Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Colleen McCarthy on July 14, 2010 at 11:32pm

i can say that for me the memories have gotten easier to smile at and cherish more. I don't think the loss ever gets easier. She was your mother and nothing can replace that love. My mother died in Dec. 2009 and I am still dealing with her being gone. Having friends sure helps and if you need to talk, I will listen.

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on July 15, 2010 at 12:00pm

Mo,
I hear what you are saying. According to my "family" who can't believe the anger and frustrations, is because I developed a "holy boldness" to just be plain honest with the six sisters, mother in law, husband, friends, sons, and HUSBAND! Now that I have vented, did it help, temporarily, do I feel disappointed that no one saw I was drowning, yet they were too busy to notice, or she so strong....whatever! Now I am truly in a mess. You would think honesty would be the best policy about love and feelings, and grief...but what seems so simple in my mind, just encourarge, listen, call, or send a note....this may sound paranoid, but my phone rings once a day, and no one ever has noticed or had the time that I am just plain miserable.
I stay to myself, but rarely accomplish anything. I pray, yet get distracted. My immediate family are all saying Counseling...or go to a rehab camp, or thats not my problem....I guess I was so naive my entire life, there are takers and givers. I have dedicated my life to what I thought was a God given talent, to be a care giver, but when my mother in law of 31 years, never told her side of the family my mom died, and she wanted to know why I wasn't wanting to see her, she actually told me that she felt closer to my sisters then to me. I reminded the dear soul, I had been married to her son for the above mentioned years, and raised the only 3 grandchildren that will return her call. Negativity and criticism I do not need, but I simply explained I have never met a human that I couldn't help, and perhaps we are like oil and water, we just do not mix! Well I have gotten a lot off my chest, dear Mo, I am so sorry if I sound like I am drowning in pity, but I never have been selfish with my time or talents, but at 55 perhaps I better do a life review, and work on ME. Take care, Belinda

Mo said:

Joni said:

My mom passed almost 3 years ago. I've been almost paralyzed with the grief I still feel. I miss her so much it almost physically hurts.
I don't know where to turn. I also feel as though I'm in a very dark place with no hope. It is an awful feeling.
I know people say it gets easier with time. Well, in my case, that just isn't so. I feel like a big part of me died that day with her. I almost wish I had. Coping with the loss is crippling for me.

Joni, keep in mind that your Mom would never want you to feel so bad. It sounds like the pain is still very raw for you. I hope that you are speaking to someone in regards to this. I think talking to people can help a lot, even if it's hard. I know my problem is that whenever I feel like saying anything about how I feel, I stop because I wonder why anyone else would want to hear that. It's depressing stuff, and I don't like bogging people down with it.

I don't know whether or not you have sought therapy for how you are feeling, but I can tell you that I have made a proactive decision to seek it, as I feel that I am in a very dark place as well right now.

Permalink Reply by Tonya on September 5, 2010 at 10:38pm

Im sorry Jimmy about your dear mom, I lost my Mom in Jan 2010 my dad last yr in July09 I know that feeling of not wanting to live anymore I know how it feels to be in unbearable pain. May god bless u my friend and ease the pain in our hearts.

Permalink Reply by Tricia McLaughlin on September 7, 2010 at 10:09pm

Jimmy and the others,

I can truly relate to all of the statements here. My Mum passed May 31 of this year (Memorial Day). Every day, there is a "trigger" that reminds me of her. Sometimes I feel like I'm going three steps forward and ten steps back. We were best friends. I was the caregiver, and now, what a void I am left with.

I despise the expression "time heals all wounds". BS. Time only makes it more bearable. I feel I have a right to say that as I lost my dad at the age of 13, and it still hasn't healed.

I'm glad I found the forum and hear others are going through the same thing, denial, anger..........whatever the emotions are that come under "grief".

Tricia

Permalink Reply by Henry Sawicki Jr on September 10, 2010 at 12:09am

I lost my beautiful Mom last November 2009. I miss her so very much!!! I don't really think time makes it any eaiser just more bareable. I contacted a few local hospic facilities and was put in touch with grief therapist who I see a few times a month it has helped plus, she hooked me up with a 6 week grief recovery workshop that was amazing! see if you can find something like that where you live. Try to stay strong we both know that is what are Mom's would want us to do! God Bless

Permalink Reply by Christine on September 14, 2010 at 7:09am

My mom has been gone since February for me it actually feels worse than better. The pain is more real now, reality sets in that she isn't ever coming home. She was my best friend always there for me growing up. I feel lost, I can't tell you it gets easier, you come to grips with it more. Grief is a healing process, even though most of the time it can be very overwhelming. Support groups are great where you can express your feelings like sadness, anger, lonliness and fear all those emotions you can reach out with other people that are in the same prediciment.

Permalink Reply by Donna on September 14, 2010 at 7:23am

Jimmy,
Hang in there. It does get easier. I lost 6 family members, including my best girlfriend in the space of 2 years. Both Mom & Dad lived with me for their last 4 years. I ended up seeing a grief counselor for the pain I was in. He said for every death you go through, it takes 2 years to recover from. It is very hard in the beginning, but I will tell you, you need to talk to someone, and live your life the way you would feel would honor your mom. In all honesty, being a mom of 4 adults, I would never want my child to become depressed or crippled with grief over my passing. I would want them to remember me, honor the values I taught them, and live life to the fullest. Pray that God will give you the grace to endure. Do whatever you feel will help you through. Talk to her, maybe write her a letter about your feelings and leave it at her grave. Whatever it takes, but don't let it get you to the point of not being able to go on. Think of her smile, the jokes, and every hug you gave her that told her you loved her. Remember the good times as she would want you to. When you think of her - smile - as she would have loved for you to remember her.

Permalink Reply by Tina M Martin (Perry) on September 14, 2010 at 8:24am

Hey,
I lost both of my parents back in 2008 within 6 months of each other. I can honestly say that it does get easier to handle - there are still days that I have to just shut myself off from the world and have a good cry - but then I'm better for it.
I miss them everyday! I miss talking to my mom everyday on the phone! Sure I can still talk to her , and I DO, but it's not the same....

As others have said, you find it easier to handle in time, I can't honestly say that the grief gets any easier....you just handle it better over time.

I agree with the others who have posted, live as if they(he/she) is still with you - cause in a way they are - and live how you would think they would want you to. To honor them and the hard work they did in raising you to the adult that you are.

To all of you out there suffering I send a virtual hug !!!!

All my best,
Tina

Permalink Reply by Gina on September 14, 2010 at 2:02pm

Dawn,
That is the stage I am trying to get to, my dad passed in March 2010 and the pain literally takes my breathe away. I try to now look at his picture and belongings and smile, I pray and pray hard, I try to do things to keep busy but at times it is crippling for me. I know each of us have our own grieving process but today I looked at his clothes, smelled them and then smiled.

Dawn Price said:

Joni,

I lost my Mom June 7, 2008 ( My Birthday) and my Dad ( March 26, 2010). After my father's death, I was very very sad. I went to a therapist and spoke with my church pastor. I am feeling better now and functioning. I am not saying I don't have bad days because I do. What I found the helps me most is I celebrate their life everyday by living my life to its fullest. My father built my daughter a swing and I wasn't able to look at it, much less swing on it w/o crying. Now I push my daughter on the swing and celebrate the fact that he built it for my daughter and how lucky she was to have an awesome grandfather. I cook with my daughter and celebrate the fact that my Mom taught me to cook. I say celebrate your Mom's life and the good things she left behind.

Permalink Reply by Francis Valente III on September 20, 2010 at 11:16am

Joni-I just lost my mom a week ago and still in shock! I just pray that you get on with your life with happy thoughts of your Mom. Sounds like a platitude but she would want you to be happy and find fun with life. She would not want you to mourn her the rest of your life. I am working to feel that way someday!



God bless-- Frank.

Joni said:

My mom passed almost 3 years ago. I've been almost paralyzed with the grief I still feel. I miss her so much it almost physically hurts.

I don't know where to turn. I also feel as though I'm in a very dark place with no hope. It is an awful feeling.

I know people say it gets easier with time. Well, in my case, that just isn't so. I feel like a big part of me died that day with her. I almost wish I had. Coping with the loss is crippling for me.

Permalink Reply by Christina L on September 27, 2010 at 4:23am

I could've written this. My mom died 7/09. It has definitely not gotten easier. The realizing she really isn't here and isn't ever going to be has rocked me to the core. I am, by nature, a very strong person but like you, I physically hurt/grieve/wish I was with her every day. I've gone to counseling. Take medications to help with the depression but, all I'm really doing is marking time - I go through the motions of life but when what was your life is taken away, sometimes gaining your footing is...impossible. There are very few people in life who can say someone else really and truly "had their back" - my mom was like this for me. I am unmoored & lost without her here. I'm 43, married, have a career & still, right now, I feel like I'm 5. I'm glad for those on here who say its gotten better. My dad died 8 yrs ago just shy of their 50th wedding anniversary. Being an adult orphan - sucks.

Joni said:

My mom passed almost 3 years ago. I've been almost paralyzed with the grief I still feel. I miss her so much it almost physically hurts.

I don't know where to turn. I also feel as though I'm in a very dark place with no hope. It is an awful feeling.

I know people say it gets easier with time. Well, in my case, that just isn't so. I feel like a big part of me died that day with her. I almost wish I had. Coping with the loss is crippling for me.

Permalink Reply by trudy m on October 4, 2010 at 9:35am

I lost my mom 7 years ago. Seems to get worse and worse as the years go by, like she's on vacation and won't come back home. I am now 46, with 4 children, she never met the baby. That just hurts my heart so, because she spent so much time with my other children. I wished I had gone to grief counseling, I may still go, hopefully it will help.

Joni said:

My mom passed almost 3 years ago. I've been almost paralyzed with the grief I still feel. I miss her so much it almost physically hurts.

I don't know where to turn. I also feel as though I'm in a very dark place with no hope. It is an awful feeling.

I know people say it gets easier with time. Well, in my case, that just isn't so. I feel like a big part of me died that day with her. I almost wish I had. Coping with the loss is crippling for me.

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