weird, bad day.......

I have felt exceptionally raw today.....not sure why. my husband was really grating on my nerves- he was being kind of snappy with the kids , and it made me SO sad- my dad was NEVER like that with us. We never had to worry about ruffling his feathers, he was pretty unflappable! if we did something to upset him or warrant punishment, he was always firm, but also very fair. I only saw him lose his temper completely once with any of us- he caught my sister sneaking back in through her bedroom window when she was a teen. Only saw it once, never saw it again. I watched my sons face today when my husband berated him for something, and it made me feel so bad for them both- for my son, that he has a dad who makes him feel a little scared- for my husband, whose mom taught him those tactics because his own dad was so emotionally absent for him. My husbands parents recently retired and moved closer to us, so that his dad has actually been calling and wanting to do stuff with my husband.. he told me tonight that for the 1st time in his life, his dad is actually THERE, wanting to spend time with him. His dad is/was a pastor, so had very long hours and many people demanding his time and emotions.......my husband really felt that growing up his dad was not there for him on any level. My dad was so opposite that- he made time for us kids every day, whether it be playing ball or just going for a walk, letting us follow him around his wood shop or garden projects while teaching us about it.- he taught my sister and I how to ski, then would often take us out of school on a Monday ( cheap lift tickets!) and take us skiing with him. He was ALWAYS there - and just like my husbands dad was NEVER there for him, and now he is......my dad was ALWAYS there for me, and now he isn't. I guess I am happier that I had my dad all those years.....jen

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Permalink Reply by Stacey on August 31, 2009 at 3:11pm

Hi Jen,I am deeply sorry for your loss. Its good to hear such wonderful things about your Dad. I too have great memories of my mom. I just miss her. Have you told your husband how you feel? I sometimes dont tell my husband why I am angry, or in a bad mode...so I will be snotty towards him. Then I will say something like ...just a bad day for me... I hope things get better for you. You will be in my prayers.

Stacey

Permalink Reply by jen on August 31, 2009 at 4:13pm

Thank you Stacey, I'm so sorry you lost your mom too. My husband has not been a great support through this, though I am pretty closed up too. He has always been like that with me, though he is wonderful with other people.....just too close to home talking about this kind of thing with me. We talk about my dad a lot, he is still a fixture in all of our lives, but never once has my husband just asked, "how are you doing with all this?" I cry almost every day, but not in front of anyone.. My oldest daughter is also having a very hard time, she is 12. I am taking her to a group for grieving teens next month, so am hopeful it will help her some. She and I talk a lot about it, and we relate well , so at least there is that. Anyway, thanks for your support, and you will be in my prayers too! Jen

Stacey said:

Hi Jen,I am deeply sorry for your loss. Its good to hear such wonderful things about your Dad. I too have great memories of my mom. I just miss her. Have you told your husband how you feel? I sometimes dont tell my husband why I am angry, or in a bad mode...so I will be snotty towards him. Then I will say something like ...just a bad day for me... I hope things get better for you. You will be in my prayers.

Stacey

Permalink Reply by Marylee on September 20, 2009 at 7:50pm

hi Jen, my Mom lost her fight on the 11th of September. Just 9 days ago. I had told you about losing my Dad 10 years ago and how it gets a bit easier every day? I'm not so sure now. My Dads death was sudden and my Mom's was not. It is much harder on me now because my Mom lived with me for the last year and I was her caregiver, 24/7. She had dementia. I miss her so much and cannot stop thinking of her final days. In response to your last posting, you are very lucky to have had such a wonderful Dad. He sounds like he was an amazing man. Keep those memories in your heart...

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