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I loss my parents in less than two months of one another
This is the first time I've ever done anything like this, but I'm having a hard time getting over the loss of my parents. I am over 30 years old and for the first time in my life I don't have a mother and father. My family was very close. My family was truly an all American family. There were three boys and one girl. My brothers and their families do not live in our hometown. My sister got married and moved about a hour and half away with her husband. However, my sister moved back home to help care for my parents when both became ill. I stayed with my parents throughout their illnesses.
My story starts about two in a half years ago. My father who was well over 90 years old became ill. His health begin to decline and me, my sister and my mom all began caring for him. It was a difficult illness for all us, but we were still thankful to have him around and considered ourselves blessed that he was still with us even though he was well over 90 years old. My mother took the lead as primary caregiver. She took care of him both day and night. My family was very private and my dad only wanted to see family. We honored his wishes and never spent a day in a nursing home. As his illness progressed we bought in Hospice for the final month of his sickness, but we still provided most of his care. Last summer (2009) my sister and I noticed that mom who was always strong started to become ill herself. She said she was tired and the doctor's visits didn't uncover any conditions. We just thought she was sad and feeling bad because of our father's situation. However, she became sicker and sicker but she still was trying to care for our father. In fact one day while trying to help Dad both of them fell. After that we told them we had no choice but to hire a nurse for dad. Both protested because they wanted their privacy, but they wanted to stay at home. So by day, I worked as a lawyer and by night I worked as a nurse for my dad.
My mother continued to complain, she lost her appettite and got sicker and sicker. Again, all types of test were ran and her physicians could find any serious conditions. She kept on caring for dad, cooking and being the best wife and mother anyone could ever ask for. After a two year illness my father in late fall 09 went home to be with God. I had just been in the room to tell him I was bringing him breakfast. I went out to get the food and when I returned he was no longer breathing. I am so glad I stayed at home that day. My mother was in the den ill herself and Hospice had not arrived. We all said bye to Daddy and put all of our attention on mom. Three days after my father's funeral we rushed mom to the hospital and that is when the doctors finally found out was wrong with her. She died less than two months after daddy. Me, my sister, my aunt, and my two brothers all took leave from work and stayed at the home with mom for her final weeks on this earth. As a type this I cry because it was difficult watching both of my parents sick at the same time and loosing them so close together. I felt like death came to my house and wouldn't leave. I miss my mom and dad so much. My other sibilings all are married and I know they miss them too, but mom and dad were all I had. I'm a very private person and I don't like sharing my emotions. This website is the only time I have talked to anyone. I go to church every Sunday, I still pray and I am grateful to God for the wonderful life he's given me, but almost every night I cry myself to sleep. No one knows how deep my pain runs because I don't want them too. I hope that someone can read this and say something to help ease this pain. Sometimes I just can't beleive last year this time my family was all alive. Now both my mom and dad are gone. I deeply mourn the loss of my parents. Please help!!!
My story starts about two in a half years ago. My father who was well over 90 years old became ill. His health begin to decline and me, my sister and my mom all began caring for him. It was a difficult illness for all us, but we were still thankful to have him around and considered ourselves blessed that he was still with us even though he was well over 90 years old. My mother took the lead as primary caregiver. She took care of him both day and night. My family was very private and my dad only wanted to see family. We honored his wishes and never spent a day in a nursing home. As his illness progressed we bought in Hospice for the final month of his sickness, but we still provided most of his care. Last summer (2009) my sister and I noticed that mom who was always strong started to become ill herself. She said she was tired and the doctor's visits didn't uncover any conditions. We just thought she was sad and feeling bad because of our father's situation. However, she became sicker and sicker but she still was trying to care for our father. In fact one day while trying to help Dad both of them fell. After that we told them we had no choice but to hire a nurse for dad. Both protested because they wanted their privacy, but they wanted to stay at home. So by day, I worked as a lawyer and by night I worked as a nurse for my dad.
My mother continued to complain, she lost her appettite and got sicker and sicker. Again, all types of test were ran and her physicians could find any serious conditions. She kept on caring for dad, cooking and being the best wife and mother anyone could ever ask for. After a two year illness my father in late fall 09 went home to be with God. I had just been in the room to tell him I was bringing him breakfast. I went out to get the food and when I returned he was no longer breathing. I am so glad I stayed at home that day. My mother was in the den ill herself and Hospice had not arrived. We all said bye to Daddy and put all of our attention on mom. Three days after my father's funeral we rushed mom to the hospital and that is when the doctors finally found out was wrong with her. She died less than two months after daddy. Me, my sister, my aunt, and my two brothers all took leave from work and stayed at the home with mom for her final weeks on this earth. As a type this I cry because it was difficult watching both of my parents sick at the same time and loosing them so close together. I felt like death came to my house and wouldn't leave. I miss my mom and dad so much. My other sibilings all are married and I know they miss them too, but mom and dad were all I had. I'm a very private person and I don't like sharing my emotions. This website is the only time I have talked to anyone. I go to church every Sunday, I still pray and I am grateful to God for the wonderful life he's given me, but almost every night I cry myself to sleep. No one knows how deep my pain runs because I don't want them too. I hope that someone can read this and say something to help ease this pain. Sometimes I just can't beleive last year this time my family was all alive. Now both my mom and dad are gone. I deeply mourn the loss of my parents. Please help!!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by MissingMyMom on
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Hey I can't imagine what its like to lose both parents so close but I do know how hard it is to lose a mother. My mother was my best friend and I was there w her every day at the hospital up until 4hrs before she died so I know how tough it can be. My best advice is to be thankful that your parents go to live a full life and taught you everything you know. From what it sounds like your parents raised you and your siblings to be very caring indivuduals and they probably were so proud of you and grateful to you for being there for them in their time of need. Try to remember all the great times you had with them and talk to them as much as possible. If they know how badly you are hurting I'm sure they are sending you strength you never knew you had. Its a tough road but I have a good feeling you will be ok since you are making the first step in reaching out to people to help. If you ever need anything I'm always here to listen-good luck :)
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Permalink Reply by kathy on
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I would like to express my sincere condolence at the loss of your parents. May the tender mercy that God has always shown be with you now so you will know that you are not alone and may the prayers of others help in some small way to bring you strength, comfort and courage each day . Many words will be expressed, yet we know God can and will express and provide to you everything that is needed to care and sustain your heart at this sad time. Isaiah 41:10,13.
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Permalink Reply by Claire on
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Dear William,
I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. It is difficult enough to lose 1 parent but to lose both, makes it that much harder to cope with. None of us should have to experience the pain & sorrow of losing a loved one but unfortunately it is a reality we must face. Reading your post told me a few things about you, you are a very caring person, a good son, brother, and you really care about your family. Your parents were very blessed to have a good soon who cared for them until the end, as you were for having them as long as you did. God doesn't forget those who care for their parents, he will bless you for that. The good part is you haven't lost your faith in God, many people do when they go through situations like these, but this a time when you need him the most. Our loving God offers to help us in our grieving process. Psalms 34:18 says; "Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart". And 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 says; "The father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our tribulation". Always know you can count on him and tell him all of your feelings.
You won't have to have this pain forever. Notice the wonderful promise found in John 5:28&29;"Do not marvel at this because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out." In the near future, God promises that he will bring back to life here on earth those we have lost in death. You, your brothers and sister can be reunited with your mother & father again. And you can have the certainty that you will never experience this pain & suffering again as Revelation 21:4 says; "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes and death will be no more, neither will mourning, nor outcry, nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away."
I hope you can find comfort and hope in these scriptures and may you be given the strength to continue to cppe with your loss.
My sincere condolences.
Claire -
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Permalink Reply by allison on
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I'm so sorry for you loss I can't imagine losing both parents so close together. I lost my Mother a year and 1/2 ago she was my best friend and I can't stop my heart from hurting. Your family sounds very much like mine (a good one) and like you I am the only one without a partner and spent everyday with my Mom either doing stuff or if we wern't together we were on the phone. She was the only one who ever cared to hear everything I had to say about nothing at all. I miss the sound of her voice, her laugh, everything. I am crying so hard right now its still a very fresh wound I haven't been myself since she left me and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be normal again. Like you my pain is deeper than anyone will ever know and I cry when I'm alone behind closed doors and thoughts of suicide even crossed my mind at times. I feel like I don't know how to be anything but my Moms daughter. I am totally lost without her while the rest of the family seems to keep moving on I am stuck and don't know what to do. I 'm sorry to give you such a sob story my intentions were to help you feel better somehow so hopefully you can fine peace in the fact that I feel your pain and I understand what you're going through and most of all I'm so very sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers tonight.God bless!
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Permalink Reply by Suzanne on
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I lost both my parents within two weeks of each other this past April. They also lived with me and I was their primary caregiver. My siblings also live out of town and have families of their own. I understand your sense of loss and the hole in your life. I finally came to realize that I could best honor their memories by living my life in a way that would make them proud. It isn't easy, but I am working on it. Ran across a quote by Joan Baez the other day - "Action is the antidote to despair" - and I am trying to take it to heart...
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Permalink Reply by Tonya on
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Hey William I can sympathized with you, I also lost both parents within 5 months of each other. My Dad died July 26,2009 and my mom died from stress Jan 5,2010 they were married for 32yrs and together since they were 14, my pain is almost unbearable. Im so sorry for your loss I wish with all my heart someone can comfort you I pray that god eases your pain my friend.
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