On the morning of December 13, 2009, my 80 year old mom who still worked full time, was playing a game with my son, reading the paper, searching the web, and appeared to be doing quite well. Later that evening, she had fallen as a result of an aneurysm which led to a brain hemorrhage which led to talks with the head neurologist in the emergency room, and resulted in her death 12 hours later.

Everyone tells me I'm lucky she passed quickly. While I don't think she would have wanted an illness that dragged on, I'm not convinced this is much easier-at least to those of us left behind.

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I am so sorry for your loss, I have experienced the sudden loss of both my parents within a nine week period, people tell me when my father fell and died of his injuries in (Oct. 22), "at least he didn't suffer". My mother on ther other hand, did suffer with pain and illness for many many years, (cardiac arrest Dec. 29) and so, I do have moments when I am comforted by the thoughts of them being finally free of pain and suffering, but it is never a good time to loose a parent, and we will always want them in our lives. Peace to you through this difficult time. -Jenn
People tell me the same thing since my mom died unexpectedly. I think there's a lot of trauma in not being able to say goodbye to someone who was such an important part of our lives. People also seem to expect us to recover really quickly and make rational decisions in this completely unrational time. I wish you strength, and I'm sorry for your loss. It seems to get a little easier. My mom died on November 20, 2009 and I've stopped crying every day. I hope you'll find some peace also.
Jennifer Crockett-Alvarado said:
I am so sorry for your loss, I have experienced the sudden loss of both my parents within a nine week period, people tell me when my father fell and died of his injuries in (Oct. 22), "at least he didn't suffer". My mother on ther other hand, did suffer with pain and illness for many many years, (cardiac arrest Dec. 29) and so, I do have moments when I am comforted by the thoughts of them being finally free of pain and suffering, but it is never a good time to loose a parent, and we will always want them in our lives. Peace to you through this difficult time. -Jenn
I lost my father on Dec.7th,2009 due to complications from a fall. My father loved Christmas and he was hanging Christmas lights on his house,lost his footing on the ladder and fell hitting the patio. He sustained several injuries. One of which was a colapsed lung. The fall was on Nov.29 and he formed a massive embolism in his lung and that's what killed him.He was only 55 and very healthy.He hadn't been to a doctor in almoust 20 yrs.I cry every day as well and I haven't been able to look at Christmas lights the same.

Faith Bishop said:
Jennifer Crockett-Alvarado said:
I am so sorry for your loss, I have experienced the sudden loss of both my parents within a nine week period, people tell me when my father fell and died of his injuries in (Oct. 22), "at least he didn't suffer". My mother on ther other hand, did suffer with pain and illness for many many years, (cardiac arrest Dec. 29) and so, I do have moments when I am comforted by the thoughts of them being finally free of pain and suffering, but it is never a good time to loose a parent, and we will always want them in our lives. Peace to you through this difficult time. -Jenn
I appreciate the empathy and words of support. It's been almost a month since she died and yet it still feels like she should be here.
I truly understand. I lost my mom, a week after Thanksgiving 2009. We were visiting families in Pittsburgh, PA to celebrate the holiday, when she suddenly complained of a severe headache a day after Thanksgiving. I rushed her to the ER. We found out that she ruptured her brain aneurysm. She was transferred via a helicopter to a bigger hospital specializing in neurosurgery. She was in a coma for 6 days, until the doctors told us that there's nothing that they can do. I had to decide whether to let her suffer for a long time or let go. It's hard enough losing my most precious friend and my hero, it's even harder when I had do decide to let her suffer or let go. She died 12 hours later after our decision. That was December 3rd 2009 and she was 76 years old! I returned her back to our homeland and traveled out of the country thousands of miles away. She arrived back home on Christmas day. I just buried her last week. Now, I'm back in United States and I miss her so much! To Mama, you are always my hero!
I'm sorry for your loss. In some ways, I wish we knew if my mom was having headaches. It might have made the transition from her as active and engaging to resting a coma a little easier to comprehend.

MamaMaria said:
I truly understand. I lost my mom, a week after Thanksgiving 2009. We were visiting families in Pittsburgh, PA to celebrate the holiday, when she suddenly complained of a severe headache a day after Thanksgiving. I rushed her to the ER. We found out that she ruptured her brain aneurysm. She was transferred via a helicopter to a bigger hospital specializing in neurosurgery. She was in a coma for 6 days, until the doctors told us that there's nothing that they can do. I had to decide whether to let her suffer for a long time or let go. It's hard enough losing my most precious friend and my hero, it's even harder when I had do decide to let her suffer or let go. She died 12 hours later after our decision. That was December 3rd 2009 and she was 76 years old! I returned her back to our homeland and traveled out of the country thousands of miles away. She arrived back home on Christmas day. I just buried her last week. Now, I'm back in United States and I miss her so much! To Mama, you are always my hero!
I'm so sorry for your loss......I totally understand, as I lost my dad very suddenly last February. He was 81, and has been very healthy- just died with no warning. His dad and several of his brothers had gone in the same manner, so it was something we had talked about- I know that was the way he hoped it would be. What more can we ask for for someone we love than for them to go without suffering.......of course I would like him to still be here, but we can't live forever. It has been a long road, this past year, but peace is coming slowly. take care...jen
I have had people tell me the same, "I'm lucky he passed quickly" response, I always say, "No, LUCKY would be that he didn't pass at all."

We are never lucky to lose the ones we love. Sure, no one wants someone they love to suffer a horrible or painful disease -- but neither does anyone want someone they love to die. I categorize this under the "totally UNhelpful comments" -- because it implies that the person grieving should feel badly for feeling bad. Just what a person needs: grief and guilt!

I am very sorry for the loss of your mom. I can imagine your sadness, as I just recently lost my wonderful father quite suddenly, also. I wouldn't wish the sorrow on anyone.

I hope that you find some small comfort that that are others of us that understand your journey.

Kathryn
Even though I went through grief workshop/s I experienced people who spoke before they thought. I had one person in a workshop, the facilitator, who starting speaking after I told of my loss and stopped mid sentence and repeated what I said as if she did not believe my loss, that my mom died before my dad. Please do not tell me to stay afterwards and speak with you, because your response just does not warrant such a conversation with you. Another workshop I attended apparently the one facilitator was not really in the mood to be there that evening, and I got crabbed at, which I did not deserve. I held my tongue at the rude response. Do facilitators not learn anything from the grief workshops that they do? Crabbing or coming off to a person who is grieving a loss, does not get you brownie points. Do they think we are weak because we are grieving and they will not get yelled back at. I am not a counselor, however even I know that a person who is grieving does not need any more hurt/heartache. And yes I felt weak, more like broken-hearted. Weak because I did not have the energy nor did I want to expend the energy to crab back at those two individuals. I had to use my energy wisely for my sake, not for an insensitive person/s. However I do not believe everyone would see it this way, and would make a comment back at the insensitive individuals. At some point in these individuals lives they will be in the same boat, grieving a loss of a loved one.

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