This may sound odd

I've been reading many posts about parents dying in a hospital and it honestly makes me feel great joy that my mother was able to die at home with me caring for her with the help of Hospice. In her last days, she really wasn't with us but she knew where she was. I know this because she'd talk to people only she could see, pointing out things in the room that she loved. Mom's eyes would be closed and she was hard to understand but a single word here and there would bring it all together. My mother hated hospitals and I'm so thankful that not only did I know that, but that I was here and able to be by her side 24/7.

I have since asked my father if he becomes ill, where does he want to be cared for.... he also chose home.

This may sound odd but I really am thankful to Hospice as because of them, mom was able to die in the place she loved.

Lauran

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Permalink Reply by Kathryn on February 17, 2010 at 1:45pm

Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to have a parent die at home, if they so desire. I am glad that brings you comfort.

Permalink Reply by Lauran on February 17, 2010 at 2:08pm

I completely understand that, all I was saying was that I'm thankful that because of hospice, I was able to.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on February 17, 2010 at 2:09pm

One summer after 7 heart attacks my Mom's doctor sent her home to die. He gave her 6 months. Hospice was nice they came and helped during the day. But as soon as the 6 months came and went they left. I was left alone caring for mom. I did it, I took care of her, her home and mine and all our needs. I'm glad that I did, but it was very hard. It took me 5 years to get thru the grief and all. I'm glad that you had help. Many people told me to put mom in a care home, I couldn't do it. Some of us are able to do it (care for loved ones) and some aren't that's why we have nursing homes. I had to quit many things, working out in the evenings, working period and time with my own family because she wanted to stay in her own home. I'm sure that we do the best we can. Death is rough no matter what. I personally will choose a chare home for myself if it comes to that in my life time, because I don't want to put my family thru what I went thru.

Permalink Reply by Lauran on February 17, 2010 at 2:26pm

My intent with my post was NEVER meant to hurt anyone. Sorry.

Yvonne Hess said:

One summer after 7 heart attacks my Mom's doctor sent her home to die. He gave her 6 months. Hospice was nice they came and helped during the day. But as soon as the 6 months came and went they left. I was left alone caring for mom. I did it, I took care of her, her home and mine and all our needs. I'm glad that I did, but it was very hard. It took me 5 years to get thru the grief and all. I'm glad that you had help. Many people told me to put mom in a care home, I couldn't do it. Some of us are able to do it (care for loved ones) and some aren't that's why we have nursing homes. I had to quit many things, working out in the evenings, working period and time with my own family because she wanted to stay in her own home. I'm sure that we do the best we can. Death is rough no matter what. I personally will choose a chare home for myself if it comes to that in my life time, because I don't want to put my family thru what I went thru.

Permalink Reply by Kathryn on February 17, 2010 at 2:28pm

I understand what you are saying. I am glad Hospice brings/brought you comfort.

Lauran said:

I completely understand that, all I was saying was that I'm thankful that because of hospice, I was able to.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on February 17, 2010 at 9:16pm

Dear Lauran,

I'm sorry you, didn't hurt my feelings and I'm not here to hurt anyone. Please forgive me if I did. God bless your heart that you had the help that you needed. I could have used more. But we made it, and I grew closer to my Mom the time that I cared for her.. we got to say goodbye. I don't resent it in anyway. I just know that I broke down big time after, that's how I am.. strong when I need to be then fall apart. I don't want my loved ones to go thru that with me. I'm sure it's a very personal decision for each of us. ((hugs))

Permalink Reply by Jenny on February 17, 2010 at 10:58pm

Lauren,
I never thought I would be supporting what you stated, however, not only do I support your post, I volunteer for Hospice. I have to say they were wonderful and continue ,11 months later, to be supportivive . Never would I have guessed in a million years,that such a heartwrenching situation was a bit more bearable. My mom could Finally rest, in her home, under her terms and her family with her. God Bless You and Hospice.Don't get me wrong, I miss my mom like crazy and struggle everyday, but Hospice was a huge part of being able to go on and understand in a way I never thought of prior to their intervention.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on February 17, 2010 at 11:06pm

Jenny it's great that you work for hospice. I just wish that they had stayed with me longer, I really needed help. The work load made the grief of watching Mom die harder, because I couldn't get breaks. I needed the encouragement of my family and I didn't have time to be with them. Your an angel for what you do. Maybe Hospice is different in each state. Mom was left feeling like she didn't die fast enough for them. It was very sad.

Permalink Reply by Lauran on February 18, 2010 at 11:38am

Jenny... I think I must have worded my original post all wrong because my intention was never to offend anyone that had a loved one die in a hospital but rather, "sing praise" so to speak about how glad I was that my mother was able to die with dignity at home mostly due to Hospice. I was mom's primary caregiver, but hospice was here daily.... either mom's nurse or personal caregiver were here daily except Saturday or Sunday. They were only here long enough to provide the care mom needed at that particular moment but they always had time to answer my questions fully. I'm not ready yet, but soon I plan to attend the hospice training program for volunteers, I want to pay it forward to others because I appreciate so much what was given to us.

Unlike many of you, my mother's illness was FAST. Mom passed away 6 weeks and 5 days after diagnosis, we only had/needed hospice for a total of 7 days, mom's "time" ran out long before the time hospice covers did. That said, we are now blessed with Reverend Ruth and grief counseling for up to 18 months. I find it sad that services like hospice run out, forcing patients and families to seek traditional medical care in a hospital or other facility. I wouldn't have traded places with anyone those last 7-8 days.... it was a time of giving and receiving that I will never forget.

If I offended anyone in my original post, please accept my heartfelt apology. Hugs to you all....

Lauran

Jenny said:

Lauren,
I never thought I would be supporting what you stated, however, not only do I support your post, I volunteer for Hospice. I have to say they were wonderful and continue ,11 months later, to be supportivive . Never would I have guessed in a million years,that such a heartwrenching situation was a bit more bearable. My mom could Finally rest, in her home, under her terms and her family with her. God Bless You and Hospice.Don't get me wrong, I miss my mom like crazy and struggle everyday, but Hospice was a huge part of being able to go on and understand in a way I never thought of prior to their intervention.

Permalink Reply by Lauran on February 18, 2010 at 12:10pm

Yvonne... My understanding is that hospice is called in by a doctor when a patient has 6 months or less to live. In theory, this is good.... in reality, it is not. There will always be people that outlive what is only a prediction. NO ONE can say for sure how long any one person will live, only God has the answer to that. I am so sorry that the system failed you and fail you, it did. One would think that the cost of hospice is by far less than that of doctors, hospitals and so on and that insurance companies would be happy to extend the service hospice provides.

My mother died a week after hospice came in, one week. I know how difficult that one week was and I feel for you that you were on your own and that your mother felt she didn't die fast enough. That is so wrong and, sad. Hospice is a wonderful organization, I wish they had been with you until the end.

Hugs...
Lauran

Yvonne Hess said:

Jenny it's great that you work for hospice. I just wish that they had stayed with me longer, I really needed help. The work load made the grief of watching Mom die harder, because I couldn't get breaks. I needed the encouragement of my family and I didn't have time to be with them. Your an angel for what you do. Maybe Hospice is different in each state. Mom was left feeling like she didn't die fast enough for them. It was very sad.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on February 18, 2010 at 12:33pm

Lauran I'm sorry for your loss.. My Dad is 80 and still living but I'm of the opinion that the loss of Mom is one of the greatest. (hugs)

Permalink Reply by Judy on February 18, 2010 at 12:39pm

Hello, I lost my Dad 10 years ago to cancer. We had hospice come in all the time, we started in July 1999, he past away in March 2000. They were awesome. Dad was able to stay at home for the last few months of his life and enjoy all the things he loved best while he could. It was hard on Mom, and myself, but we were able to enjoy and celebrate his last birthday, and Christmas. Those memories I'll never forget. They were a great help, even the chaplain came and gave comfort. My Mom died this past Jan, and I miss her greatly. It was suppose to be a snap in replacing her pacemaker, unfortunately too many complications, and she ended up dying in the hospital. We had to make the decision to remove her from life support, her odds were only 10-15% for survival, and even at that what kind of quality of life is that? On her last day on earth, we all gathered around her bed and spoke & sang to her.