I just lost my mother to Ovarian Cancer

My mother was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in December of 2009 and she lost her battle on May 2, 2010. It was so fast and I am having such a hard time dealing with this. I want to blame everyone from my mother who didn't go to the Gynecologist for two years, even though we all knew something was wrong to the Doctors who kept giving her chemo treatments even though she was so weak. I am talking to a therapist and reading books but I don't know if it's enough. My mother was only 67. What hurts the most is that my mother and father knew in January that she only had a 25% chance of fighting the OV, but yet never shared this with me and my brother. We were told "She'll have the chemo and then the surgery and everything will be fine" and I believed that. I'm 40 years old and I believed what they were telling me. I guess that is why this is such a shock to me! My father keeps giving me her jewelry as he says "It's what she wanted". I had no closure with my mother because I wasn't at the hospital when she passed. I saw her on the morning of her death and all of her vitals were normal and then she went downhill and I was at home when I heard that she passed. My mother and I had argued alot and if I knew that she had limited time, I would have tried to mend our relationship, but I ran out of time and it's too late. I'm trying to be strong for my Dad and brother, but it is difficult at times. My Dad says that he's grieving too because this was his life partner and doesn't take my feelings into account. Does he not care that I am grieving too? This was my mother. I also have an 8 year old son who doesn't understand that his grandmother is gone. I tell him that he is in Heaven, but I don't think he clearly understands. I found age appropriate books to read to him, but he doesn't seem to understand. I need some advice because this is tearing me apart!

Thanks!

Ilana

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Permalink Reply by kathy on May 26, 2010 at 7:22am

I'm sorry to read your hearts ache with sadness I am praying for you. The Bible assures us: “God is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” (Psalm 34:18) I took this page out of a book I read I hope this will help your son "God has given us many wonderful gifts. One of his finest gifts to us is life. Without it we could not do anything, could we?—But if we want to keep that gift, there are some things that we must do. You are doing one of those things right now. So am I. We do it all day and all night, even when we are asleep. If we were to stop, we would die right away. Do you know what it is?—Yes, we are breathing. There are other things that we do every day to keep alive. Can you name some of them?—We eat food. We drink water. And we sleep. God made us so that we cannot live without these things.
None of them are hard to do. In fact, I like eating. Don’t you?—But how does food keep us alive? Do you know? What happens to it after we swallow it?—
Our body breaks the food into very tiny pieces. Then the blood carries these to every part of our body. This food is used in a marvelous way to build new bone, new flesh, new hair, nails, eyes and other body parts. Did you know that?—
You may wonder what happens to the old body parts. These die off a little bit at a time and are taken away as wastes. The new ones take their place.
These changes are happening everywhere in our body. It does not take very long until our whole body is made over. Jehovah made our body so that it does this. He made it so that it would go on doing it forever. Yes, he made man to live forever. But people die. Why?—Because Adam sinned against God. And we got sin from Adam. He spoiled man’s good relationship with God. And our life depends on God. To live forever, we need more than air and water and food and sleep. We need to have the right standing with God. There is no doctor that can make us live forever. There is no magic pill that will keep us from dying. The only way we can live forever is by drawing close to God. The Great Teacher tells us how to do that. Let’s get our Bibles and open them to John chapter 17, verse 3. Here we find what Jesus said: “This means everlasting life, their taking in knowledge of you, the only true God, and of the one whom you sent forth, Jesus Christ.”

Permalink Reply by flagator8 on June 5, 2010 at 8:37pm

Ilana,

I lost my mother to ovarian cancer and from diagnosis to her death was 9 months. She was a week shy of her 58th birthday. there is nothing i can say that can help but just know that you are not alone. if you want to email me, lustgartenr@hotmail.com

Permalink Reply by ali on June 18, 2010 at 10:20pm

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away December 2009 from cervical cancer. She was told November 1st that there was nothing more they could do and 6 weeks later she was gone. She beat cancer once before when I was young so I figured she would beat it again. Even the day she passed away I didn't believe it. When I lost my dad in September of 2007 she was there to comfort me and guide me through it, but when she passed there was no one there to help.

Your friends, this website, and any other family are your best people to talk to. I have a 5 year old who asks about her Nana everyday. She spent a lot of time with her. I told her that Nana is in heaven with Grandpa. I told her that Nana has angel wings and anytime she misses her all she has to do is start talking to her. That her Nana will wrap her angel wings around her. She smiled and said, "does everyone that goes to heaven get angel wings?" Kids are so cute sometimes. Your son may not completely understand or he may not want to talk about it yet. Each child has their own way of coping.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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