I lost my Mom in August 2009, unexpectedly. She was only 54, and left so many that loved her, behind. She was admitted to the hospital because she collapsed at work, and I went to go see her 250 miles away. Thank goodness I did. I had spent a week there, and the doctors and nurses said she was going to be released, so I was going to come back home and get my kids, and come back to take care of her at home, until she was ready to go back to work. I came home on a Saturday and 20 minutes after I pulled into my driveway, I got a phone call from family that she passed away, and they tried to rasusitate and it was unsuccessful. I'm still in shock. In general she was in good health. I look back and get down on myself for all the things I didn't do with her, and ways I could have done better. I just keep on getting more depressed and sad...Just wondering if this is normal. Her death did not start becoming reality, until there has been some major things in my life going on. I always just want to pick up the phone and call her, and realize...I can't. Why is it that it is more real now, then when she passed? Maybe because nothing was planned? We had to plan and get things taken care of, because she had not prepared for dying. I guess it was just survival mode. I'm so sad, I want it to get better, but at this time, I'm not knowing what to do.

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I am very sorry about the loss of your mother. There are many stages in the process of grieving. It is very normal to be depressed and sad. Unfortunately we live in a time where "unforseen occurence befalls us all" (Ecc. 9:11) God put eternity in our hearts and thats why none of us plan on dying, we know it happens but we are never ready for it.

God does offer to help us in times of need. Ps. 55:22 says: "Throw your burden upon Jehovah and he himself will sustain you". He is there for us when we need to tell him exactly how we feel. He is a God of comfort. He also gives us a wonderful hope for the future found in John 5:28 & 29: "Do not marvel at this because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out." He promises to bring back to life those we have lost in death under perfect conditions here on earth. (Ps. 37:29)

I hope that these scriptures bring you some comfort and hope.

My deepest condolences.
I can understand what your going through, because my mom died May 17, 2010 in an automobile accident, while taking my sister to school. My sister's ok, thank God! unfortunately my mom passed. She was only 55, and I have sisters that are 17 and 18. My father seems lost, he rides his bike everyday by the crash site, which is near by to where he lives. I drive by the crash site on a daily basis too. I found out that my mom died while at work, it was like everything was in slow motion. I feel lucky that my mom was with me through my prom, wedding, child birth, and all those special moments, but my little sisters don't get to have that now. It really dosn't seem real. It does feel like a dream. This kind of pain has never happened to me.
Tanya I understand how you feel. I lost my mother almost the very same way you did on July 22, 2009. Today is a very bad day for me! I miss her so must. I was on-line just looking as tears pour out of my eyes right now. Nobody seems to understand how hurt I am. During the time she was on life support and during the funeral it seems like I had all the support in the world but the minute everyone gets back into going about their daily life I'm still here hurting! I pray and pray and it still hurts! Somedays I'm as strong as an ox but right now I'm so weak. Sometimes I wanna die myself because this pain is so great. Its just me and my brother and we are not close. I just had to vent and sorry if I added to your pain
I understand because I lost my the mother to she was not she just laided down and die I dont eat I just to go to work I cry all the time just do the best you can if you want to cry sometime it make you feel better for a min I sorry for you lose I am still there I sent up a extra prayer for you to god bless
I am sorry for your loss, Tanya. I recently lost my Mother. I have moments when I'm fine, then when I least expect it, I break down and cry...sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I often cry by myself. I look for anything that reminds me of my Mother. I almost welcome the crying because it makes me feel still connected to her in that moment. I have pictures of her at my home office and everywhere around the house. I miss her voice...I don't want to forget her voice. I miss her cards and letters. I will have my first birthday without her this year. I am crying writing this now. I feel bad that I did not visit her often in the past year. Don't beat yourself up over what you didn't do. I keep telling that to myself. I have moments when I feel she is still alive, then I am reminded in a second that she is not. One morning, I woke up with the thought that I will call my Mother...but again, in a split second, I remembered that she is no longer living. We need to focus on the good memories...the good and happy times, the laughter, the many celebrations, the hugs, the smiles, and family times. It's hard, I know, believe me, I know. I think it's those quiet times when we feel the sadness the most. I think it is natural to think and miss our loved ones, when our mind is quiet and still. We are longing for them. I am looking into volunteering and helping a non-profit in my area. My Mother was always happy and proud when she would hear of my volunteer work. I wish you the best as you find your way through the sadness. Remember, you are not alone. Sending prayers to you. God bless you.
@ 1fynelady....Hello. I saw your reply. My mother also passed away on July 22, 2009. I saw you commented on the 22nd of June and you sad that it's a bad day for you. Isn't it strange how a day of the month can carry so much pain? This is a hard week as the year mark approaches. I don't know how you feel, but I don't want it to be a year. I feel like it just happened yesterday. I feel like people are going to expect it to be okay now that it has been a year. I also understand how you feel about the people that were there last year and now they're not. Everyone moved on. I look at them and I think...how do you not know how much I hurt? Nobody I know is close to their mother so they will never experience this pain. Nobody wants to hear it and nobody asks. Some days are easier, but the hard days are too much sometimes. Questions, regret, more questions...I too think that dying would make it easier and have thought about it sometimes. It's too much hurt for one person. I know our moms would want us to be strong, but it's so hard. You mentioned life support, mine was on a respirator and she was only 59. It was such a horrible and unfair end for her. I am an only child and you aren't close to your brother which stinks. I just wanted you to know that I understand your pain, especially as this horrible day approaches this week and each month. It will always be there. You are not alone.
Thanks you for answering back I still have very bad days I had to go to the doctor this week because i pass out on my job my blood sugar was very low. I cry everyday I here our song she my mother picture she was my best friend she was my buddy we was just like to sister when you seen me you saw here we did everything together. My mother was not sick she heart just stoped. It is so hard to go on what do you there do you go who do you talk to because when it is all said and done you are all alone. So many people at after that they are gone back to there home and you dont here from them anymore.Some days I feel like I am going crazy yes I work after that I just go to bed until it is time to go back the next day I just dont feel like doing anything anymore because I did everything will my mother I dont any body to do anything with. I will be praying for you too because everyday is harder than the last. My mother had always told me that we all will die one day but my mother she has never been sick or had a cold and just die like that I am lost. Pray for because I dont know my way back what do you do when all you had and loved is gone.God Bless Sharon
1fynelady said:
Tanya I understand how you feel. I lost my mother almost the very same way you did on July 22, 2009. Today is a very bad day for me! I miss her so must. I was on-line just looking as tears pour out of my eyes right now. Nobody seems to understand how hurt I am. During the time she was on life support and during the funeral it seems like I had all the support in the world but the minute everyone gets back into going about their daily life I'm still here hurting! I pray and pray and it still hurts! Somedays I'm as strong as an ox but right now I'm so weak. Sometimes I wanna die myself because this pain is so great. Its just me and my brother and we are not close. I just had to vent and sorry if I added to your pain
Sharon l Fanning said:
1fynelady said:
Tanya I understand how you feel. I lost my mother almost the very same way you did on July 22, 2009. Today is a very bad day for me! I miss her so must. I was on-line just looking as tears pour out of my eyes right now. Nobody seems to understand how hurt I am. During the time she was on life support and during the funeral it seems like I had all the support in the world but the minute everyone gets back into going about their daily life I'm still here hurting! I pray and pray and it still hurts! Somedays I'm as strong as an ox but right now I'm so weak. Sometimes I wanna die myself because this pain is so great. Its just me and my brother and we are not close. I just had to vent and sorry if I added to your pain
Im sorry about your beloved Mom, Tanya I pray that god eases the pain in our hearts I know its hard and the pain is unbearable but I was touched by your story and I do care if nobody else cares.
Tanya,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and sadness. I totally understand. I lost my dad this July 29th. I feel your exact pain especially since his death was sudden and not to mention the life changing experiences that you pick up the phone to share but only to realize that they are gone. It has become almost surreal.

In all, I keep praying to God in hopes of him relieving my pain and brightening fond memories of him. I hope and pray that God does the same for you.
Tanya,
I too lost my mother suddenly. My story is a lil different, as I was there with her when she passed. Yes the depression and sadness is normal. I have noticed that my belief in my higher power, helps to lighten the load. When the time is right, and only you will know when that is for you. You will begin to take baby steps towards healing.
It has been almost a year for me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my mom. Some days are easier than others. I try to remember the good times, the laughter, the happiness. One thing that my daughter and I do almost weekly, is write a lil note. And place it into a helium balloon to send to heaven. The first time we did this my 8 yr old watching her balloon slowly rise higher, and higher said to me, " MOM did you see that?" I asked her what she saw and she said "grandma caught it!" Just as it was disappearing into the clouds. Moments like these are a treasure, and a reason to smile through the pain.
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