Hi everybody.

My mum and I were great friends. I was an only child (seems strange to say was), and so we went through thick and thin together. We travelled together, spoke often, and shared alot of what made both of our lives meaningful. She was also a riot, and I had some of my biggest laughs with my mum.

So needless to say, her feeling of illness, which quickly became very serious, landed on me like nothing I had ever felt before. I never felt sorrow well from inside of me from such a depth. 

For both our sakes, I was brave and there for her through the entire thing. But, it was just her and me, during and after, for alot of reasons that I don't need to relive.

Mum's 80th birthday would be this February 9th, and I'm already feeling the approach of the sadness returning. Like many of you, I find I have strange physical sensations, disturbing thoughts as I try to sleep, restless nights, and feelings of doom. And real feelings of emotional isolation from family. Sure, I received sympathetic emails, but not one card or phone call.  

Anyway, now I'm left to sort through the various extended family intrigues that I was protected from, and am alone to bear the grief too. 

This post is just my way of reaching out and sharing with anyone who may relate to this.

God bless, everyone.

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Replies to This Discussion

dads only blood i am sine ge died my lifs gon sor u cud say coz of multu loss 2  mums ilnes 2 me on s;f destrikt not lsf pity 

i wnt selff sestrukt u cud say i pikt wong paff coz of loss or 2 mush loss 

yea i scream it god nasty nams iv caed him/her i no swerin on hear but iv cled him her nsty nams i hav 

thes sits is only way i can vent so on no gets it tilt hy hav a loss h thy get it i huf i hug my dads fotto tell huim i luv why didu leav me am i so bad so u hav 2 leve me i dobut i hug it tell him i luv im i do

sorry if im rantn 2 mush or fding u so o im so so sorry 

sorry 4 yore ls loss 2 dnt wear my maners is i thn g iv lots it coz f loss poor esxzuse i no but im so sprry

sorru sorry i am 

typo eros my ad slin glass falin off so on 

i sodn lk a loon but i hug my dads fotto in fram i do tell him i luv him wish he wz still hear 2 put evry oj i do

I'm so very sorry your Mom has passed. Try and keep your mind occupied so you don't dwell on the loss. I have lost my Grandma, Mom, daughter and brother. I know I'll see them again because only the body perishes. The soul leaves the body and when we pass our loved ones will be there to greet us. I know my loved ones are fine but that doesn't help lessen my sadness. I want to hear their voice and see the twinkle in their eyes. I believe in a higher power I call God. Keep the F.A.I.T.H. Michael, that's my daughter's husband's name. They have three little girls. They were 8, 7 and 2 when Candace left on April 9, 2010. My Granddaughter's are being raised by their paternal Grandparents. Faith-Forsaking All I Trust Him! 

Hi Michael,

I was very moved by your post.  And I really feel for you, and can relate (at least somewhat), too.  I am also an only child, and I recently lost my mother in November (2015).  Like you, I was great friends with my mother - we did SO much together, talked on the phone almost every day, or wrote emails almost every day. We also went through major ups and downs together, holidayed together, were each other's theatre and museum companions, shared so many interests, in music, art, etc.  It's like losing my best friend and soul mate.  Noone in the world knew me, understood me, or loved me as much as my Mum.

I had a very tough year last year, losing first my Dad in April, then my Mum in November, so I'm still recovering from the impact of the horror and sadness at losing them both to severe illness in close proximity.

Being an only child does make it tougher - not having siblings to lean on, to talk with, to share the burden with.  I do have a very supportive husband and 2 teenage children, who are very sweet, so I do consider myself lucky in that respect - I don't feel entirely alone.  I also have cousins who I am quite close to, who I've been able to talk to almost like siblings - but still - it's not the same.  I also have a few good friends who have been marvelous in calling, visiting and helping.  But still - noone can really keep up the sympathy and help for that long, and you still end up feeling very alone.

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so alone and isolated.  I am slightly shocked that you didn't even receive any cards or phone calls from your family.   That is very sad.  I hope you are able to find grief counseling and grief support groups to attend?  I have signed up for a grief support group, starting next month, which I think will be good for me.  I also have a really nice bereavement counselor through the Hospice that my Mum was with.  I have found her very easy to talk to, and helpful.  I hope you can find some thing - some support, even if not within your family.

It's good that you've reached out and posted here in this group.  Writing about this horrible experience is therapeutic and healing.  And, you must know, you are not alone... I do hope you can feel that and know that you will be OK and get through this. 

I am sending good thoughts and virtual hugs - from one only child - an orphan now - to another.

God bless you too.

--Victoria.

Hi,

I'm so sorry for your loss and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

My name is Lori Sherry. My dad and I were great friends. I am the youngest of 3 kids. My dad had always been there for me. We traveled together. We spoke sometimes and I wish that we would've talked more. He shared what he needed to share.

My dad made me laugh and I don't know but, I had the biggest laughs with my dad. He was a lot of fun to be with.

My dad had been sick for awhile but, he did O.K. but, it was always serious. I was surprised when we got the call that he had passed away. I have felt sorrow well up inside me at times. I had the hardest time to keep myself from crying as I couldn't stand to see my dad like he was but, I was able to.

It was me, my mom, my dad and my brother as my oldest brother passed away. I was brave through the whole thing and even when I was sick yes, I was emotional but, I was brave.

My dad would've turned 68 in January and my mom's birthday is on May 12th and I am feeling the sadness returning.

I hear his favorite songs, and I have restless nights but, I feel positive but, I have had such a hard time. I have had feelings of emotional isolation from family and friends. I have received sympathetic emails through this group and I really appreciate it. I have received texts and we have received cards but, it stopped after awhile.

Anyway, even though I still have my mom and God I feel so alone sometimes.

If anybody wants to write to me, please do.

Take Care and God Bless,

Lori Sherry

You shouldn't say "was". You are still your mothers only child.  She is still your mother even though she isn't with you in life.  I am still someones daughter, even if Ill never call someone dad again. We don't have to lose our place in their lives just because they no longer LIVE in ours.

I will always be my fathers daughter. You will always be your mothers child.

Hi Laura,

I really like the way you expressed your feelings. You words are all good and very positive. I too thought that when I lost my son that I had a son. Then one day someone said, "He is still your son!"

Thanks for writing reinforcement for me. As well as sharing your thoughts and feelings for others that may come upon what you wrote.

Barbara

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