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Familiarity
Its been 45 days since my Mother passed away and it still hurts like the first day. I wanted to share a story or two and see if anyone else is experiencing what is happening to me. So I'm walking out of a local Walmart where I went to pick up a few groceries, the same store Mom always shopped. As I'm walking out I notice a tiny elderly woman walking about 10 ft ahead of me by herself. The way she walked seemed so familiar like watching my dear Mother walking ahead of me. She was the same height & weight and carried herself the same way as Mom did. As she exited the door a gentlemen walked up to her and and took her elbow to assist her walking who I assumed must be her son or relative. He turned and looked at me and smiled for some reason probably because I was walking slowing behind her watching her. I couldn't help smiling at her. Just watching her made me ache for Mom. As I watched the two of them I realized he was assisting her to a van which was parked from an Assisted Living Facility. I stopped and watched him help her into the van which took a few minutes. Somehow I felt mesmerized watching her. I never saw her face just her back which seemed so familar to me. I couldn't move just stood there watching them. The gentleman who helped her stepped out of the van to help someone else get in and noticed me obviously watching all this. He came over to me and said Hi, I must have looked like I was in a trance or possibly he thought I was crazy. He asked me how my day was going to which I responded "the little lady you helped reminded me so much of my Mother who passed away recently." He said to me "would you like to volunteer at our facility?" I instantly started crying...feeling like a fool in front of him. He patted my shoulder and said if you have some clothing from your Mother we could make you a Teddy Bear. I couldn't respond or say anything. I just cried. I turned and started walking to my car sobbing all the way. I didn't say anything to him or respond in any way, I just walked away. I felt like such a fool. By the time I got to my car the van was gone. I wanted to apologize or at least say something to him. I can't believe I did this, this nice guy must have thought I was nuts and rude! I don't even know what facility he was from. But watching that elderly little woman brought me such joy but I know I can't volunteer with elderly people...right now. No way! The other thing that happened this week was I was coming out of a movie with my husband and right in front of me was a elderly woman using her walker. My Mom used a walker the last 3 months of her life and I swear this tiny little lady looked so familiar like I was watching Mom again. She had a little bag on her walker just like Mom had. Again I cried all the way to the car. I realized today I never saw their faces... only their backs walking away from me. I don't know why every tiny elderly woman reminds me of Mom. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I going nuts? I feel like everywhere I go I am looking for Mom in the crowd or I happen across someone who reminds me of her...perhaps her walk or her mannerisms or the hair. Its just weird. I don't know why I am doing this or how to stop it. Just seems to happen. Anyone else experiencing this???? Any thoughts???
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by DebNOhio on
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Hello Dottie's Daughter,
YES.... I see my Mom in other folks too, and my Dad. Mom passed in Feb of this year and
my Dad in November of 2009. It seems I SEE my Mom more in elderly women.
So many times I would like to walk up to them and say something, but I stop because I don't
want to creep them out saying.......'you remind me of my dead Mom'. I just think to myself
that seeing Mom in others is a blessing just private for ME. :)))
I'm sure that the driver KNEW you were too consumed with grief to respond. I highly doubt
that he thought you were being rude. Perhaps you will see that van again at the store and
you can see the name of the facility. Maybe then you could write a letter to them asking them
to share it with the driver. I can totally see your hesitation to volunteer just now.
My Dad was a greeter at WalMart. He did that for 14 years up until his stroke in the
Spring of 2009. Prior to WalMart he worked as a manager in the grocery business.
Whenever I am in a WalMart, I have to stop and pick up things that have been dropped or
knocked off the shelf --- I DO this because I KNOW my Dad would and he would WANT me to.
IF I start to pass something up that is on the ground, I can HEAR him nudge me to DO IT.
It's pretty funny in a way, but it helps me feel connected to him.
Your story was so uplifting of the kindness that fellow shared to you. Just hold that
thought from that day. It will then be a pleasant thought for you.
HUGS
Debra -
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Permalink Reply by kathy on
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I did the same thing i seen this woman that looked so much like my mom i broke out in tears right in front of her and this was a couple of years after her death no your not crazy its called grief and this will take some time. Your deep pain mayl not easily disappear,if you are a person that beleives in God i hope prayer to God will bring comfort to you as you grieve. The Bible assures us God "is healing the broken hearted ones, and is binding up their painful spot." Psalm 147:3 i hope you find comfort in your moms memories that are yours to cherish.
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Permalink Reply by Dottie's Daughter on
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Thank you both for the comments. I haven't been able to find the gentleman who spoke to me that day but I think I might try to go to the same store about the same time and perhaps this is a trip they make weekly for the people who live in this facility. The more I thought about his offer for a Teddy Bear from my Mother's clothing, the more I think I would like to have something like that. Hopefully I will run into him again and let him know how much I appreciated the moment he took for me. When I'm out & about now I seem to notice every elderly lady. Funny how I never noticed them before but I am trying to just accept that certain women remind me of Mom and just enjoy the moment. It still brings a smile to my face when I am in a grocery store or wherever and see someone who has the same walk or pushes the basket the way Mom did or squeezes the fruit looking for the right one like she did. I took my Mom shopping for her groceries every week for years and I can still see her wandering around the store just enjoying the outing. Took her 5 minutes to pick out that perfect veggie or whatever. I used to tease her all the time about how long it took her to find what she wanted. She would laugh at me and say someday I'll be gone and you'll miss me taking forever to shop driving you crazy. Boy was she ever right! But she knew I enjoyed our grocery outings when we were together so we always teased each other about it. So now when I see some little ole lady (as she called them) which used to make me laugh because I'd say "you" are a little ole lady....I try to stop and remember Mom and smile. I miss her so much though and it is the hardest thing to do without her. I just miss her!!!!!
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