hurt/empty/lost

I was having a conversation with my mom on 2/1/10. She got up out of the chair to go to the restroom. I heard her praying but that wasn't uncommon. I started to go towards the restroom but something told me to go back and sit down. It was a few minutes later when I was on my way out the door to pick up my son from school and something said go in the restroom. That was the worst momment, the worst day, thing to happen in my life. I was an only child and my mother and I saw each other anywhere from 5-7 days a week. She didn't drive but made sure that my children never had to spend a momment alone. I can't begin to express the pain, sorrow, grief, emptiness, sadness. That was my best friend. My rock, my hero and despite that I may not have done everything the way she thought she loved me unconditionally. I think if I did not have children that I really would loose it. I am praying for strength and know it's going to take time but I can't feel it right now. I am glad to know that what I am feeling is normal but it still hurts so so bad and I can't stop crying.

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Permalink Reply by Kathryn on February 27, 2010 at 9:26am

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mother. I too am an only-child -- and I understand that it can be a very lonely place when we lose our parents since we don't have siblings to share memories etc.

My dear and beloved father died six months ago. Like yourself, I was the one to find him. I also had "inner-feelings" on the way to see him -- and I truly believe that those feelings were from our parents in effort to protect and help us. I really believe that.

I also saw my dad several times a week. He was my best friend and greatest support. The pain is still terrrible but it has become more bearable. It has been an emotionally draining experience -- and I am still waiting for a single day without tears.

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I pray that you find the strength to navigate as peacefully as possible through your journey.

Kathryn

Permalink Reply by Ruth on March 9, 2010 at 3:46pm

Pam, I understand I'm sad also. My Mother passed away Nov. 29, 2009, she was my best friend. This is such a huge lost, I can't stop thinking of her and wishing she was here for me to talk with her and to see her. I miss her, and my dad died 23months before her and it is so hard to accept, that they are both gone.

Permalink Reply by Mary Jo Scalise on March 9, 2010 at 10:50pm

Dear Ms. Pam, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I too, understand the feelings you are going thru right now. I lost my Mom on August 28th, 2009. and not a day goes by when I don't cry. But I will pray for you for strength to go on. Even tho i have 3 older sisters, I feel like I am an only child. My Mom and I always went places together, when I had problems, she was my shoulder to cry on, and she was my rock too. Now it feels so strange to be without her. It will take time for you to get back on your feet again. You suffered a major loss. and even tho time heals all wounds it wont take away the void that your Mom made when she passed. But know this, your Mom still lives in you! and you have a guardian angel to protect you! (Im very sorry if I have offended you in anyway.) But this is what helps me to keep moving on.. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care. and again, my deepest sympathy.

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