Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jennifer C. on September 13, 2011 at 5:45pm

Yes, I'll just speak for myself, but I can relate to the incredible stress of losing a parent. To compound my grief of my Dad's death in May, I'm continuing to clean up messes involved in my dad's estate, spending almost every weekend in a different city trying to get his home ready for sale. I can't even imagine what you must be going through, needing to deal with your father-in-law's health issues. You are very new to the grief process - be easy on yourself now. Personally, I tried to keep go-go-going with a high intensity job and a lot of commitments and ended up taking almost a month of leave in order to heal myself. Do whatever works for you. It helps to talk to others who have been through a similar situation (losing a parent or anyone who's lost someone they were close to). A good grief counselor also does a world of good. My heart goes out to you .... best wishes as you work through this.

Permalink Reply by Suzie on September 13, 2011 at 9:14pm

I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my dad June 26th after a long illness. My first six weeks or so, I was a total zombie!!! I cried every day, and although I don't have any anger, I do know it's one of the greiving steps.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve and find a healthy way to do it. A counsellor can really help, blogging your feelings, there are even several good books out there.

 

I think IMO your raging because your dad's gone, and your FIL is still alive, and your resenting that and everything you need to do for him. I think that's pretty normal.

 

Permalink Reply by Suzie on September 13, 2011 at 9:14pm

I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my dad June 26th after a long illness. My first six weeks or so, I was a total zombie!!! I cried every day, and although I don't have any anger, I do know it's one of the greiving steps.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve and find a healthy way to do it. A counsellor can really help, blogging your feelings, there are even several good books out there.

 

I think IMO your raging because your dad's gone, and your FIL is still alive, and your resenting that and everything you need to do for him. I think that's pretty normal.

 

Permalink Reply by Alysha Yeager on September 14, 2011 at 11:17am

Thank you for understanding the resentment part, because thats actually part of why I'm mad at myself. But how do I get my husband to understand? On days that I'm not raging, I am a zombie as well, and Yesterday was a rage day and I had to make sure I could still "feel" something so I picked a fight with someone and found out I can still feel, and thats npt the type of feeling that I needed to be reassured about. Lol. Looking back I see that I was in the wrong, but No matter what I did I couldn't pull myself out of the rage. Now though my face isn't numb the rest of me is again, and now I really don't want to see or talk to anybody, (my face). I think I really might need a counselor or psychiatric help. And why does that resentment placed toward my husband? I don't know, I know that I am all over the place, but it's hard for me to stay in one thought for too long, my mind is all over the place. I will respond again when my mind is a little more focused. I'm sorry.

 

Suzie said:

I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my dad June 26th after a long illness. My first six weeks or so, I was a total zombie!!! I cried every day, and although I don't have any anger, I do know it's one of the greiving steps.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve and find a healthy way to do it. A counsellor can really help, blogging your feelings, there are even several good books out there.

 

I think IMO your raging because your dad's gone, and your FIL is still alive, and your resenting that and everything you need to do for him. I think that's pretty normal.

 

Permalink Reply by Alysha Yeager on September 14, 2011 at 11:25am

I just wish I could put into words or just for a moment my husband could feel just a little of what i'm feeling, because he doesn't understand it, and I don't know how to explain it, and what little support I have, I feel like I am driving a huge wedge between my husband and I. and as well as my dad's estate, I get to deal with that as well... My mom finally stepped in because at the beginning of this month i still hadn't called Social Security, or Veterans Affairs, That made it too real and permanent for me. I'm sorry i'm all over the place, let me get back when or if my mind ever quits racing and I can focus just a little bit more.

Jennifer C. said:

Yes, I'll just speak for myself, but I can relate to the incredible stress of losing a parent. To compound my grief of my Dad's death in May, I'm continuing to clean up messes involved in my dad's estate, spending almost every weekend in a different city trying to get his home ready for sale. I can't even imagine what you must be going through, needing to deal with your father-in-law's health issues. You are very new to the grief process - be easy on yourself now. Personally, I tried to keep go-go-going with a high intensity job and a lot of commitments and ended up taking almost a month of leave in order to heal myself. Do whatever works for you. It helps to talk to others who have been through a similar situation (losing a parent or anyone who's lost someone they were close to). A good grief counselor also does a world of good. My heart goes out to you .... best wishes as you work through this.

Permalink Reply by Suzie on September 14, 2011 at 8:51pm

Again, don't be so hard on yourself. Your probaly resenting your husband because his father is still alive and yours is gone.

It's normal to feel the resentment and to feel scattered and not all there. Yes, talk to a doctor or a therapist!

I've always been on anti depressents, but she had to add a mood stabilzer for me and I take ativan when things get really bad. There's no shame in asking for help.

It's good to get it out here too, we've been in the same situations, so we'll understand.

 

I guess it all depends on how understanding and close you are to your husband. You can come right out and tell him why you resent him and why your so angry. I talk to my husband about everything, he lost his mom and his brother several years ago so he understands.

 

If you want to chat, you can email me at svmb@telus.net

Permalink Reply by Cindy Scull on September 19, 2011 at 7:24am

You are a loving kind and thoughtfull women.  And your dad would not want you to go through life angry.  Instead, as i think everyday! Is one more day closer to seeing them again!  This part of life Sucks!!!  first thing i think of everyday is my Dad and Mom, not knowing how to live without them...I try to think of all the happy memories, I shared with them!  not what i didn't do!  You were there he knows you Love him, thats all that matters!  I'm here for you!