I lost my Mom in August 2009, unexpectedly. She was only 54, and left so many that loved her, behind. She was admitted to the hospital because she collapsed at work, and I went to go see her 250 miles away. Thank goodness I did. I had spent a week there, and the doctors and nurses said she was going to be released, so I was going to come back home and get my kids, and come back to take care of her at home, until she was ready to go back to work. I came home on a Saturday and 20 minutes after I pulled into my driveway, I got a phone call from family that she passed away, and they tried to rasusitate and it was unsuccessful. I'm still in shock. In general she was in good health. I look back and get down on myself for all the things I didn't do with her, and ways I could have done better. I just keep on getting more depressed and sad...Just wondering if this is normal. Her death did not start becoming reality, until there has been some major things in my life going on. I always just want to pick up the phone and call her, and realize...I can't. Why is it that it is more real now, then when she passed? Maybe because nothing was planned? We had to plan and get things taken care of, because she had not prepared for dying. I guess it was just survival mode. I'm so sad, I want it to get better, but at this time, I'm not knowing what to do.