Mom

i lost my mother in july i took care of her for many years
thru all her problems--every one tells me i was a good son the day she died i was sick in bed with 103 fever i was always with her my brother and sister were there and told her i was sick
my sister said she kissed her for me but i just feel like i didn't get the chance to say good bye--i have begged her to forgive me but i can't get over this--its getting worse i wake up every day and cry
she was my best friend the person when i had problems i could talk to its all gone now its my task to empty out the house because i'm going to live there my heart is broken and ripped out of my chest she was such a good mother and great lady

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Permalink Reply by Pam Mosley on October 19, 2009 at 7:40am

I lost my mother June 30th 2009. My world is in turmoil. I know she is in a better place that is what my head is saying. My heart is hurting and wants her back. I was not there when she died. She lived in TN and I live in Idaho. I talked to her at 9pm on the 29th of June I had to tell her mom it is ok to go ahead and go be with my brother we will be ok. I AM NOT OK I MISS HER sometimes it is unbearable. Was she scared when it was time or was she at peace. I will never know. She died with no family there she was alone. I carry quilt about not being able to be there when she died. I did get to see her as well as my kids and 3 moth old grandson and daughter in law. We went to Clarksville the 30th of May. Spend 10 days there. I promised her she would see her great grandson and was able to keep that promise. She knew who everyone was at that time. As our trip was coming to an end she started declining. Towards the end she was not making much since she was holding on for my sister whom never showed up. That is when I told her it is ok to go. I to have dreams about her. I go places and just start crying ( I was at Walmart the other day and started crying in the store.) I lost a great and special person MY MOM BECKY she was 66yrs old. Pam

Permalink Reply by Lorna on October 22, 2009 at 9:48pm

You know, I was able to be there may 1st for my moms last breath, literally, but had decided to go home the night before. I regret that sometimes still. She heard my sister and I in the hallway the morning of the 1st and as soon as we walked in he room she took her last breath. That moment was very special but I wish I would have just spent the night. But, in reality I could not be everywhere at all times. Life is about doing the best you can and accepting that sometimes that just has to be enough. Think about how cool it was that you got to spend all that time with her. My sister had just gotten in from LA where she lives, and she wasn't as fortunate as I was to spend moms last few months on earth with her like I was. I would stop and see her on my way to work, go see her at lunch and then after work. I would spend weekends with her, but I also had to take time for me once in a while. Being a care taker is hard but I wouldn't change any of it. The pain is unbelievable sometimes but I would do it all over again. There is certainly a hole in your heart now but just think how awful it would be if that hole weren't there. It would mean that the value of your mom wasn't there. A trinket can be replaced, but a treasure never can. I said these things at my moms memorial. I will embrace the hole in my heart to honor the women that put it there.
Best wishes in your healing journey,
Lorna

Permalink Reply by Mary Jo Scalise on October 26, 2009 at 12:57am

Sir, you are a good son to your Mom! You did everything in your power to take care of her and let her feel that she wasn't alone. That alone is the best gift any child can give their parents! I too, am in the same situation. I lost my Mom on August 28th of this year. and I didn't get a chance to say good bye either. My Mom died half an hour before I arrived. and I felt the same way you do. The nurse that was there that day, made me realize something. She told me, my Mom didn't want me to see her die. I think your Mom felt the same way.. She loved you so much, she didn't want you to suffer anymore. You did your best and she knows that. Your Mom knows whats in your heart and she knows that you would've done everything to be by her side. I know it doesn't take away how your feeling rite now. and I am sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to. But my Mom was my best friend too, she understood me better than my family did!! i too, have the task of cleaning out the house. I am going to live there too. It is hard I still see her here. I don't know what to do either. I know this sounds strange, but talk to her as if she is still in person. and listen. you will be surprised as to what happens.. Your Mom will always be with you in your heart. Yes, I agree that your Mom is a great lady. Because she raised a good son! You thought of her more than yourself and that is rare nowadays...Please forgive me for being forward. But take to heart, you are not alone, you have your memories of her and your family also. Just remember, you are a good man and you gave your Mom the best thing that money cannot buy. Its Time!! Thank you for reading this, and again I am sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to. Take care. and I will pray for you.

Permalink Reply by Wayne Otto on October 27, 2009 at 2:56pm

Thank you for the thoughts
i was not offended you gave me some great things to think about ,and it is always nice to know others out there share your grief
i have been in a bad state missing her --i know i don't want her back to suffer

Mary Jo Scalise said:

Sir, you are a good son to your Mom! You did everything in your power to take care of her and let her feel that she wasn't alone. That alone is the best gift any child can give their parents! I too, am in the same situation. I lost my Mom on August 28th of this year. and I didn't get a chance to say good bye either. My Mom died half an hour before I arrived. and I felt the same way you do. The nurse that was there that day, made me realize something. She told me, my Mom didn't want me to see her die. I think your Mom felt the same way.. She loved you so much, she didn't want you to suffer anymore. You did your best and she knows that. Your Mom knows whats in your heart and she knows that you would've done everything to be by her side. I know it doesn't take away how your feeling rite now. and I am sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to. But my Mom was my best friend too, she understood me better than my family did!! i too, have the task of cleaning out the house. I am going to live there too. It is hard I still see her here. I don't know what to do either. I know this sounds strange, but talk to her as if she is still in person. and listen. you will be surprised as to what happens.. Your Mom will always be with you in your heart. Yes, I agree that your Mom is a great lady. Because she raised a good son! You thought of her more than yourself and that is rare nowadays...Please forgive me for being forward. But take to heart, you are not alone, you have your memories of her and your family also. Just remember, you are a good man and you gave your Mom the best thing that money cannot buy. Its Time!! Thank you for reading this, and again I am sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to. Take care. and I will pray for you.

Permalink Reply by margaret on October 28, 2009 at 6:05am

Hi,
When I lost my mom i tried to take my own life and ended up in a psych ward.
She was everything to me and I was only 18. Fight like hell and someday you can accept she is gone. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by stylles chillin on October 28, 2009 at 1:09pm

hello my name is crystal i lost my mom in april it's been 6months i still hurt with the loss of my mother i was at the hospital everyday i saw her take her last breath i just lost it everything in me, my sister was there also what i did i prayed every chance i got i just touched her hands her face and ask god to allow her to come to him as his angel i aked lord i know she is ready for you now lord have her as you will i said that many times over as i prayed it has been much more at ease for my heart but trust me i still miss my mommie she has been all i've ever known for i say thank you lord for my mommie it still hurts me every day i just want to say to you all god loves you and so do i

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on November 2, 2009 at 11:26pm

Oh Wayne, Please listen to me as I had a similar experience with my mom. First of all God planned the day she would pass,how,and under what circumstances before you were even born. She knows how guilty you feel and I bet is trying to tell you to please stop, she understands and it is all right. She is with God, who controls all, so even if you wanted it to be different..You would be up against God..LOL good luck. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE forgive yourself..Your mom is watching over you and is with you,I believe...So let her rest and you let it rest..and I bet you'll feel it in your heart. !! Please Let me know how you are doing if you will. God bless You.!!

Permalink Reply by jvd on November 3, 2009 at 6:01am

Wayne I just lost my mother I am an only child and I am lost .I feel my aunts she had five sisters gave monitary support but the emotional support was a bit lacking .It was present in some the best desriptive I can give and still be respectful is lacking.Her wake is today and I actually wasnt even going to go to the mercy meal because of the way my father and I have been treated .One of my aunts told me I was being hateful and needed to see a priest.SO I DID ....he said he agreeed with me fully on the issues I am angry about and suggested I go because my mother would have wanted me to.I have never felt somuch pain we were inseperable .I am lost is all I can say .One thing the priest did say that may help you is once someone passes they are still with us always.He said if you are quiet and watch for the signs you will see them.They are things you must be watchful to see but they are there .My computer this morning when I went to the bathroom was not in sleep mode yet I went to bed 4 hours ago .I am sure this is the first odf many signs she is here .It is what lead me to sign on to this site .Godbless you

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on November 3, 2009 at 8:18am

Well put and God bless you. You are very special. I have a feeling you are going to be fine and your mom is already proud of you I'm sure, but something tells me you are going to make her even more proud. Your going on to great things. God has it all planned out for you.. Tx for your input, it confirmed to me that my mom is with me. Unexplained things happen,it could only be her. Best of luck and keep the faith!!
jvd said:

Wayne I just lost my mother I am an only child and I am lost .I feel my aunts she had five sisters gave monitary support but the emotional support was a bit lacking .It was present in some the best desriptive I can give and still be respectful is lacking.Her wake is today and I actually wasnt even going to go to the mercy meal because of the way my father and I have been treated .One of my aunts told me I was being hateful and needed to see a priest.SO I DID ....he said he agreeed with me fully on the issues I am angry about and suggested I go because my mother would have wanted me to.I have never felt somuch pain we were inseperable .I am lost is all I can say .One thing the priest did say that may help you is once someone passes they are still with us always.He said if you are quiet and watch for the signs you will see them.They are things you must be watchful to see but they are there .My computer this morning when I went to the bathroom was not in sleep mode yet I went to bed 4 hours ago .I am sure this is the first odf many signs she is here .It is what lead me to sign on to this site .Godbless you

Permalink Reply by Wayne Otto on November 3, 2009 at 9:55am

thanks for your kind thoughts--its been very hard and i do have a little confort in knowing that mom is now with my father and her mother
as i said the world lost a great lady our home was always open to anyone who needed help mom always said whats on more for dinner
she didn't have much but always shared it--again thanks for the kind words i'm trying to go on

Jennifer said:

Well put and God bless you. You are very special. I have a feeling you are going to be fine and your mom is already proud of you I'm sure, but something tells me you are going to make her even more proud. Your going on to great things. God has it all planned out for you.. Tx for your input, it confirmed to me that my mom is with me. Unexplained things happen,it could only be her. Best of luck and keep the faith!!
jvd said:
Wayne I just lost my mother I am an only child and I am lost .I feel my aunts she had five sisters gave monitary support but the emotional support was a bit lacking .It was present in some the best desriptive I can give and still be respectful is lacking.Her wake is today and I actually wasnt even going to go to the mercy meal because of the way my father and I have been treated .One of my aunts told me I was being hateful and needed to see a priest.SO I DID ....he said he agreeed with me fully on the issues I am angry about and suggested I go because my mother would have wanted me to.I have never felt somuch pain we were inseperable .I am lost is all I can say .One thing the priest did say that may help you is once someone passes they are still with us always.He said if you are quiet and watch for the signs you will see them.They are things you must be watchful to see but they are there .My computer this morning when I went to the bathroom was not in sleep mode yet I went to bed 4 hours ago .I am sure this is the first odf many signs she is here .It is what lead me to sign on to this site .Godbless you

Permalink Reply by Nina Peace on November 4, 2009 at 3:23pm

Wayne when I lost my mother in June 2002 she was only 53 and I was 31. Although she was sick I was alway so use to her bouncing back and standing strong so was my rock. When she passed away it was a pain that to this day I can't bear I would do anything to rewind that day and play it over again, my actions would be diffrent and my love would be greater. I always feel like I could have been a better daughter that I could have laughted, hugged and cared for her with greater kindness than I did in her last days here on this earth. Be grateful that your heart feels your were a good son and that you honored your mother in her life on earth. The old saying time heal all wounds is not 100% true, but time allows for forgiveness and remberance that will allow you live a grateful life that she was your mother and you were her son. Peace

Permalink Reply by Latisa Carter on November 9, 2009 at 6:14pm

I am very sorry for your lost. But you will still be crying months from now. It is a very painful experience. I lost Mom 11 months ago and it was so unexpected. Some days I am okay other days I am just losing it. I still have thoughts about the day I found her and I am still in disbelive about the whole ordeal I feel so lost. I dont understand why this happened. WHy couldnt she live forever!! Why is no one else experiencing this. I dont knmow how to deal with her death but I just try for the sake of my children. IT has driven me to drink every day. SO know you are not alone, but it takes time and I still have not accepted her death.