Overwhelming sadness

I lost my mother on November 11, 2009, just 1 day short of 7 weeks after she was diagnosed with AML. I miss her so much but the last several days have been horrible for me.... I am overwhelmed with sadness, not depression but sadness. I cry a LOT. I don't understand why this hit me so hard now. I was with mom throughout the illness as well as during the "process" of dying, right up until the minute she passed. I was almost numb at first but had a pressing need to do things, anything, just to keep busy. That helped. Yes, I cried during the weeks that followed but nothing like what I am experiencing now. Does anyone have any advice as to how I get past this? WHY this is happening now, 6 weeks after mom's death?

While shopping with a friend the other day I stopped in my tracks and told her that nothing seemed real.... all the hustle and bustle going on around us did not feel real. I know sadness is to be expected, but this has been horrible.

Lauran

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Permalink Reply by manuela smith on December 27, 2009 at 5:11pm

well i thank all of you out there for leting me get this all out also i think no one was reading any off that its my mistake i did not get the hang of tiping right and this dont matter its my way of going alone nothing changed and may be i need to let it go but bevor i go let me give you all this were ever you had to give up your loved ones the r not lost at all but save in heaven looking down on you all and smiling at you you r all very smart and sweet and this is were you dont realise how close your mama really is yust look at your smiles how you do thinks and you will see how lovely of a lagacy she left each of you take care manuela

Permalink Reply by Lauran on December 27, 2009 at 5:28pm

I'm having a REALLY hard time with this format! I get an email that tells me there is a post, then I have to search for it. Sometimes I actually find it. I have opened a forum that is far easier to follow in hopes that you and others will join. I don't think this site is allowing the URL but I'm going to try again.

OK, I can not see the posted link above this sentence, I can't figure out why it's not showing up.

EVERYONE is invited and the format is very simple to follow a thread or create new ones. Manuela, if the link does not show up (again) email me at lilyswawan@gmail.com

manuela smith said:

well i thank all of you out there for leting me get this all out also i think no one was reading any off that its my mistake i did not get the hang of tiping right and this dont matter its my way of going alone nothing changed and may be i need to let it go but bevor i go let me give you all this were ever you had to give up your loved ones the r not lost at all but save in heaven looking down on you all and smiling at you you r all very smart and sweet and this is were you dont realise how close your mama really is yust look at your smiles how you do thinks and you will see how lovely of a lagacy she left each of you take care manuela

Permalink Reply by Karen on December 27, 2009 at 6:47pm

Lauran, apparently you were very close to your mom (more than you realize) & it's just hitting now. I'm going through the same with the loss of my Dad - he was 94 but fully functional until he had a massive stroke Sept 20 of this year. He died Tues before thanksgiving. The stroke left him paralyzed but he knew everyone, was lucid & was able to swallow, etc. This is so difficult for me...I'm not crying as much as you, but my Hospice grief couselor Bill told me I have Dad's personality - stoic, oh I cry, but not a LOT, which is what I thought I would be - a complete basket case, didn't happen. Lauran, this is unfortunately the grieving "process" we MUST go through. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I have an idea. This will pass but we must do the Grief work, & when I cry for maybe 10 minutes on the couch, it's physically draining. In the first couple of weeks after Dad died I cried so much on the couch that I was too tired to get up! Anyway, Lauran, this WILL get a little easier, it takes time, but it will get better. Talk to me if you want - if you want my e-mail address I'll give it to you. I'm also a Medical Assisstant & Hospice volunteer so I do know some more. Keep well. Karen

Permalink Reply by Lauran on December 27, 2009 at 6:59pm

Karen, I would LOVE to keep in touch and talk to you some more. You are correct, I really was very close to mom and it's been just miserable without her.

This site says it allows links but the one I've posted twice doesn't show up. I am trying to create an easier forum than this one as I get lost constantly trying to find the latest comments. It doesn't always take me to that comment. The following is the link, the spaces need to be removed before it will work;
http:// lauranking . proboards . com /index.cgi If you don't want to try that, please contact me at lilyswawan@gmail.com (The site by the way is functional but at a bare minimum.... I hope to have it done correctly no later than Jan.2)

Lauran

Karen Simonetti-Russo said:

Lauran, apparently you were very close to your mom (more than you realize) & it's just hitting now. I'm going through the same with the loss of my Dad - he was 94 but fully functional until he had a massive stroke Sept 20 of this year. He died Tues before thanksgiving. The stroke left him paralyzed but he knew everyone, was lucid & was able to swallow, etc. This is so difficult for me...I'm not crying as much as you, but my Hospice grief couselor Bill told me I have Dad's personality - stoic, oh I cry, but not a LOT, which is what I thought I would be - a complete basket case, didn't happen. Lauran, this is unfortunately the grieving "process" we MUST go through. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I have an idea. This will pass but we must do the Grief work, & when I cry for maybe 10 minutes on the couch, it's physically draining. In the first couple of weeks after Dad died I cried so much on the couch that I was too tired to get up! Anyway, Lauran, this WILL get a little easier, it takes time, but it will get better. Talk to me if you want - if you want my e-mail address I'll give it to you. I'm also a Medical Assisstant & Hospice volunteer so I do know some more. Keep well. Karen

Permalink Reply by Missing Momma on December 27, 2009 at 7:46pm

Lauran
Am using my phone but I got to the site and you did a wonderful job!!

Permalink Reply by Lauran on December 27, 2009 at 8:25pm

Thanks Mary. It's a start. I hope you are doing well tonight!

Lauran

Missing Momma said:

Lauran
Am using my phone but I got to the site and you did a wonderful job!!

Permalink Reply by Holly Johnson on December 28, 2009 at 8:04pm

I know how you feel my mom passed away in October and I still cry at the drop of a hat. I will be going about my business and I will see something that would remind me of her and it almost cripples me...They say time will heal the wounds but..WHEN is my question..She was my best friend and confidant...I will forever miss her...

Holly

Permalink Reply by Lauran on December 28, 2009 at 8:57pm

Hugs Holly! I'm so sorry that you also lost your mother. This is the single most painful experience in my life.

You said.... "it almost cripples me" THANK YOU! I have been searching for those very words! There are things and times that drop me to my knees in pain and it almost cripples me, defines exactly how I feel.

When will it get easier? That, is an excellent question. I think there is a different answer for all of us. I just got off the phone with a friend that lost her son several years ago.... the pain still cripples her at times.

Hang in there, we are all here for you!

Lauran

Holly Johnson said:

I know how you feel my mom passed away in October and I still cry at the drop of a hat. I will be going about my business and I will see something that would remind me of her and it almost cripples me...They say time will heal the wounds but..WHEN is my question..She was my best friend and confidant...I will forever miss her...

Holly

Permalink Reply by Di Allen on November 11, 2010 at 11:32am

I haven't read this entire thread, but my mom died 6 weeks ago, and while talking to the nurses at Hospice, I found out that it is very normal for patients to wait until their family members are out of the room before they actually pass away. They said people have been there for days on end, not leaving the bedside except for a bathroom break, etc., and while they are gone their loved one passes away. That happens a lot, so don't beat yourself up, okay? I'm still working things out. I miss my mom TERRIBLY.