Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Suzanna on March 24, 2010 at 2:06pm

Carol, I feel for you. I lost my Dad Feb. 08, 2010. The way that I have been dealing with my loss is to imagine that he is finally with his family in heaven. He finally gets to see his Dad again after 20 years of missing him. He gets to see both of his brothers and his mother. My Dad was very miserable for the last 2 years of his life. He was the only member of his family that was still among the living. He would tell me when I would see him that he didn't want to live any more. Hearing this I would shake my head and tell him that I am sorry that he felt that way but that I do love him alot. He would then smile and we would talk about him missing his family. So when he did die I was at peace that he finally got his wish to be there and not be miserable anymore. I miss him terribly, but I tell myself that the pain that we feel is the price that we pay for loving someone. Please believe that he is with you in spirit and he is looking down upon you.

Permalink Reply by Linda on March 24, 2010 at 2:27pm

Carol, I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my Mother 2/17/10. She was 90 but doing good until the last 5 days of her life. So her passing was a shock. Try to remember no one can feel what you feel, but always remember also your not alone. trust your family and friends, talk to them tell them how you feel, talk about your Dad, talk to your Dad. and it sounds like you did everything you could for your Dad, and try not to feel guilty for feeling sad and empty. it's part of dealing with the loss of someone you Love. When you talk about your Dad it helps you heal and him live on. we can only wish for them to still be here to hold their hand, give them a hug or just sit and talk. As hard as it is we must live on and find comfort in those around us. it's not crazy to look for words of wisdom, they bring comfort and help us find our way. I believe your Dad is with you and you will find little signs along the way through your life. maybe someone will smile at you and you say to yourself Wow! that just reminded me of my Dads smile :) that is a sign! I miss my Mom like crazy we lived together my whole life of 49 years. you can bet I miss her. but I believe I did everything I could for her and she will live on through Me. because I will do things she taught me, remember things she said and did and loved and I will talk about her everyday because it makes me feel Good! Sad sometimes but still good. I hope you can find what makes you feel better. maybe hug your kids twice 1 from you and 1 from Grandpa. there is never anything wrong with a hug from someone you Love it warms your heart and soul. the feeling of their loss will never go away so we need to find what helps us deal with that and our lives. it's going to be the hardest thing we've ever done but we can do it by talking to others who are going through the same loss like on this web site. but remember Family they are there for you. May you find what you need to help you with your loss. Linda

Permalink Reply by Ruth on March 24, 2010 at 2:43pm

I too share your pain. My Mother passed away 11/29/2009 and this is the worst feeling. My Dad passed away in 1/7/2008 that was so sad, but I really didn't have the time mourn because of helping her and now, I'm dealing with the loss of both. Some times I can't beleive this has happened, especially with the deaths being so close. Lately I've been dreaming about the two of them together, last week and the week before I was just dreaming about my Mother. I think about the good times, but it doesn't help me, it makes me miss them more. I just can't beleive this has happened, they are both gone from me!

Permalink Reply by Toy on March 24, 2010 at 4:08pm

Hi Carol
I can feel your pain, death does make you feel very empty because it wasn't suppose to be this way we were created to live forever [ECC 3:11] So when our loved ones die it hurts a great deal. I understand what you mean when you said I rather for him to be here in the hospital where you can see him daily instead of being gone. I felt the same with my mom not that I want her here suffering but that is exactly how it would've be. So that I wouldn't be selfish I had to accept the fact she will no longer be in pain. Though I miss her so much! I cry often, but I find hope and comfort in God's words knowing that I will see her again, and you can see your father again, hold his hand and talk to him real soon in the promised new world. Our heavenly father made a promised there will be a resurrection, and that should be comforting.[John 5:28; John 10:25] Your father is OK because Ecclesiastics 9:5 says, "The dead is conscience of nothing at all" So really Carol the pain comes from his absence not because he is hurting or sees you hurting. He is not aware of the pain that was caused by his passing, but just think how happy he will be when he sees your face welcoming him back. Paint that picture in your mind and allow that to comfort you. [2Cor 1:3,4] May many prayers be with you!

Permalink Reply by carol on March 24, 2010 at 4:36pm

Ruth I always ask god to let me dream about my dad. I have read so many times that spirits come to you in your dreams. miss him so much a dream would be so comforting.

Permalink Reply by Stacey Ussery on March 24, 2010 at 11:47pm

I am so sorry for your pain. My mom died on Feb. 3, 2010. 8:13 am. You included the time, also. I wonder why that is so important? Like you, we spent months in the hospital with mom. While the schedule was grueling... I work full time teaching 8th grade math and have a husband and daughter... I could have kept up the pace forever if it meant keeping Mom close. My brother, sister, and I rotated shifts around the clock to make sure Mom was never alone. I share your pain.

You could not have done anything different. To love and be loved.... you and your dad had it all. What else is there? There was nothing else to be done. You would have seen to it.

This is our family's second catastrophic loss. Experience assures me that time will numb this initial, intense pain. You will learn to compensate for the hole that your loss has created in your heart. Trust in yourself. Rely on your faith and that which your parents taught you.

What good parent can ever completely leave their child? Your dad is close.... your Father is closer. As much as your dad loved you, God loves you exponentially more. Both will provide comfort.

My husband and I nursed his grandmother while she died from bone cancer. The last two weeks were so comforting. She spent the days talking to her husband and daughter who had gone before her. My husband would come home from work and swear that he could smell his grandfather in the house. I am as sure of these events as I am sure of my name and birthdate. I share them with you so that you will know that our loved ones watch out and wait for us. Just as your father came before you and paved the way on earth... he does so now in heaven with your Heavenly Father. You will be reunited. I keep telling myself.... It's not going to be that long. I will see mom again. Keep the faith.

Permalink Reply by Denise on April 28, 2010 at 3:49pm

Carol,

I lost my dad on January 11, 2010. In many ways, I feel that time has stood still since then. We have a number of similarities in our grief. I am a teacher in a school on academic watch so my work is very stressful right now. While dad wasn't in the hospital a great deal, he did have health issues with his heart. He woke up on that morning and died quietly and quickly about 15 minutes after getting up. Fortunately, I did not have to return to work as quickly as you. I had to take a full week off because we had to take Dad to another town for his burial. It was a hard week. I thought that would be the worst of it but I was so wrong. With each month it gets a little harder. Mostly because the shock of his death has worn off. I have good days now but in many ways it is harder than it was. Don't feel guilty about how you are feeling. I feel the same way. I've read a number of peoples post and I have realized that what we are going through is natural. We have to allow ourselves time to grieve. I have really put that on the back burner because I just don't want to feel the extreme pain it will cause. All I am doing is delaying the inevitable. The dreams most likely will start. Dad had been gone almost 2 months before I began to dream about him. In the first one, he came home for the day. He was checking on us to make sure we were okay. I remember rushing to the house because I knew he wouldn't be there the next day. That probably goes back to my guilt of not going to see him the day before he died. I really felt a strong desire to go but didn't. I have felt guilty about that ever since. Taught me a valuable lesson. Give yourself time. Take time from your stressful job so that you have time to grieve properly.