Any day now.

It seems like just yesterday I had to break the news to my dad that he was going to be a grandpa. Like any father of a teenage girl, he was disappointed at first, but gradually grew comfortable and even excited about being a grandpa!

This being his first grandchild, he would tell me about how he had dreams of him and my baby playing in the yard together, taking walks along the river side, and teaching him everything from riding a bike to swimming, just as my brother and I were taught.

Naturally, being a teenage mom, the father of the baby did leave us. But my dad was right there to step up and help me out in every possible way he could. He gave me a place to stay (I was living on my own for a long time) kept me fed (my job paid very little, just enough to cover the gas to get there, basically!) and showed me the love and support I so desperately needed.

It was May 17th, 2010. My grandma was in town to help take care of my dad. Dad had been struck with multiple illnesses such as diaphragmatic hernia, pulmonary edema, systematic scleraderma, and it just seemed that he wasn't getting better. He was in and out of the ER and ICU every other week. Then sent out of state for a heart transplant that the hospital deemed him "too healthy to receive"- how wrong they were...

It was a typical Monday morning. I called my dad to tell him I was going to come over and hang out for a bit. He said "Okay sounds good!" and my very last words to him were "Alright, I'll see ya later then!"

Morning sickness fell in so I laid down for a little while. I was woken up by my grandma calling me saying "The ambulance is here, they're taking your dad down to the hospital now. I'll call (step mom) and have her pick me up, and we'll meet you down there". Having been down this road so many times, I figured it would be just another hospital run. He would get hooked up to IVs, given the meds he needed to drain his lungs of the fluids, spend a night or two to be observed, and come home.

I started to get out of bed. Made some lunch, went to get dressed, and my phone started ringing. It was my dad on the caller ID. "Strange" I thought. "He shouldn't be calling me right now"

It was my step mom

"Your dad has passed away"

I froze. Silence.

I hung up and called my little brother to tell him.

I couldn't.

He kept yelling at me "What are you calling for? Hello? Hello?!"

"Dad passed away...."

He freaked out.

Those last words I told him? "I'll see ya later!"

That last time I saw him, he was lifeless in a hospital bed.

That horrible day plays in my head like a broken record.

And any day now, I'll be bringing my own new life in to this world.

I wish my dad was here to see it.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by nicholas on October 19, 2010 at 3:44pm

I'm sure your dad knows you loved him very much. The great thing about our partents is how they live on in us. As we get old we see their habbits in us. The way they talk or the foods they like. He may be gone, but he lives on through you, and someday, through your child. I'm sure that thought would bring great joy to your father.

Permalink Reply by kathy on November 15, 2010 at 4:59am

Cali, i send my deepest sympathy in recognition of the loss of your dad so many times i read stories where there is so much hate with children and parents your story is one of love and a strong bond between you two. I was a teen when i gave birth and i'm thinking how said it would have been if my mother passed away, you see she was much like your dad and showed me the love and support I desperately needed.Your dad has left behind a thousand moments that will live in your heart forever as you share them with your child may it be a source of comfort. Cali, remember that "God is our refuge and strength" (Psalm 46:1). i am praying for you and your family.

Permalink Reply by Cali on November 15, 2010 at 10:53pm

Thank you. My daughter was indeed my little "Rae" of sunshine that my family needed after his passing. He is definitely looking after me.

kathy said:

Cali, i send my deepest sympathy in recognition of the loss of your dad so many times i read stories where there is so much hate with children and parents your story is one of love and a strong bond between you two. I was a teen when i gave birth and i'm thinking how said it would have been if my mother passed away, you see she was much like your dad and showed me the love and support I desperately needed.Your dad has left behind a thousand moments that will live in your heart forever as you share them with your child may it be a source of comfort. Cali, remember that "God is our refuge and strength" (Psalm 46:1). i am praying for you and your family.

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