Anyone else feel the same way or had a similar experience?

I lost my dad almost a year ago , I am trying so hard to get over it but I keep feeling such guilt and pain. I am lucky if I go a day without crying and the dreams are so unbearable. I keep dreaming it's my last day with him and everyone knows he's going to die but him. we just look at the clock praying it won't happen and then it does and I can't breath. This changed me in away I can't describe. in reality my dad was on life support for a week before my sisters and I along with other family members had to take him off. It was the hardest chioce I've made in my life and now I feel like I helped kill him. before He died I felt like a strong rooted in my faith christain woman and now I don't even recognize the person in the mirror anymore. it isn't that I blame God I don't , it's just that my pain overwhelms me so much and I feel like I can't feel anything else but that. also I feel like No one around me gets it. My family has down spiraled since than. and I am so busy trying to hold everyone together or make sure they are okay that I feel like if they saw how truly bad everything in my life is it would ruin their progress. Idk and my friends are great and supportive but none of them has lost a parent. I also keep thinking of all the things he is missing or we are not able to share with him. He has 4 daughters(and 1 son who is only eight) and wont be there to walk any of us down the aisle or see any grandchildren. My sister was crown homecoming queen at her university and he wasn't there. it's just sad. He had become such a great dad in the last few years of his life and I miss hearing his voice, he thought us girls hung the moon ya know. He always thought we could do or be anything and he meant it. Idk I guess I just need people to talk to that know the feeling.it's just so hard

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Permalink Reply by MissingMyMom on October 12, 2010 at 3:18pm

Hey its crazy that you had that kind of dream bc I had the same kind where we were all in my moms hospice room and we knew she was going to die again and I got so upset when I woke up. It was crazy! My mom has been gone almost 9months but for me it feels like she is still in rehab. I don't know if that's a good way to cope but its the oinly way I know how. Make sure you take time for yourself and work through your own emotions. Your family will understand I'm sure. Keep your head up and just keep thinking that your dad is always with you bc he wouldn't want you to think any differently :)

Permalink Reply by kathy on October 15, 2010 at 12:07pm

Casey,I have a dream like yours and, my mother has been gone 25 years, my mother was on life support too and i had to make the choice to let her go and it was not easy. She was suffering, and my love for her would not let me allow her to linger to a machine for my own selfishness. Once they pronounced her dead I looked at her she was at peace and was not suffering any more. You made a choice now he suffers no more that was the loving choice. Your pain will not easily disappear. As a christian you no doubt read soon God will actually swallow up death forever, and the Sovereign Lord will certainly wipe the tears from all faces; Isaiah 25:8 in fact the miracle of Lazarus' resurrection foreshadows only one of the many blessings we will enjoy under Christ's reign in the paradise promised in the Bible at Psalms 37:9-11 and John 5:28,29. As we await the outworking of all of God’s promises, I hope that you will find comfort in knowing that others are thinking about you.

Permalink Reply by nicholas on October 19, 2010 at 3:28pm

I wish i could say things get better, but i don't know. I just try to have faith in the resurrection and hope and pray that we will all be together again. It adds a little comfort. Give it a try. Please feel free to email me if you ever want to talk.

Permalink Reply by Casey s on October 20, 2010 at 1:34am

Thank you all for your comments. I am so sorry for each of your losses as well. we can only take it one day at a time! Praying for you all -casey

Permalink Reply by ChristmasCactus on October 27, 2010 at 9:07pm

When I read your post it felt like I was reading about myself. We took my Dad off of life support in March of 09 and there is still not a day that goes by that I don't cry, mourn, feel guilty...etc. He was only 54. I dream with him almost every night. I feel as if he's still around. I know how devastating it is to know that he won't be around for grandkids and all life has to offer. I was pregnant when he died and having my son, his grandson, is the glue keeping us all together. Even today I felt like talking to him about something and then realized he was gone. It is going to take a long time to fully comprehend and accept it..Have faith...we will all be reunited with our loved ones!

Permalink Reply by Mary J on November 10, 2010 at 9:12pm

I agree with the others we will all see our loved ones someday that is our hope. I know that isn't much comfort at first but the pain does get easier. I still miss my mom and it's been over a year now. I just keep those happy memories in my heart and that helps me. I went to a local support group and if you can find one do so. If not I'm glad they have this on here.

Permalink Reply by Casey s on January 7, 2011 at 3:24pm

Thanks for the support guys, I am actaully doing a lot better! I still miss dad which I know won't go away and cry sometimes when I see something that reminds me of him but other than that( and a nightmare here and there) I am moving forward and enjoying the family I have with me still.

Permalink Reply by Casey s on January 7, 2011 at 3:24pm