This may sound odd

I've been reading many posts about parents dying in a hospital and it honestly makes me feel great joy that my mother was able to die at home with me caring for her with the help of Hospice. In her last days, she really wasn't with us but she knew where she was. I know this because she'd talk to people only she could see, pointing out things in the room that she loved. Mom's eyes would be closed and she was hard to understand but a single word here and there would bring it all together. My mother hated hospitals and I'm so thankful that not only did I know that, but that I was here and able to be by her side 24/7.

I have since asked my father if he becomes ill, where does he want to be cared for.... he also chose home.

This may sound odd but I really am thankful to Hospice as because of them, mom was able to die in the place she loved.

Lauran

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Permalink Reply by Lauran on February 18, 2010 at 12:39pm

Yvonne, I too am sorry for your loss and agree that the loss of our mothers is indeed a great loss. I truly am sorry the system failed you.
Lauran

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on February 18, 2010 at 1:18pm

Judy said:

Hello, I lost my Dad 10 years ago to cancer. We had hospice come in all the time, we started in July 1999, he past away in March 2000. They were awesome. Dad was able to stay at home for the last few months of his life and enjoy all the things he loved best while he could. It was hard on Mom, and myself, but we were able to enjoy and celebrate his last birthday, and Christmas. Those memories I'll never forget. They were a great help, even the chaplain came and gave comfort. My Mom died this past Jan, and I miss her greatly. It was suppose to be a snap in replacing her pacemaker, unfortunately too many complications, and she ended up dying in the hospital. We had to make the decision to remove her from life support, her odds were only 10-15% for survival, and even at that what kind of quality of life is that? On her last day on earth, we all gathered around her bed and spoke & sang to her.

Judy I am so sorry for your loss's. I'm glad that Hospice stayed with you and you have awesome memories. They helped me too the 6 months that I had them. I think Kansas has some of the stricted laws when it comes to the 6th month deadline. Also her doctor should have tried to get them back out, but none of that happened. I'm okay now.. that was in '97 after 5 years of grieving I was able to look at the happy times we had together and try not to think of that last year. I know that Mom is walking on streets of gold and sitting at Jesus feet.. Where one day I will join her.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on February 18, 2010 at 1:22pm

Thank you Lauran you are the only person who has ever said that to me and to be quite honest I didn't realize until now how upset I was at hospice. Perhaps I should volunteer some of my time to them and help make a difference.

God bless You

Permalink Reply by LGWilson on February 21, 2010 at 8:07am

Hospital is no place for them to be preparing to move on.
I am so gald Hospice kicked my mom out because she wasn't 'dying fast enougjh' because I brought her home and had 5 lovely days alone with her, indescribeable and not easy to arrange all of the red tape so I could tend to her finally.

Permalink Reply by Billinda on February 21, 2010 at 10:27am

Amen, Lauren...This does NOT sound odd, and I totally agree, and we should all give thanks and say a special prayer for hospice organizations with their wonderful, dedicated and loving workers who help us provide services that allow with to keep loved ones at home. For we alone, would not be able to do without them.

My beloved uncle was a Baptist Minister for over 35 years, and upon retiring became a part of a Hospice Group in his new home town as their chaplain. He would only devote his services there about 4 years before succumbing to renal carcinoma. My Dad and I lived in the neighboring state and visited often. (This was my Dad's youngest brother, and out of 11 children, he and my Dad are most alike in so many ways...with their love for God, family & country always present, but a good trick or prank always lurking when in their presence!) He said many times, Hospice was one of the greatest things he ever did in his life! He passed on July 25, 2005, with family, and Hospice at his side at home. Oh yes, there was also one "Lonesome White Dove" perched on the tree outside his window that had been there for 3 days. It was gone when Hopice went to leave after my uncle's passing! Chance?....I don't think so!

Permalink Reply by Maureen Ross on February 21, 2010 at 9:27pm

My mom also got to die at home although I didn't make it home in time and had to say 'good-bye' while I was driving. Both of my parents so loved their home. I totally understand what you are saying as I look at the last 6 or 7 years that both my parents were sick (they seemed to trade off times when they were in the hospital!) as a blessing. We had some of the best talks, I got to re-hear stories that I only half-listened to growing up, and I just go to be there with them. I remember driving back and forth to see them (I live 200 miles away) and now that they are gone I am so grateful for that added time. When I would go home and one was in the hospital -I got to spend one-on-one time with each of them. I would go to the hospital and give my other parent a much-needed break, and when I got back to their house I got to spend time with that parent. Tiring - yes, but I wouldn't trade 1 moment of it for anything. I got to hold their hands, we said 'I love you' more, we hugged more, and we cried more. That is what comforts me now that they are both gone. So I truly know what you mean and it is not odd - it's called peace.
My father died in the hospital - and he was all alone. I had just talked to him 2 hours before he died - and he was due to come home in 2 days.
I am told that he just died sitting in the chair. I know that if we had the opportunity he would have liked to die at home. I have had friends whose family members had to either be in a hospital or a nursing home due to the level of care they needed - and that too can be peaceful.
I think what is comes down to is that none of us ever want our loved one to suffer - and as long as they can go peacefully and without pain - the surroundings are secondary.
I was blessed that neither of my parents suffered - and even though I wanted to be with them - I am not the one who is important here. That took me quite a while to realize. I was mad that God took both of my parents without me being there with them at the end. It's not about me - God was with them and took them peacefully and for that I am grateful.