatic patients. I made 8 trips to Mississippi during that time and it was so hard. Now with both parents gone I feel such a loss...such a hole in my heart.
Mary Ellen

Permalink Reply by jen on August 29, 2009 at 11:39am

Kathy, I'm sorry you had a rough day......it must be very hard losing both parents so close. it sounds like you have good work friends who support you- how awful it would be to go through a day like that with no one around who cares. My dad passed away last February, just a few weeks after he and my mom had been here to visit. I only got to spend a few days with them because they came to watch our kids for us while we were away for a week at a convention, but the kids and I had been blessed to go and stay an entire month with them last summer. We live in Pennsylvania and they live in Alaska.....they would come and spend 3 weeks with us several time each year, and we try to get up there once every 2 years. We were able to take the whole family in February for Dads funeral, but I sure hated going that time. It makes me feel like I don't ever want to go back, even though my mom and sister , and her family are all still there.....my dad loved it there and it just doesn't seem right with out him.
My dads birthday is coming up in September, it will be a tough day too. Last year , it was kind of weird......he and my mom usually spend birthdays with my sister and her whole family, they are kind of a big deal. But last year, he decided that he and mom were taking the moterhome for a 4 day trip back on some remote loop of gravel road- I thought they were nuts! The weather can turn bad up there quickly that time of year, but they decided to go - they visited places my dad hadn't been in years , back in the mountains. we couldn't call them, and it was kind of a worrisome weekend for all of us kids- but it was just something he needed to do...they had a good time, just the 2 of them. I'm sure it will be a memory for my mom to treasure, though I am sure this year will be very difficult for her. take care , jen

Kathy said:

Hi there Jen. I appreciate your reply. The upcoming anniversary of my Dad's passing is actually today (at 6:24 pm EST). I thought I could be tough, but this morning at work, at my first break, I lost it emotionally. The tears flowed, and my work buddies huddled around me and gave me lots of hugs, and shared their "parental loss" experiences. That helped a lot. Today, I will probably spend the evening in quiet mourning at home. It will be hardly any time to pass, before it's time to mourn the passing of my Mom, which is coming up in mid-October. I will try to take things one day at a time. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss as well. How long has your Daddy been gone, if you don't mind me asking? Take care new friend, and I hope to hear back from you soon. - KATHY

jen said:
Kathy, I'm sorry for your loss....my dad was 81, so we kind of always had it in the back of our minds that really, anytime we said goodbye, it might be the last time. And though my dad was generally still pretty active, looking back there were many signs that his age was catching up on him. It still is hard. take care, Jen

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Lu on August 30, 2009 at 2:34pm

Kathy,
My Mom died of cancer on June 27, 2008. It was my honor and privilege to be with her as she died. We thought Dad might survive until Christmas without her - they had been married for 58 years - he surprised us and lasted almost til Mother's Day - then went to be with her. As in your case, they were both elderly and had many health issues - but you're still not prepared to let them go completely. I look at the shadows they cast as people in this world - and they seem to stretch on and on. I spend many an hour in the car - commuting to and from work and around town, talking with them and telling them how much I miss them. I hope that when I leave this world, there are as many people telling me how much I meant as I had with my parents' passing - it still leaves a hole there, though.

Sheryl

Permalink Reply by Stacey on August 31, 2009 at 3:13pm

Hi Kathy, So sorry for your loss. I fell your pain and my heart goes out to you. I think taking one day at a time is all we can do to get through this terrible loss. My prayers are with you.

Stacey

Permalink Reply by Patty on September 23, 2009 at 8:47pm

I too lost both of my parents within two months in 2008. My Dad's first anniversary of his death recently passed. (8-24-08) The one year anniversary of my Mom's death will be 10-19-08. I miss them both so much and I think about them all the time. Sometimes I feel the presence of one more than the other. They had been married for 66 years and I wasn't surprised that they passed so close together. I truly believe it was their destiny to be together. In the short time that mom was here without him, I would tell her that I still needed her. She would look me in the eye, tell me she loved me but that what she needed was him. While I am so thankful for the time we had them, I have 3 brothers & 1 sister, we all miss them terribly. It helps to be with my siblings because we tell stories about them and usually end up laughing. Crazy as it may sound to some, we celebrate their birthdays & wedding anniversary by the five of us and spouses going out to dinner. We attended Mass together on Aug 24th and will do the same on Oct 19th. We are just taking it one day at a time.

Permalink Reply by Joanne on September 24, 2009 at 2:16pm

I'm so sorry for your double loss. I've also gone thru the same thing - my Dad passed away Feb. 11, 2009 and my Mom soon followed on March 17, 2009. They were in their 80's, with health issues, but not expected to die so suddenly. I just try to remember that they are together now (my parents were married for over 60 years) and that is what they wanted.

It doesn't mean I miss them any less, but I was lucky enough to be involved in their lives on a daily basis once they had moved to our same subdivision 14 years ago, and I'm glad we had that time together.

Permalink Reply by margaret on September 25, 2009 at 8:47pm

The loss of both of your parents seems so unreal. I unfortunately lost both my parent back in 1977 and 79. I was 18. I'm pushing 50 but the pain of your entire family structure changing, revolving constantly for me being the youngest of 11 older siblings has been a great challange in my life. My parents have sent their Spirits our way many a time and for that I remain possitive and try to make them proud of the daughter they raised.
Margaret

Permalink Reply by Kathy on September 29, 2009 at 8:40pm

Hi there Margaret. I appreciate your words of comfort, and I am saddened to hear of your losses as well. You know, no matter how far back or recent those double losses are, in my opinion, the pain is just as real. You and I are pretty close to the same age (I'm 50), and I still feel empty inside, although time is helping, but it is definitely NOT erasing any memories. You and I and all of our "Legacy.com" buddies are in this together, and it really helps to keep these lines of communication open. I hope we get to reconnect again very soon. Take care of yourself. - KATHY

margaret said:

The loss of both of your parents seems so unreal. I unfortunately lost both my parent back in 1977 and 79. I was 18. I'm pushing 50 but the pain of your entire family structure changing, revolving constantly for me being the youngest of 11 older siblings has been a great challange in my life. My parents have sent their Spirits our way many a time and for that I remain possitive and try to make them proud of the daughter they raised.
Margaret