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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Crockett-Alvarado on January 2, 2010 at 1:39pm

Thanks Lauran, I posted this in the wrong thred so I know what you mean about this forum. Anyway I'll post again here:
I unbelievably (!) have now lost my mother too. I was just staring to make some peace with the loss of my father, and now my mom is gone? Adult Orphan now I guess. So unexpectedly, she had a stoke Christmas night, I spoke to her on the phone after EMS left, and she assured me she was okay but clearly they missed something, now they think she may have had a stroke! I don't know why she didn't go to hosp with ems! I found her TWO days later barely alive and they were just not able to help her at the hospital- she went into cardiac arrest and there was nothing else they could do... I have so many what if's, and why didn't I ...general guilt issues.
So today and the whole New Years' weekend I'm spending cleaning her apartment and suffering my terrible pain and loss... I just can't make sense of this right now. I managed to write half an obit, but will not make today's deadline at the paper here, I still have to notify her friends... please give me the strength I need for this!
Much too soon to lose antoher parent!


I unbelievably (!) have now lost my mother too. I was just staring to make some peace with the loss of my father, and now my mom is gone? Adult Orphan now I guess. So unexpectedly, she had a stoke Christmas night, I spoke to her on the phone after EMS left, and she assured me she was okay but clearly they missed something, now they think she may have had a stroke! I don't know why she didn't go to hosp with ems! I found her TWO days later barely alive and they were just not able to help her at the hospital- she went into cardiac arrest and there was nothing else they could do... I have so many what if's, and why didn't I ...general guilt issues.
So today and the whole New Years' weekend I'm spending cleaning her apartment and suffering my terrible pain and loss... I just can't make sense of this right now. I managed to write half an obit, but will not make today's deadline at the paper here, I still have to notify her friends... please give me the strength I need for this!
Much too soon to lose antoher parent!


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Permalink Reply by Lauran on January 3, 2010 at 12:07pm

Oh Jennifer, I am SO sorry! To have lost both of your parents has to be devastating. Truly, I am sorry. And yes, you are an adult orphan and I don't think it makes it easier that you are an adult.

About guilt.... you need to let it go. My mother was approaching 90 and losing weight, her old doctor had told us this would happen at around age 90 so I didn't pay as much attention as I maybe should have. That said, when you live with someone, you don't really notice weight loss. It wasn't until mom was sleeping far too much that I suddenly sat up and paid attention. For the longest time after mom's diagnoses, I blamed myself, I was so angry with myself, it was unbelievable. Mom passed away 6 weeks and 6 days after diagnoses, SIX lousy weeks. (Writing this has me sobbing, again.) You want to talk guilt? Talk to me. I was told by mom's doctor that everything I did was what anyone would have done and to let go of the guilt.... still, I'm the queesn of guilty. There is nothing we can do to change the past and I feel that we both did what was "meant to be". Does that make it feel any better? Nope. If EMS left without taking your mother to the hospital, shame on them, NOT you! By them leaving your mom at home, they pretty much gave you the message that everything was OK. With EMS basically stating that your mom was fine, how can you even begin to blame yourself? Please let the guilt go... I haven't been able to and was just diagnosed with two ulcers on Friday. The heartburn started four days after mom died but when pain in my stomach and finding it hard to swallow at times joined in, I knew there were problems. My doctor said it's from stress, I call it guilt. Please don't do this to yourself.

My email address is in one or two of my posts somewhere on here, please feel free to email anytime.

Again, I am very sorry for your loss and it is a HUGE loss.

Lauran

Jennifer Crockett-Alvarado said:

Thanks Lauran, I posted this in the wrong thred so I know what you mean about this forum. Anyway I'll post again here:
I unbelievably (!) have now lost my mother too. I was just staring to make some peace with the loss of my father, and now my mom is gone? Adult Orphan now I guess. So unexpectedly, she had a stoke Christmas night, I spoke to her on the phone after EMS left, and she assured me she was okay but clearly they missed something, now they think she may have had a stroke! I don't know why she didn't go to hosp with ems! I found her TWO days later barely alive and they were just not able to help her at the hospital- she went into cardiac arrest and there was nothing else they could do... I have so many what if's, and why didn't I ...general guilt issues.
So today and the whole New Years' weekend I'm spending cleaning her apartment and suffering my terrible pain and loss... I just can't make sense of this right now. I managed to write half an obit, but will not make today's deadline at the paper here, I still have to notify her friends... please give me the strength I need for this!
Much too soon to lose antoher parent!


I unbelievably (!) have now lost my mother too. I was just staring to make some peace with the loss of my father, and now my mom is gone? Adult Orphan now I guess. So unexpectedly, she had a stoke Christmas night, I spoke to her on the phone after EMS left, and she assured me she was okay but clearly they missed something, now they think she may have had a stroke! I don't know why she didn't go to hosp with ems! I found her TWO days later barely alive and they were just not able to help her at the hospital- she went into cardiac arrest and there was nothing else they could do... I have so many what if's, and why didn't I ...general guilt issues.
So today and the whole New Years' weekend I'm spending cleaning her apartment and suffering my terrible pain and loss... I just can't make sense of this right now. I managed to write half an obit, but will not make today's deadline at the paper here, I still have to notify her friends... please give me the strength I need for this!
Much too soon to lose antoher parent!


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