Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by N.-Renée on July 16, 2010 at 1:42pm

Hi there, my father passed away 3 years ago. My oldest son was 4 years old. I have to say that that he was completely traumatized by his passing and everything else that had to do with it. For a while, he cried and had nightmares of his family leaving him, and so on. All we could do is explain that his grandfather is in the heavens and that although you cannot see him, HE can hear you. We forced him to start talking, asking questions and more importantly to listen to him when he expressed his feelings. Sure enough, gradually, the nightmares stopped, he was able to talk about my dad without crying and now seems to understand that death is a natural process. I hope this help you a little!

Permalink Reply by Judy on July 16, 2010 at 1:51pm

I think he might be a tiny bit afraid that he might lose you. Just tell him how much you love him, and that Grandma, although is not physically here anymore, she lives inside of us, and will love us always. It's very hard right now, but eventually he'll accept. My Dad died 10 years ago, when my niece was 4. She was with me on my lap at the memorial service, and I took both kids with me to the cemetary, and explained although that's where he is physically, he's watching over us. Today we talk about him all the time. I lost my Mom in January and the kids were at her hospital bed the day she died. I took it very hard, as she was my Mom, and I was also her caregiver. The kids were heaven sent, and this time helped me deal with that severe loss.

My heart and prayers go to both of you.

Permalink Reply by kathy on July 16, 2010 at 2:09pm

*** g92 7/22 p. 7 Easing the Burdens of Death ***
What Shall We Tell the Children?
Tell them the truth, according to the level of their understanding. Speak of death and dying as such, and avoid ambiguous terms. If you say, “Grandpa is gone” or, “We lost Grandpa,” the child may expect Grandpa to return or to be “found.” Help the child understand the reality of death, and answer questions Scripturally. A child can be introduced to death through nature. You might explain the death of animals, birds, or bugs. Be patient, and correct wrong thoughts a child may have obtained from movies or TV. Completely shielding children from death may produce anger or fear of the unknown.
A young child may feel responsible for the death, particularly if he had angry feelings toward the one who died. Help the child to understand that he is not at fault, so as to avoid feelings of guilt.
Fear of abandonment is very real to children who have lost a parent. Calm them as much as possible, and let them know that they will be loved and cared for. A child may also feel angry. If told that God took his parent, he may feel hatred for God. Knowing Bible truth helps in these matters. Reassure the child, and give him love and support.

Permalink Reply by kathy on July 16, 2010 at 2:21pm

I enjoyed this tract it opened my eyes about death i have no more fear of death. Use your bible to read sited scriptures.
What Hope for Dead Loved Ones?
“If a man die, shall he live again?” asked the man Job long ago. (Job 14:14, King James Version) Perhaps you, too, have wondered about this. How would you feel if you knew that a reunion with your loved ones was possible right here on earth under the best of conditions? Well, the Bible makes the promise: “Your dead ones will live. . . . They will rise up.” And the Bible also says: “The righteous themselves will possess the earth, and they will reside forever upon it.”—Isaiah 26:19; Psalm 37:29. To have real confidence in such promises, we need to answer some basic questions: Why do people die? Where are the dead? And how can we be sure they can live again?
Death, and What Happens When We Die
The Bible makes it clear that God did not originally intend for humans to die. He created the first human pair Adam and Eve, placed them in an earthly paradise called Eden, and instructed them to have children and extend their Paradise home earth wide. They would die only if they disobeyed his instructions.—Genesis 1:28; 2:15-17. Lacking appreciation for God’s kindness, Adam and Eve did disobey and were made to pay the prescribed penalty. “You [will] return to the ground,” God told Adam, “for out of it you were taken. For dust you are and to dust you will return.” (Genesis 3:19) Before his creation Adam did not exist; he was dust. And for his disobedience, or sin, Adam was sentenced to return to dust, to a state of nonexistence. Death is thus an absence of life. The Bible draws the contrast: “The wages sin pays is death, but the gift God gives is everlasting life.” (Romans 6:23) Showing that death is a state of total unconsciousness, the Bible says: “For the living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all.” (Ecclesiastes 9:5) When a person dies, the Bible explains: “His spirit goes out, he goes back to his ground; in that day his thoughts do perish.”—Psalm 146:3, 4.
However, since only Adam and Eve disobeyed that command in Eden, why do we all die? It is because all of us were born after Adam’s disobedience, and so we all inherited sin and death from him. As the Bible explains: “Through one man [Adam] sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men.”—Romans 5:12; Job 14:4.
Yet someone may ask: ‘Don’t humans have an immortal soul that survives death?’ Many have taught this, even saying that death is a doorway to another life. But that idea does not come from the Bible. Rather, God’s Word teaches that you are a soul, that your soul is really you, with all your physical and mental qualities. (Genesis 2:7; Jeremiah 2:34; Proverbs 2:10) Also, the Bible says: “The soul that is sinning—it itself will die.” (Ezekiel 18:4) Nowhere does the Bible teach that man has an immortal soul that survives the death of the body.
How Humans Can Live Again
After sin and death entered the world, God revealed that it was his purpose that the dead be restored to life by means of a resurrection. Thus the Bible explains: “Abraham . . . reckoned that God was able to raise [his son Isaac] up even from the dead.” (Hebrews 11:17-19) Abraham’s confidence was not misplaced, for the Bible says of the Almighty: “He is a God, not of the dead, but of the living, for they are all living to him.”—Luke 20:37, 38.
Yes, Almighty God has not only the power but also the desire to resurrect persons whom he chooses. Jesus Christ himself said: “Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out.”—John 5:28, 29; Acts 24:15.
Not long after saying this, Jesus met a funeral procession coming out of the Israelite city of Nain. The dead young man was the only child of a widow. On seeing her extreme grief, Jesus was moved with pity. So, addressing the corpse, he commanded: “Young man, I say to you, Get up!” And the man sat up, and Jesus gave him to his mother.—Luke 7:11-17.
As in the case of that widow, there was also great ecstasy when Jesus visited the home of Jairus, a presiding officer of the Jewish synagogue. His 12-year-old daughter had died. But when Jesus arrived at Jairus’ home, he went over to the dead child and said: “Girl, get up!” And she did!—Luke 8:40-56.
Later, Jesus’ friend Lazarus died. When Jesus arrived at his home, Lazarus had been dead for four days. Although deeply grieved, his sister Martha expressed hope, saying: “I know he will rise in the resurrection on the last day.” But Jesus went to the tomb, ordered the stone to be removed, and called: “Lazarus, come on out!” And he did!—John 11:11-44.
Now think about this: What was Lazarus’ condition during those four days he was dead? Lazarus did not say anything about being in a heaven of bliss or a hell of torment, which surely he would have done if he had been there. No, Lazarus was completely unconscious in death and would have remained so until “the resurrection on the last day” if Jesus had not then restored him to life.
It is true that these miracles of Jesus were of only temporary benefit, since those that he resurrected died again. However, he gave proof 1,900 years ago that, with God’s power, the dead really can live again! So by his miracles Jesus showed on a small scale what will take place on earth under the Kingdom of God.
When a Loved One Dies
When the enemy death strikes, your grief can be great, even though you may hope in the resurrection. Abraham had faith his wife would live again, yet we read that “Abraham came in to bewail Sarah and to weep over her.” (Genesis 23:2) And what about Jesus? When Lazarus died, he “groaned in the spirit and became troubled,” and shortly afterward he “gave way to tears.” (John 11:33, 35) So, when someone you love dies, it does not show weakness to cry.
When a child dies, it is particularly hard for the mother. Thus the Bible acknowledges the bitter grief that a mother can feel. (2 Kings 4:27) Of course, it is difficult for the bereaved father as well. “O that I might have died, I myself, instead of you,” lamented King David when his son Absalom died.—2 Samuel 18:33.
Yet, because you have confidence in the resurrection, your sorrow will not be unrelenting. As the Bible says, you will “not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13) Rather, you will draw close to God in prayer, and the Bible promises that “he himself will sustain you.”—Psalm 55:22.
Unless otherwise indicated, all Bible quotations are from the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures.

Permalink Reply by MissingMyMom on July 16, 2010 at 7:13pm

Thank u for all of the suggestions. I keep telling my son that Grandma is in Heaven and that she is always watching down on us. It just really breaks my heart that a 4yr old has anxiety about dying-i can completely relate to him tho because its scares me to! I'm really hoping he stops stressing and crying about it...but I understand that he to has to grieve

Permalink Reply by Dawn Price on July 19, 2010 at 6:13pm

Missing My Mom,

My daughter was about the same age as your son when my mother passed away. To help with the stress, I got on line and ordered some books about dying. There is a great children's book by Maria Shriver titled What Is Heaven? I don't know your religious beliefs, but talking with you pastor may help also. I just kept reminding my daughter that grandma was in heaven and even though we couldn't see her she was still in our hearts everyday. I talked to her about how the leaves die in the fall and then in the Spring new ones come, but in order for the new ones to bloom the old leaves must to die. Maybe remind him that you have no plans of him dying anytime soon. Perhaps, reassuring him that he is not dying will help.

Permalink Reply by MissingMyMom on July 19, 2010 at 6:37pm

Thank u Dawn I will def look into that book. Its just such a hard time and its tough for me to always be strong for him when I am missing my mom more than anything-i just feel like she was way to young to die and I'm too young to have lost my mom. She's the one who always had the answers for me to tell me son so I'm just kind of lost right now. Thanks for the advice :)

Permalink Reply by Bobbi on July 19, 2010 at 8:25pm

Dear Friend: What a sad situation but not all that unusual when a small child is in the situation your son was in those months at the hospital. Do you have a clergy person who can talk with your son. If not, you may want to consider making an appointment with a good child psychologist/therapist to work with your son. This may sound a bit much but it sounds like it may help your boy. You may want to consider, also, that you may unknowingly be passing your fear on to your son. Perhaps you can find someone who is willing to see both you and your son. Sometimes you maybe able to see the therapist together and sometimes alone. This would be up to you and the therapist. As a Christian, I have the strong faith that God will help you concerning the fear for dying. His Son Jesus died on Calvary and spilled His own sinless blood so that we may have a way to cleanse ourselves from our sins. IF you would like, I have established an email address especially to talk to people such as yourself. BobbiSuePerson@rocketmail.com ....God bless you and your little boy. He sounds like a very sensitive child.... *Bobbi