Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Priceless on February 4, 2010 at 5:32pm

Celia, I am sorry for the loss of your father. After my parents died, I wrote letters to my parents and to God. It helped me. I wrote alot about the time I spent with Dad since I was fortunate to spend the last 3 weeks with him. You can keep it if you want or do not save it. I have not saved everything that I wrote. (that is the great thing about computers, do not have to save the document). If writing is not your thing, maybe just giving your thoughts to God. I also attended grief workshop/s, grief worship service, read more grief books, and somethings just prayed that prays that would bring me comfort and feel close to Dad and Mom. I pictured my parents young again holding hands and running through a field. I told Dad in my thoughts that it was OK for him to join Mom and God. I tried to say it out loud as he layed in bed in the hospital, although I only got part of it out, I was starting to cry. I gave him my blessing if that is what he was to do, Join Mom and God. God Bless You.

Permalink Reply by Marcia on February 5, 2010 at 9:51pm

I found writing a letter to be helpful too. My Dad died in March of 2009 from ALS, and his last days were awful as well. Similarly, I know my Dad would have so much wisdom on certain issues too. In dealing with family and relatives just know that it is easy to focus on them vs. feeling the pain of loss. Focus on you, the loss you are dealing with right now and creating a life each day that honors your father. I have a big framed photo of my Dad in the kitchen. I talk to him often throughout the day as well. I know he would want me to "move on" from mean or abusive people in the family. Try not to think of the pain they are causing you right now, but try to focus on the grief of losing your Dad and honoring him in all of your life's decisions.

Marianne said:

Celia, I am sorry for the loss of your father. After my parents died, I wrote letters to my parents and to God. It helped me. I wrote alot about the time I spent with Dad since I was fortunate to spend the last 3 weeks with him. You can keep it if you want or do not save it. I have not saved everything that I wrote. (that is the great thing about computers, do not have to save the document). If writing is not your thing, maybe just giving your thoughts to God. I also attended grief workshop/s, grief worship service, read more grief books, and somethings just prayed that prays that would bring me comfort and feel close to Dad and Mom. I pictured my parents young again holding hands and running through a field. I told Dad in my thoughts that it was OK for him to join Mom and God. I tried to say it out loud as he layed in bed in the hospital, although I only got part of it out, I was starting to cry. I gave him my blessing if that is what he was to do, Join Mom and God. God Bless You.

Permalink Reply by Anita on February 13, 2010 at 8:09am

Celia...I'm sorry for the loss of your father. Focus on yourself and your family. I know it's hard that your dad's family don't communicate like you want them to, but you can't control what other people think or do. Do not let their actions control you. People react to the the death of a loved one differently.....some people act as if it never happened and don't want to communicate with you because thay can't handle that you are still grieving. This does not make it right, by any means. Focus on the people that love you and are supportive. I know it's hard not having your dad here to consult, I felt this also when my dad passed. I used to go to the phone to call him for his advice and then would remember that I couldn't do that anymore. I started a journal, talking to him and telling him what I felt...it helped to let it out, when there was no one else I could talk to. It does get better in some ways, but life does go on and you have to go on with your life. Do something your Dad would want you to do, whether it be school, career, etc. Put your trust in God, not people, He will always be there when no one else will.

Permalink Reply by BarbP on February 14, 2010 at 7:36am

Dear Lost,
I can't tell you what to do, but I do know how you feel. I lost both my parents in 2009, they were 84 and 85 and I was very close to both of them, they had become my best friends. Now, the time I spent with them is empty and I feel lost too. It is getting better, but I still have days where the grief overwhelms me - I want to run away from the heartache, but when I do that it just comes back later with a vengence. I guess the best thing we can do at a time like this is feel our feelings - acknowlege them for what they are, knowing they come from losing someone we loved very much and they are normal, then focus on something else or do something we enjoy and gives us comfort - that's different for every person. The 1 year anniversary of my Mom's death is coming up next week, my Dad's the week after. I don't want to face that, but I must. I look back to where I was at that time and see how far I've come in my healing, how I am getting back to living my life, and that helps. When I look at where I would like to be, I get discouraged so I try to focus on what I can do today to make a better tomorrow.
You are so young, and my heart goes out to you in your loss. Your Dad is still there with you in Spirit, and he will give you strength in the days and years ahead. Some people might think this rather odd, but when I feel like I need a little fatherly advice, I just ask - "Dad, what do you think" and I feel him guiding me, encouraging me, supporting me and I feel better - if you had a good relationship with your Dad, maybe that would help you too.

Permalink Reply by Lauran on February 17, 2010 at 12:50pm

Celia, first, I'm so sorry you lost your father. Hugs to you.

At your age, I didn't understand that to forgive is to release a lot of negative and set yourself free. It doesn't mean you can forget, but it takes a big person to forgive.... try to forgive, holding on to the anger isn't good for you. Maybe it would be best if you kindly asked your family why they seem to be treating you this way, they may not be aware of how it is affecting you. They may not even be aware that they are doing it.

My mother passed away just 2 days after her 90th birthday and only 6 weeks and 6 days after being diagnosed with AML. It's still so raw at times. I look a lot like my mother and when someone points that out, I fall apart. Keep your chin up and try talking to your family.


Lauran

Permalink Reply by Priceless on February 20, 2010 at 1:09pm

I seem be religiously challenged lately. I believe and prays the religion I was raised with and am active in another demonination. I not sure any more to which I belong. When I am in worship at the church whereI am a member, I feel like I should be in Mass. That I should carry onthe legacy of my parents. After all they raised me. But when I attended Mass recently, it was pretty dead. I am not sure where I belong. I am sure my parents would be very happy if I went back to my religion I was raised with. Which I have no complaints. OR sometimes it is a comfort since my parents are both deceased, been 3 years for both. One worship service recently I attended, all I could think about was that I should be in Mass and not here. Someone once had suggested I should speak with a priest, which I am reluctent to do, since I have not had very good experiences with a priest, and 2 pastors. I know that is a small number; however, it would totally ruin it for me. I guess I will just wait it out, OR dissolve my membership and my resign from my activities at this current church. I do not want to make a hasty decision, but the pull is greater to what I was raised with.