I was 17 years old when I lost my father. He had just turned 40 and was playing basketball with our church's men league. I was not at the game, I was at home asleep, but my mother and brother (13 at the time) was. Apparently he collapsed and by the time I arrived at the hospital he had already passed away. They say it was a problem with his sarcoidosis and his heart (which no one,not even him , knew about). It kills me everyday to think that my dad, healthy and young could just die suddenly and to not even see his kids one last time. This has traumatized me greatly and I am angry at the world that he had to go. It makes no sense how a healthy person can just die like that in the middle of doing what they love.

Its almost been 3 years now and I have so many unanswered questions. I always wonder if it was painful, fast, slow, and did he even have a chance.

I feel like an outcast and I get jealous/upset when people get to still have their dad ...

i feel like i just been rambling but I really hope this group helps me because I need something

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Nicole, you said...
"Its almost been 3 years now and I have so many unanswered questions. I always wonder if it was painful, fast, slow, and did he even have a chance.

I feel like an outcast and I get jealous/upset when people get to still have their dad "

I don't think you are alone in the way you feel about other people who still have their parents. Just try not to let it interfere in relationships.

Your questions can be answered by your mother and brother as far as the pain goes. They saw it and would be able to tell you what they thought. It sounds like it went fast, very fast and I believe if he'd had a chance, the hospital or EMS would have been able to give him that chance.

I'm sorry for your loss and I know how much it hurts. I have learned in the past two months to try to stop questioning and second guessing everything, it doesn't help a thing.

Hugs..

Lauran
You are not an outcast for sure. I too have the same feelings about my mom, but she is still alive. She is mentally ill, so she can't do all the things my friend's moms do for them. Amazing, loving things to help them become better mothers and women. I in turn, take care of my ill mother. My Dad use to take care of her and he died young (for me) age 58. I can identify with your feelings. The truth is they are feelings so that they can be overcome. Your Dad didn't give you life to waste it feeling resentful, angry and bitter. He would want you to be this lovely young woman, full of love to give. I keep telling this to myself. Because I struggle with anger, resentments, and bitterness. Life is not suppose to be fair, rosey, or easy. We get, what we get. We are suppose to give it back as something beautiful, somehow. I'm almost 40. I can tell you that your Dad loves you so much, to this very minute. He is right there in spirit. He wants you to be beautiful on the inside. Honor him, by forgetting the anger and moving on. He is now in perfect health, healed, made whole, and living in Paradise! May you be healed of this poison that is controlling your thoughts and essentially your life. Life isn't fair to anyone. Everyone WILL LOSE. It's just a matter of when, and it is just a matter of who and it what order. We lost my niece at 1 years old to a drowning accident that could have been prevented. It wasn't fair at all. And now to lose my Dad, my mom's caretaker, and my personal strength. He was adored by so many people at his job, in his hobbies, in his life. He was just a great guy all the way around. The only way I can keep my faith is because I KNOW that there is a God and I'm not Him. If I could understand why he chose to take my great Dad and leave a child molester here on earth to prowl around, I would be God. I don't understand, I won't ever understand. What to do? Move forward, each baby step and make good choices in my life. Overcome my desire to resent the world, and make my life beautiful in big and small ways. You have your entire life ahead of you. In time, you will see the plan unfold. You have 2 Dads in heaven right now! They both will help you throughout your life in every decision and every move. Ask for his help; I know your Dad is caring for you right now. His love will never end.
Nicole glad you found this site. Lost my father 1/15/2010 he was 68 years old. He had a heart attack. He survive colon cancer only to die early in the morning. In three days I would've been home to spend 30 days with him. Currently in the military. I'm saying all of this to you.... It is very difficult to lose someone you love.

Cherish the memories you had with him. Allow other people to come into your life that can help you deal with your grief and pain. Every day I struggle with this myself.

Hope this will help you just a little.

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