Tags:
Maneula.... Tomorrow, Christmas, is the day I most dread. Christmas was mom's favorite holiday and it will never be the same again without her. Just thinking about it makes me cry and cry.... I really wish it wouldn't come this year.
From diagnosis of AML until mom's death, we only had 6 weeks and 6 days to be together, to even adjust to the fact that at stage 5 at the time of diagnosis, mom had little time left, then she was gone. I'm still not ready and it's already too late.
Mom hated hospitals so we didn't allow her to be admitted.... she died at home just one lousy minute after I stepped outside. I hadn't left her side except for a few minutes here and there and she died one minute after I stepped outside. That still hurts me so much. I had promised her I'd not leave her and I feel like I let her down. One minute. Talk about wanting to change a moment in time.... that would be the moment I changed.
>
Every single morning, no matter how bad mom felt, she'd almost sing "good morning" the minute she saw you. I miss "good morning" a lot. There were days that it kind of annoyed me because I'd had a bad night sleep, the cat woke me up... you know, things that in the big picture are so little. I regret not always having appreciated mom's happy spirit in the morning. God I miss her.
I've attached a couple of pictures taken after mom's diagnosis, they were taken 2-4 weeks before mom died. Even then, she shone like a beacon of light... mom KNEW she was dying, she was sick and yet this, was mom. The doctor had told us to make mom's 90th birthday her best because it would be her last, she was right as mom passed just two days after she turned 90. Anyway, my sisters were both here from out of town so we had a small surprise b-day party. The party was on October 20, these photos were taken that day.
>
Thank you all for giving me a place to express myself and for supporting me.
Lauran
dearest lauren you have a beutyfull mom and please dont be sad about christmas you have to go on for you and for all of us you know we all feel the same iam yust as alone as all of you but i will be here if you want to talk to me and iam a good listener heee better than my typing but lauren may i tell you something wen you steped out for one minute and mom left do you know why
becouse she wantet it she had a hard time to let go becouse she wantet you but also wantet to go home it suppose to be easier on you my mom did that so do not feel guilt it was to happen sweety please know your mamma is happy
Lauran said:
Maneula.... Tomorrow, Christmas, is the day I most dread. Christmas was mom's favorite holiday and it will never be the same again without her. Just thinking about it makes me cry and cry.... I really wish it wouldn't come this year.
From diagnosis of AML until mom's death, we only had 6 weeks and 6 days to be together, to even adjust to the fact that at stage 5 at the time of diagnosis, mom had little time left, then she was gone. I'm still not ready and it's already too late.
Mom hated hospitals so we didn't allow her to be admitted.... she died at home just one lousy minute after I stepped outside. I hadn't left her side except for a few minutes here and there and she died one minute after I stepped outside. That still hurts me so much. I had promised her I'd not leave her and I feel like I let her down. One minute. Talk about wanting to change a moment in time.... that would be the moment I changed.
>
Every single morning, no matter how bad mom felt, she'd almost sing "good morning" the minute she saw you. I miss "good morning" a lot. There were days that it kind of annoyed me because I'd had a bad night sleep, the cat woke me up... you know, things that in the big picture are so little. I regret not always having appreciated mom's happy spirit in the morning. God I miss her.
I've attached a couple of pictures taken after mom's diagnosis, they were taken 2-4 weeks before mom died. Even then, she shone like a beacon of light... mom KNEW she was dying, she was sick and yet this, was mom. The doctor had told us to make mom's 90th birthday her best because it would be her last, she was right as mom passed just two days after she turned 90. Anyway, my sisters were both here from out of town so we had a small surprise b-day party. The party was on October 20, these photos were taken that day.
>
Thank you all for giving me a place to express myself and for supporting me.
Lauran
Dearest Lauren, I want to give you a little gift of my sincere hope that it will helps you through the darkness.
"If Love would have kept you here, you would have stayed forever."
manuela smith said:dearest lauren you have a beutyfull mom and please dont be sad about christmas you have to go on for you and for all of us you know we all feel the same iam yust as alone as all of you but i will be here if you want to talk to me and iam a good listener heee better than my typing but lauren may i tell you something wen you steped out for one minute and mom left do you know why
becouse she wantet it she had a hard time to let go becouse she wantet you but also wantet to go home it suppose to be easier on you my mom did that so do not feel guilt it was to happen sweety please know your mamma is happy
Lauran said:
Maneula.... Tomorrow, Christmas, is the day I most dread. Christmas was mom's favorite holiday and it will never be the same again without her. Just thinking about it makes me cry and cry.... I really wish it wouldn't come this year.
From diagnosis of AML until mom's death, we only had 6 weeks and 6 days to be together, to even adjust to the fact that at stage 5 at the time of diagnosis, mom had little time left, then she was gone. I'm still not ready and it's already too late.
Mom hated hospitals so we didn't allow her to be admitted.... she died at home just one lousy minute after I stepped outside. I hadn't left her side except for a few minutes here and there and she died one minute after I stepped outside. That still hurts me so much. I had promised her I'd not leave her and I feel like I let her down. One minute. Talk about wanting to change a moment in time.... that would be the moment I changed.
>
Every single morning, no matter how bad mom felt, she'd almost sing "good morning" the minute she saw you. I miss "good morning" a lot. There were days that it kind of annoyed me because I'd had a bad night sleep, the cat woke me up... you know, things that in the big picture are so little. I regret not always having appreciated mom's happy spirit in the morning. God I miss her.
I've attached a couple of pictures taken after mom's diagnosis, they were taken 2-4 weeks before mom died. Even then, she shone like a beacon of light... mom KNEW she was dying, she was sick and yet this, was mom. The doctor had told us to make mom's 90th birthday her best because it would be her last, she was right as mom passed just two days after she turned 90. Anyway, my sisters were both here from out of town so we had a small surprise b-day party. The party was on October 20, these photos were taken that day.
>
Thank you all for giving me a place to express myself and for supporting me.
Lauran
Lauran,
The first year back in 1978 we a family of 13 kids wanted to boycott Christmas . At the last moment, everyone changed their minds and the house was full on Christmas Eve. I was only 18 and now I'm 49.
That first year together without her and also we lost Dad the year before in 1977 we just all sat around just looking at each other trying to even grasp what that meant to our family unit. It was tough and I could cry a river about it. Tonight they are in heaven and just smiling down on me. Angels they are.
Margaret
I am so sorry for your pain......and I feel horrible right now....I read your comment that you had only 6 weeks and 6 days after diagnosis......and was jealous! I had only 9 days with my mom.........my god it took her so darn fast....and then I read about the beautiful party you had for her when she turned 90 and instantly thought - my mom just turned 65, how lucky you were to have her 25 years more than I had mine.....I feel petty by saying this, but I guess what I am trying to say is that I suppose no matter how long (or brief) of a time we have, I am sure it is never enough....and I am sure you would still feel the same had your mom been lucky enough to live to be 100....and with that I reminded myself that if my mom had lived to be 90 and I had been lucky enough to have 6 weeks and 6 days, i would still feel exactly the same way I feel right now, that it wasn't long enough!!
I love looking at pictures and am sure you cherish the beautiful ones you posted of your mother...what a radiant and beautiful woman she was...and according to you, with a wonderful sunny disposition to boot!!!
You know I keep expecting to see my mom - its been 11 days now and sometimes when I first wake up I want to call her...and when I come home I want to call her (she had all of us kids call her to "check in" when we drove home, to make sure we got home safely) She has this voicemail on her phone and it says "Hi this is your mother....or Pearl...I must be in a spot right now where I can't take calls, so sorry we can't talk now".
I keep calling it over and over and some of it makes me laugh, I am like, "you are right now momma you are in heaven and that is a spot that you can't take my call from" and how she instinctively identifies herself as mom first and Pearl second.
I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug right now.
and I wish I could get one of those hugs from my mom right now
Mary
Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.
© 2023 Created by Legacy.com.
Powered by