Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by DebNOhio on February 15, 2011 at 9:19am

Dear Shannon,

 

My heart felt sympathy on the passing of your Mom.  We've lost 3 parents in 15 months time.

My Dad 11-5-09   My Mom 2-20-2010 and my Father in law this past Saturday.  :(

 

Your Mom was such a young age and that is the hardest thing I am sure.   Our folks were

79, 77 and 81.   No death is 'easy', but speaking for myself, the time we did have with

them was a blessing.

 

I'm sharing a photo here I took back in July of last year.   It is like a heart and an angel

all in one. 

 

The best thing you can do is go through each day, one at a time.  You handle the things you need to and you lean on other family or friends.   Coming here is good too.   FOLKS understand !!!!

 

I am a little confused with the message system here.  I saw your message and another from a guy named Michael this AM.   I could find NO way to respond.   I was happy to see you post this

message because I hunted and hunted for a way to reply.

 

Thanks for posting the photos of your Mom and you.

Sending my prayers for you and your family.

 

XO XO

Deb

 

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 15, 2011 at 9:25am

Thats how I feel! I was there the whole week before shwe dies but the last day she was comatose couldnt blink, talk or move and I see it so much I have nightmares. I feel like people are over listening to me but how can they put a time limit on grief?

Chasity Huston said:

I understand how you feel...I have found that since my mom passed away July 14th at the young age of 48, that there are no easy ways to cope. You have to find the inner peace inside you. It seems horrible now and the pain will never go away, it will just be different. My mom was my best friend and lived with me for my entire 32 years on this earth. I still walk in and expect her to be standing in the kitchen or watching TV. You will start to have your good days and bad days; even good hours and bad hours. Their will be triggers that will take you back to that very day when you said good-bye to her. I still wake up in the middle of the night and see her face when I found her lying in the bed. I see it when I am driving down the road, at work, cooking dinner or anything. She was your mom...you will miss her and your heart will hurt for her forever. I am probably the worst person to give any advice, since I am crying now, and can't really even speak of my mom yet without crying. I can't tell you how to cope or what will help for you. But, I can tell you that I know how you feel and it does help to have people to talk to when you need that little pep talk or just want to talk about your mom. I am here if you ever need a friend to talk to!

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 15, 2011 at 9:28am

Thank you...thats funny because my moms dad died Dec 26 2009 and her mom June 2010 so she held on til Feb 5 2011 I was close to all three. Im just grateful my mom was "with it"  up til last month when deterioration started. I am grateful I found this site!

DebNOhio said:

Dear Shannon,

 

My heart felt sympathy on the passing of your Mom.  We've lost 3 parents in 15 months time.

My Dad 11-5-09   My Mom 2-20-2010 and my Father in law this past Saturday.  :(

 

Your Mom was such a young age and that is the hardest thing I am sure.   Our folks were

79, 77 and 81.   No death is 'easy', but speaking for myself, the time we did have with

them was a blessing.

 

I'm sharing a photo here I took back in July of last year.   It is like a heart and an angel

all in one. 

 

The best thing you can do is go through each day, one at a time.  You handle the things you need to and you lean on other family or friends.   Coming here is good too.   FOLKS understand !!!!

 

I am a little confused with the message system here.  I saw your message and another from a guy named Michael this AM.   I could find NO way to respond.   I was happy to see you post this

message because I hunted and hunted for a way to reply.

 

Thanks for posting the photos of your Mom and you.

Sending my prayers for you and your family.

 

XO XO

Deb

 

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by LGWilson on February 15, 2011 at 9:51am

Honey, I understand how you feel.  I hopiced my mom alone, no help from my siblings.  Infact they caused chaos while she was on her deathbed.  Mine went in a month from colon and uterine cancer.  I made her a comfortable as absolutlely possible, felt blessed for having had an incred relationship with her and sent her out in style = beautiful funeral.  Everything was red and gold and white.  My mom was mu bf too.  She loved valentines day, it was her favorite holiday because ofcourse she was a person with a great heart and grt capacity for kindness.  I miss her so much.  It's been over a yr and I am just now starting to not be so griefed out but I still cry over the most minute things,  It's a lifelong process.  Your body, mind, heart, psyche has to grieve and come to terms with the passing of the relationship and all that you shared.  The deeper the love, the more painful it is.  But it does get better.  I talk to her all the time and have her last rosary from hospice hanging from my rearview mirror and I often touch it and pray while driving...telling her I miss her and thanking her for the love.

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 16, 2011 at 12:43pm

I am so glad I found this site because no one really feels my pain or they think I  should      be able to pop right back into life when all I want to do is cry and think of mom

Permalink Reply by Judy on February 21, 2011 at 3:46pm

That kind of reminded me of my Mom too.  She had a pacemaker replaced to 'help' her, 12 days later I had to tell the dr to take her off life support.  Her entire body was shutting down.  On the day of her death, we were all there, talking, praying, sharing with her.  Later that night she died.  My best friend went back later that evening, emailing, talking, praying, singing.  She was there when she took her last breath.  I was so thankful for that.  10 years prior my Dad struggled with cancer, was on hospice.  I found him in his bed, luckily he passed away peacefully.  It's never easy.  After Dad died, I became Mom's caregiver, which I loved.  I enjoyed the 10 years we shared together. Lots of laughter, lots of dr visits, lots of shopping!  God, I miss that.  What I miss the most is the way she'd say my name in German.  That's something I still hear, even after a year now that's she's gone.  It does get easier.

Permalink Reply by Henry Sawicki Jr on February 22, 2011 at 2:30am

Hi Shannon,

 

IM so sorry for your loss.  My Mom who was my best friend, my confidant, my hero passed away from breast cancer on November 3, 2009.  I miss her so much that the pain is to much to handle some times.  I called a few Hospice centers in my town looking for a support group or anything that could help me.  I was referred to a berevement therapist for some one on one talk, and discovered that she was offered a grant through Susan B Koman, and anyone effected by cancer was able to receive counseling at no cost! And as a result of seeing this therapist she referred me to a 12 week grief recovery workshop, it was not a group where you go around the room and share, its actually a workbook that you work out of in small groups, If I was you? I would look for assistance there! it did me wonders!

 

You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Henry

 

Permalink Reply by Sue Lantz on April 12, 2011 at 5:55pm

Hi Shannon,

 

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I know what you are going through. I lost my hero, my mentor, my best friend and mom to Lung Cancer on 10-15-10 at the age of 57.

Although nothing can prepare you for what was going to happen, and nothing can prepare you for life after mom, but I was so lucky to have my mom. She was my only parent, and we were close as can be. For 17 months I watched helplessly as my mom fought for her life, and during this fight, the only thing on my mom's mind was to make sure I would be okay.

I know one day I will be okay, not sure when, I've lost myself a few times without her, you see I spent everyday for 17 months with her, at doctors, at chemo treatments, surgeries, and just sitting with her. Those although were the hardest days of her life and mine, we had the most amazing talks, and I'm forever grateful for that time.

Shannon, I don't have the perfect words to say, but I know the pain you are going through. Take the time for your loss, take it one day at a time. If you ever need to talk I am here, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Your mom is always with you!

 

Sue

Permalink Reply by elyse on April 16, 2011 at 10:34am

hi Shannon,

i am right there with you, my mom (whose birthday happens to be feb. 5th) died shortly after your mom, on feb. 19th and I am feeling the pain more and more with each passing day that I cant see my mom, talk to my mom, be with my mom.  I know everyone says that our mothers are with us, but for now i like to be honest with my raw emotions and just say thats not good enough.  I know we will go through  many stages of our grief and my only advice is to let whatever emotions come up be what they are without disguise. sad, cry, angry scream, etc.  i am new to the support groups but i am finding comfort reading others words that reflect how i feel and connecting with other daughters who have lost their moms.

i am so sorry for your loss.

xo

Elyse