Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by MissingMyMom on October 28, 2010 at 6:09pm

I know exactly what u mean-i count the months that my mom has been gone as if when I get to a certain month she will return which obviously isn't going to happen. But even as hard as I try not to count the days weeks and months I just continually do it.

Permalink Reply by Francis Valente III on October 28, 2010 at 7:13pm

Hi--- Missing my Mom! My Mom passed Sept 12, 2010 as I told you and I count the weeks rather than the days! It has been tough indeed! I printed out a picture of Mom I had in the computer and started weeping again! It was heart wrenching but it does seem to offer me a bit of relief! To be honest it has gotten a smigen better. Maybe it is only just less AWFUL! :(

Contrary to you--my Mom passing seems a lot longer ago than it was. maybe the emotional stress and shock affected me differently than you? Whatever-- I still sometimes feel she is "Just away somewhere" often. I guess it helps me process the grief! All I can say is hang in there and have nice pictures of her around! It does help me!

I do indeed dread the 'Holidays" coming up. I really dont know how to handle them but I hope to enjoy them like my Mom would have wanted me too!

God Bless!
Frank.

Permalink Reply by Ardis on October 28, 2010 at 10:05pm

It is very tough to lose your parents ... no matter what age they are. My mom passed suddenly of heart complications on May 4, 2003 and 3 months later my dad found out he had prostate cancer and bone cancer and fought that un, til December 16, 2008. I had a very difficult time when my mom passed as we were not able to say good-bye to her like we did our dad. To this day I wonder why she didn't say anything if she didn't feel good, but that morning she was laughing and talking up a storm. But we know they are not suffering or in any pain anymore.

After my mom's passing, I went to a support group in my church and it was very helpful as I wasn't the only one going thru an emotional roller-coaster at that time. It was great to listen to others talk about their loss.

There are times that I sense that my mom and dad are in my house. I can smell their scent. This makes me feel good that they come to check on me once in a while. I know they are looking after me and my family and making sure we are safe. There are so many signs that I have seen knowing that it is them watching over us. My daughter and her 3 girls were on there way to my house (Washington state to Minnesota) and her oldest daughter had a shadow of a heart (a perfect heart) on her arm and there was nothing on the window or anywhere that could have made that most perfect heart. She took a picture of it and showed me when they arrived our house. I told her that was a sign that great-grandma and great-grandpa were telling you they love you, miss you and are watching over you to make sure that you arrive your desintation safely. They gave me this goofy look, but I told them it was true. I have seen clouds that looked life 2 beautiful white birds with angel wings and said it was my mom and dad watching over me on my way to work to make sure I got there safe. Even on our ride back to Washington state with my daughter, I saw two birds and told my daughter it was my mom and dad making sure we got to their house safely which we did. It is so awesome to experience this.

So please take time for yourself and join a support group for as long as you feel you need to. Look for different signs. Talk to your mom or dad everyday. Look at their pictures and remember all the great times you had with them. Life is so precious ... take it a day at a time. It will get better.

Permalink Reply by Ardis on October 28, 2010 at 10:05pm

It is very tough to lose your parents ... no matter what age they are. My mom passed suddenly of heart complications on May 4, 2003 and 3 months later my dad found out he had prostate cancer and bone cancer and fought that un, til December 16, 2008. I had a very difficult time when my mom passed as we were not able to say good-bye to her like we did our dad. To this day I wonder why she didn't say anything if she didn't feel good, but that morning she was laughing and talking up a storm. But we know they are not suffering or in any pain anymore.

After my mom's passing, I went to a support group in my church and it was very helpful as I wasn't the only one going thru an emotional roller-coaster at that time. It was great to listen to others talk about their loss.

There are times that I sense that my mom and dad are in my house. I can smell their scent. This makes me feel good that they come to check on me once in a while. I know they are looking after me and my family and making sure we are safe. There are so many signs that I have seen knowing that it is them watching over us. My daughter and her 3 girls were on there way to my house (Washington state to Minnesota) and her oldest daughter had a shadow of a heart (a perfect heart) on her arm and there was nothing on the window or anywhere that could have made that most perfect heart. She took a picture of it and showed me when they arrived our house. I told her that was a sign that great-grandma and great-grandpa were telling you they love you, miss you and are watching over you to make sure that you arrive your desintation safely. They gave me this goofy look, but I told them it was true. I have seen clouds that looked life 2 beautiful white birds with angel wings and said it was my mom and dad watching over me on my way to work to make sure I got there safe. Even on our ride back to Washington state with my daughter, I saw two birds and told my daughter it was my mom and dad making sure we got to their house safely which we did. It is so awesome to experience this.

So please take time for yourself and join a support group for as long as you feel you need to. Look for different signs. Talk to your mom or dad everyday. Look at their pictures and remember all the great times you had with them. Life is so precious ... take it a day at a time. It will get better.

Permalink Reply by Dottie's Daughter on October 29, 2010 at 12:45am

Thanks to all who wrote....I do appreciate your thoughts. Maybe I'm not going crazy. I am and have been taking each day for what it is. Most are sad days but occasionally I realize at the end of some days that it was actually an okay day and I got through it somehow. I still miss my Mom like day one and I know its only been "30" short days or long days however you want to look at it.... But sometimes I swear it feels like my Mom is still alive. I wonder when that feeling will change or if it will. It really does feel like that! Like when I get ready in the morning and then realize I can't spend the day with her or that I can't call her ever again. It always feels like I should just pick up the phone and call her or drive over to see her then I remember I can't and she is gone forever. Very weird and sad feelings that I just can't shake yet. I just miss her so so so much! I wish she was alive and this was just a bad dream!! Miss you Mom!
Hugs to all and Thanks for the thoughts....

(I've changed my name from "MissingmyMom" to "Dottie's Daughter" as I realized after I joined this site someone else had that name. Sorry..hope I didn't offend...it appears we both feel the same way:)

Permalink Reply by jessi baty on October 29, 2010 at 2:10am

OMG!!! I thought that I was the only one who did this...my daddy died July 30, 2010...Sat. will be 3 months!! 3 months!!!! Saying that feels like I am saying 300 years...I hate every Fri., since it was a Friday when he died, and I hate 4:10 p.m. since it was that time he was pronounced dead, I hate Tuesdays, the day we buried him. I hate Dollar General since that is where he was when the anuerysm in his brain ruptured and he collapsed...to be honest, I hate just about everything since my daddy died. To make things worse, my mom has already gotten rid of most all his things, she is having a big garage sale all this weekend. I could go on and on about all the heartbreaking things surrounding my daddy's dying, but I would like to end this with the thing that brings me warmth and assurance...his memory, our memories we made before he died....my daddy was always there for me, even when I was off doing all the things I was NOT raised to do, he loved me the most when I didn't love myself, he believed in me when I didn't believe in myself...I LOVE AND MISS HIM MORE THAN I COULD EVER PUT INTO WORDS...God bless all of you who share my grief and know my pain...

Permalink Reply by jessi baty on October 29, 2010 at 2:10am

OMG!!! I thought that I was the only one who did this...my daddy died July 30, 2010...Sat. will be 3 months!! 3 months!!!! Saying that feels like I am saying 300 years...I hate every Fri., since it was a Friday when he died, and I hate 4:10 p.m. since it was that time he was pronounced dead, I hate Tuesdays, the day we buried him. I hate Dollar General since that is where he was when the anuerysm in his brain ruptured and he collapsed...to be honest, I hate just about everything since my daddy died. To make things worse, my mom has already gotten rid of most all his things, she is having a big garage sale all this weekend. I could go on and on about all the heartbreaking things surrounding my daddy's dying, but I would like to end this with the thing that brings me warmth and assurance...his memory, our memories we made before he died....my daddy was always there for me, even when I was off doing all the things I was NOT raised to do, he loved me the most when I didn't love myself, he believed in me when I didn't believe in myself...I LOVE AND MISS HIM MORE THAN I COULD EVER PUT INTO WORDS...God bless all of you who share my grief and know my pain...

Permalink Reply by Dottie's Daughter on October 29, 2010 at 10:31am

Jessi....Wow..I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who does this. I didn't add that every single morning I look at the clock at exactly 7:50am which is when Mom took her last breath. Every single morning! I can't stop it. I don't really think of the day of the week for some reason but I do always think of the time. You mentioned a store your Dad was in. I have a hard time when I go anywhere that I've taken my Mom like I've mentioned before. Places like the Dollar Store she loved or Target...anywhere I took her. Can see her in the scooter we bought her cruising around looking at stuff. Sometimes I would get impatient with her taking so long and telling her she was driving me nuts and she'd laugh and say just hold your horses. Makes me smile & cry thinking of that. I remember saying to myself at the time she won't be here forever...be patient but now it makes me sad I was trying to hurry her up sometimes. I should have enjoyed my times with her more. Now everytime I walk into a store where I've taken her (which we went everywhere together) it just brings it all back. Sometimes I end up in tears other times I keep going and smile to myself. Lots of times I'd meet her at her favorite grocery store and she always parked her car in the same spot so I always looked to see if she got there before me. I'd always help her with the groceries or loading the car or we'd get the freshest veggies or whatever. She could walk but not too far. Its hard to even drive by these places right now. It just makes me miss her even more and realize what I've lost. I either laugh or cry or both. Maybe it will be easier months from now but for now I am having a hard time with some of the places when I need a few groceries for example. Just so many memories and so many times we did everything together. But its nice to know I'm not alone with my feelings. Thank you for sharing