I need some support please! I lost my godfather in January who was as close to me as my biological parents. He died very painfully of a brain tumor and the vibrant, confident and supportive man he once was was shadowed by a tumor that made him angry and confused up until the very end. My boyfriend was in Seattle when my godfather died and refused to come back for the funeral. Ever since then I have felt isolated from him with this issue and grief is running my life and ending our relationship. He has never experienced close personal loss and is not allowing me to be angry without making me feel guilty. He always takes my anger extremely personally and won't let any of my breakdown situations go. He also isn't the type to give strong emotional support so I asked him to be there for me and he didn't understand what I needed.
The other night he was staying at a friend's house because he doesn't have a car and public transportation would take a long time for him to get home and I asked him to come back because my godfather has been appearing to family members (walking up stairs, they're seeing shadows in the hallways etc) and I was scared and didn't want to be alone. He refused. Now I feel like it was the funeral all over again, that he doesn't understand how absolutely necessary it is that he is there for me unconditionally through this. We have been together for two years and have lived together for almost the entire time but I we have been discussing a breakup because I don't feel like I can feel anything around him anymore. I love him and I don't want this to happen but I don't know how to deal with the fact that he doesn't understand what I'm going through.
I need support from people who understand what loss I'm feeling right now. My biological father came out as transgendered two years ago and I have no strong male presence in my life anymore. My godfather was my one and only go to guy when it came to my feelings of fear and pain up until he couldn't remember who he was anymore. It's a terrible thing to see the one man who knew everything become a man who knows nothing before he dies and it really shook me up. I feel like I don't have ground to stand on right now. I'm very angry, frustrated and upset and have been since his death. I go to therapy, I just need someone to tell me they know what it feels like and it's going to be okay :(. Any ideas on what to tell my boyfriend to help him understand how to deal with me would be great too!