Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by LGWilson on February 9, 2010 at 6:23pm

Pam, I am in a similar situation. My brother & sister were horrible to my mom and I took care of her. There is noone I can share this stuff with. I am trying to accept that God wants me to have these private lucky moments to cherish. I have so many. My 2 siblings could care less and were never interested when she was here.
Several nights a week when I am driving home i just end up talking to my mom out loud in the car. "Mom, remember when we....." It's all I can do.
You were there for your mom and they are cherished memories.

Permalink Reply by yolanda on February 9, 2010 at 6:51pm

Pam B, losing your mom is difficult. Understand your pain. I seem to cry at all the wrong times also. My father died 1/15/2010 he was the glue of our family. He held us all together. A friend of mine told me to take one minute at a time. Don't try to rush your feeling or emotions on the lost of your mom. Losing a parent is a natural thing yet it feel so strange at the same time. Just hold on to the beautiful memories you have of her....

Permalink Reply by Margaret Evans on February 9, 2010 at 8:10pm

Pam
You are not alone. I to lost my Mom, my best friend for 57 years. I was single,l never married and lived at home with my parents until my Dad passed 1988. Then Mom and I shared a new home together from 1989 until her death in 2005.
We did everything together, grocery shopping, movies, shopping, took cruises, short weekend get aways, camping, concerts, Christmas shopping, sight seeing on Sunday afternoons. I felt like I was closer to my Mom than my younger sister, because she moved out and married at age 18.
She had a husband, and eventually 2 children, grand kids to occupy her time. I spent the last 2 months of my Mom's life with her 24/7 in the hospital after quadruple heart bypass surgery and intestinal surgery. My Sister did relieve me of sitting at the hospital with Mom when she could weekends.
When I left Mom on Friday afternoons until I returned on Sunday afternoon, I missed Mom tremendously. Sister did keep me posted throughout the weekend with telephone calls of Mom's prognosis after the doctor's visits each day.
You are not along in this. You will always have your Mom's memories, cherish those. They will always be within your heart and thinking. However, I found out that dwelling too much on the past relationship you had together is not good for your well being. Mine developed into total emotional depression. It took me 4 1/2 yrs to pull myself out of this emotion upheaval. I just started living for myself in 2008.
I met a nice guy, started dating him just to have someone in my life to talk with about my MOM. He was a friend to her also. After 2 yrs, I have moved on within my relationships, and have now started living for myself. Not saying totally put Your Mom's memories away. Just tuck them aside for awhile, and it will get easier for you. When you feel you need to...bring the memories out and think about the good times of your life with her. Since I started donating her household items and clothing to charity...so others can get the benefit of the items...I finally feel better within myself. I do feel like I can move on with my happiness and senior years. Take Care!

Permalink Reply by Tootie on February 10, 2010 at 2:38pm

No Pam you are not alone. I have had a similar situation the difference being that my mother had an on-going drug addiction, therefore, my aunt raised my brother and I, however, my mother was always there. During my mother's passing on January 10th, some aweful things were said about us being there for my mother and at her side during her homecoming. Although, my mother had an illness she was a very vibrant beautiful women. So i am left feeling like you that no one wants to hear about her or that i should be grieving. However, that was my mother regardless of what she did or how she did it. Not only did i deal with my mother's loss but also had to deal with unnecessary comments that only added salt to an open wound. What i have come to realize is that my father our God will never leave you or foresake you. You can cry out to him as i have a many of nights to give me strength to make it daily. He listens to the brokenhearted and will mend your heart. Have peace in sharing those stories, true friends regardless if they knew her or not will listen. This is therapy right now being able to write about it believe it or not. This is just another one of God's way of talking to us through this on-line grief group. I thank God he gave me the mind to come here and join this group because it has really been nice knowing we are not alone. I pray the lord will give you strength and peace during the moments you feel alone and dear lord i ask that you help her lean on you when no one is able to comfort her. In your name i pray "Amen" Take Care Pam and
God Bless You!!! Tootie