Hello,

 

I am new to this site.  Today marks the one year anniversary of my father's passing.  I was the epitome of a Daddy's Girl, my father and I had a special relationship and the guidance and support he showed me was unmatchable by anyone else.  I miss him terribly each and every day and today is extremely difficult.  I never thought that I would be 38 years old without my dad.  My father made it thru a triple bypass only to learn that he had stage IV lung cancer.  While going thru his chemo treatments, he collapsed during a motorcade for a parade in Washington, DC and that was due to cardiac arrest.  He remained in a coma for 2 months and 8 days.  I just have such a tremendous void in my life that used to be filled with him.  There are days I just don't want to go on because the pain feels so deep but then I look at my daughters and know I have to move forward.  Most days I feel like I am just existing.  How do I heal?  How do I get to the point that when I have memories of my dad I can cherish them instead of crying because he is not here?  Yes, memories are hard for me right now even tho I have nothing but good memories.  I just need to know how to move forward without crying almost every day.

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Replies to This Discussion

Fiona,

I can completely sympathize with you about your loss.  My Dad will have passed away a year ago next month and as I feel I am getting better in dealing with his sudden death, something will set me off and then, I am in the dumps again.  I just try to remember our times together and how special of a guy and Dad he was-that gives me great comfort.  I know that saying it will get better doesn't help much-but just live your life day by day and the way your Dad would want you to.  

Sincerely, Michelle

Hi Fiona, I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. We have much in common that I am also 38 and was most definitely a 'daddy's girl' most of my life. My Dad also had lung/breathing issues that contributed to his death. It was also an unexpected passing.

 

I just lost my Dad about 3 weeks ago so I cannot add the perspective of someone that is one year out. But I can tell you that one of the things that helps me go on is that my Dad would not have wanted me to feel down and depressed over time. If your dad was anything like mine, he was very concerned whenever I was stressed or ill. There's no way he'd want me to feel that bad. So I try to put one foot in front of the other each day and go about matters concerning my Dad (his estate, burial, etc.) by trying to fulfill what I understand to be his best wishes. Just the other day, my brother and I were trying to get a bargain on his burial plot and had a good laugh that Dad, the ultimate bargain shopper, would be looking down smiling at us! We're definitely fulfilling his wishes there! Take is easy and keep in touch with us on the board as to how you are doing. I'll keep you in my prayers ...

Hi Fiona, I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. We have much in common that I am also 38 and was most definitely a 'daddy's girl' most of my life. My Dad also had lung/breathing issues that contributed to his death. It was also an unexpected passing.

 

I just lost my Dad about 3 weeks ago so I cannot add the perspective of someone that is one year out. But I can tell you that one of the things that helps me go on is that my Dad would not have wanted me to feel down and depressed over time. If your dad was anything like mine, he was very concerned whenever I was stressed or ill. There's no way he'd want me to feel that bad. So I try to put one foot in front of the other each day and go about matters concerning my Dad (his estate, burial, etc.) by trying to fulfill what I understand to be his best wishes. Just the other day, my brother and I were trying to get a bargain on his burial plot and had a good laugh that Dad, the ultimate bargain shopper, would be looking down smiling at us! We're definitely fulfilling his wishes there! Take is easy and keep in touch with us on the board as to how you are doing. I'll keep you in my prayers ...

Hi Fiona, I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. We have much in common that I am also 38 and was most definitely a 'daddy's girl' most of my life. My Dad also had lung/breathing issues that contributed to his death. It was also an unexpected passing.

 

I just lost my Dad about 3 weeks ago so I cannot add the perspective of someone that is one year out. But I can tell you that one of the things that helps me go on is that my Dad would not have wanted me to feel down and depressed over time. If your dad was anything like mine, he was very concerned whenever I was stressed or ill. There's no way he'd want me to feel that bad. So I try to put one foot in front of the other each day and go about matters concerning my Dad (his estate, burial, etc.) by trying to fulfill what I understand to be his best wishes. Just the other day, my brother and I were trying to get a bargain on his burial plot and had a good laugh that Dad, the ultimate bargain shopper, would be looking down smiling at us! We're definitely fulfilling his wishes there! Take is easy and keep in touch with us on the board as to how you are doing. I'll keep you in my prayers ...

Dear Fiona,

I commented on your home page, and hope that you were able to view it.

 

My heart still hurts for you. The one year point of our loved one going to their eternal home can be very difficult. I hope that you are doing a little better today.

 

Keeping you in my prayers,

julie

Dear Michelle,

I agree with what you said to Fiona, it does get easier with time. And even thought my own dad went to his eternal home almost 9 years ago, every once in awhile, something happens that triggers my pain again, but I am happier to say, that those times are fewer and farther between, and I have very special and wonderful memories that keep him alive in my heart.

 

I too, was a "daddy's girl." How blessed we are when we have had that special relationship!

 

I hope today is a good day for you,

julie

Michelle D said:

Fiona,

I can completely sympathize with you about your loss.  My Dad will have passed away a year ago next month and as I feel I am getting better in dealing with his sudden death, something will set me off and then, I am in the dumps again.  I just try to remember our times together and how special of a guy and Dad he was-that gives me great comfort.  I know that saying it will get better doesn't help much-but just live your life day by day and the way your Dad would want you to.  

Sincerely, Michelle

Jennifer,

I am so sorry to hear that your dear dad went to his eternal home.

 

I too, was very much my "daddy's girl." He has been gone almost 9 years, but there are times when I still miss him greatly. I am so very thankful for the blessing of being his daughter, and thankfully, the happy memories now, are much more than the painful ones.

 

I will pray for you as you go through the next couple weeks, as I remember they are both painful and stressful. So glad to hear that you and your brother were able to share that sweet moment. I believe that you dad would be happy about what you said also.

 

May you be encouraged today,

julie

Jennifer C. said:

Hi Fiona, I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. We have much in common that I am also 38 and was most definitely a 'daddy's girl' most of my life. My Dad also had lung/breathing issues that contributed to his death. It was also an unexpected passing.

 

I just lost my Dad about 3 weeks ago so I cannot add the perspective of someone that is one year out. But I can tell you that one of the things that helps me go on is that my Dad would not have wanted me to feel down and depressed over time. If your dad was anything like mine, he was very concerned whenever I was stressed or ill. There's no way he'd want me to feel that bad. So I try to put one foot in front of the other each day and go about matters concerning my Dad (his estate, burial, etc.) by trying to fulfill what I understand to be his best wishes. Just the other day, my brother and I were trying to get a bargain on his burial plot and had a good laugh that Dad, the ultimate bargain shopper, would be looking down smiling at us! We're definitely fulfilling his wishes there! Take is easy and keep in touch with us on the board as to how you are doing. I'll keep you in my prayers ...

Fiona ,time is the only thing tht will change how bad it hurts .one second at a time to one minute at a time to one hour at a time .i lost my mom 2 years ago a sudden heart attack and she was 50 she was my best friend but thts not all i am an only child and found out my father could care less if i am alive or dead all he cares about is the bottle and i was also my entire life daddys little girl or so i thought so things as u can read can always be worse  the thing tht shld help u is ur dad was in pain now he is not now he is at peace and now he ois w god .when i get down i tell myuself my mom is w god now and i try to find peace in telling myself it is selfish f me to think i have the right to question gods plan .other people w have their parents will never understand how u feel .i cant tell u how many people say wow ur still upset aboiut it get over it ....i will never get over it she was my best friend my pain has only changed  i will keep u inj my prayers

Its so hard when we lose our Daddys mine too was a wonderful man!  I had a great void when my Dad passed 12 yrs ago.  For the first 5yrs. i put a wall up and could not make it through a day with out crying!

But then I broke through that wall and realized he was heart of my heart soul of my soul,  He was with me and he would not want me to be mourning the way that I had been!  He would always say: Life is for the living! Everything I now do, I feel he was the one that taught me so i feel he is with me!  If I am in my garden, he was the one who taught everything about gardening!  In my mind I speak to him,  and we were blessed!  I have filled my voids with his Love and I sure hope I can pass that along to my daughters!  Because all humans will experiance this when life comes to and end!  I strongly believe they walk among us! That theres is an invisable world,  God knows we will all be together some day so everyday I wake up I think its one more day closer to being with my Dad and now with Mom passing a year ago I know they are together my Best Friends Forever!  I walk in there shoes!! Praying that you find a way to make a path to the peace you so deserve!  As he would want you to have!

Hi Fiona, I'm hoping I can help.  I lost my father 11 years ago.  Although, he was sick about year before he passed, it was still hard losing him.  Before my dad was sick, he was so full of life.  He loved to dance and sing and have a good time.  His favorite saying was "if I die today or tomorrow, the world doesn't owe me anything.  I've live a good life."  I try to remember that, he lived a good life and my life was enriched because I was apart of his. 

 

I still miss him and think about him often.  Sometimes when I see someone who looks like him, I think, that could be my dad.  But, of course, I know it's not.  It will take time to heal.  Crying is part of the healing process.  Some people like to speak to others about how they feel.  That is also part of the healing process.  Take care, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Why prayers, because prayers are soothing to the heart and when I pray for you, I also pray for myself and others who have experienced loss.  The Bible tells us that "God is near to those broken at heart."  So I know he is near to  me and to you. 

Fiona, it's never easy.  I lost my Dad 11 years ago, and Mom early last year.  Dad fought bravely for 3 years, with cancer.  Those were the worst and best years of my life.  Although I knew I was losing him, it also brought us closer together.  With Mom, she went through surgery, and 2 weeks later I had to let her go.  Last year was God awful.  But, time does heal.  I can finally talk about Mom without falling apart.  With Dad, it's so much easier, since time has gone by.  I have pictures all over the house and they now make me smile, remembering the good times, not the sadness.  Part of grieving is going through the pain, it gets easier, just feel it and eventually it will get better.  Be good to yourself and let your friends and family embrace you!

 

Best wishes,

 

Judy

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