Being left feeling like an orphan cause I lost both of my parents.

I lost my dad in March of 2006 and I lost my mother March if 2010. They both died from COPD. I WAS 55 YEARS OLD. I was with them both when they took their last breath. I was also care giver for my sister at the time who also was terminal suffering from COPD. Four months after my mother died my sister died. Between losing both of my parents being caregiver for my sister, and then her dying I was a total wreck. I didn't even know who I was anymore. My life then wasn't as I knew it anymore. I was grieving for all 3 of them, I was in a caregiver burnout, I had no life, and with both my parents gone I felt I also lost my identity. After the 3 of them died I no longer felt I had any family anymore. I still had 3 younger sisters living but they for some reason starting backing away from me. The 3 of them remained close, but there were more times than not left me out of anything happening. They aren't or weren't mad at me about anything. They just became distant with me. So I also felt even more alone with no one there for me. I didn't think I could hurt anymore than I was then. Then 2 years later another younger sister died in her sleep from diabetis. That really drove me off the edge. When she died, I felt like we had unfinished things to say cause she had distant herself like my other sisters after the death of my parents. Now I have this nagging question of what had I done for her to distant herself from me. I hate this feeling of always wondering if she was mad at me, or if she loved me. I want so bad to be close with my sisters like I was before my parents died. I am still grieving everyday. I need my family and don't know what to do to get there anymore. A year before my dad died, I lost both of my grandparents who I was close with. 2 weeks before my mother died, my best friend and aunt died. I feel so alone. Can anyone help me?

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Permalink Reply by Keleigh Kilgore on October 16, 2015 at 1:08pm

I in some ways understand. I lost my parents 9 months apart last year at one point taking care of them both at the same time while working full time with 3 kids. It was hell on earth!! I was with them both arranged both of their funerals and took care of everything while my one sibling stole everything out of my parents house then tried to sue me. He showed up at both funerals drunk and never once lifted a finger to help with them. He worked just 10 min away and would even come and see them. Once it was all said and done, I also felt like an orphan. My grandparents are long gone, I have an aunt but she lives very far away.... I have basically been left alone at 36 with no more guidance. When I was no longer a daughter I felt like I had been cast off on a deserted island. I will say for me there is no hope for a relationship with my brother and that is b/c I closed that door. I do have my kids and my husband that I can focus on, but I suggest reaching out to your sisters. If you have not shut the door to those relationships write them a letter and tell them how you feel. But you can't hang on to the why's and what happened or you will drive yourself nuts concerning your sister who recently passed. My mother was so ugly to meweeks before she died. Maybe it was the cancer or just the worst of her personality coming out, and I blamed myself for not saving her for months and months, but there isn't anything I could have done and it's irrational to guilt and blame when what is done is done. You do still have a chance to connect with your other sisters though. Losing what small of a family I had made me realize more than I did before how important it is to hold your loved ones close.

Last week I scattered the rest of my parents ashes and boy that was tough. I was letting go b/c I still have so much life left i want to make new memories, but its hard to let go of the two most amazing ppl I ever knew! If you are up to it, grief counselling is a huge and has been a huge help for me.

Permalink Reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on October 17, 2015 at 7:21pm

I feel for you Dinese. I'm sorry I don't have any words of encouragement. I lost my only child, my just turned 30 yr old daughter Candace Rae Watson. Her and her husband were raising their 3 little girls, 8, 7 and 2. That was 2010. I'm better but I'll have that ache forever. I believe in God so I believe He saved her from something worse happening. I know we'll reunited.

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