My father and I always had a strong bond. We were best friends. Growing up my mom was in and out of my life due to her life style...drugs & drinking. With the help of my amazing grandparents my father raised me on his own. I cant say things were always easy for me and im sure dealing with an emotional teenage daughter was not always easy for him, but we got through it okay. He had a few girlfriends here and there but in the end it was always me and my dad. Through out my teenage years i became very aware of my fathers drug habits, I never thought it was anything that would take his life. I wouldnt classify my father as your "typical" addict. He always went to work, always kept the house clean, always took care of me, you couldnt tell by his appearence that he was using cocaine. It always seemed like just a recreational thing. When i turned 22 I decided to move out of the house for the first time, I wanted to see what being an adult was all about. After a few years of trying that out i decided that being an adult was too expensive, over what would be our last meal together I told my dad I wanted to move back home, he couldnt of been happier. I woke up the morning of oct 31, 2009 I immediately started packing and waited for my father to come with the uhaul. When he didnt show up or call I knew something was wrong. I drove to his house, opened the door and found him face down in our living room. My father passed away October 30, 2009 he died of a drug overdose, he was only 48yrs old. I feel such a mixture of emotions on a daily basis. Im so sad and depressed i no longer have my best friend , I feel angry for the way he left me. Im confused as to why this had to happen this way. Why on the day that i was supposed to move back home? Although im not super religious i do believe in god, or i used to, if there is a god i dont understand why he would do this? Im a 24 year old kid, i dont do drugs, i dont do anything illegal, im a nice person, im just trying to figure out what to do with my life?I dont feel like i deserve this. I feel guilty for not knowing how bad his drug problem really was, maybe i couldve done something and he would still be here. I feel lonely. Im only 24, most of my friends have never experienced something so tragic. ALthough i have a great support team nobody really knows what im going through. I try surrounding myself with pictures and memories but sometimes that just makes me more depressed. I have nightmares often, I cant get the image of his dead body out of my head. I replay that horrible day in my head over over. I just miss him so much.