Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by dana grable on October 8, 2012 at 2:54pm

Heather, My heart breaks for you.  My mom passed away in July 2012 it still hurts but I wanted to share how i am coping and maybe it might help you. My father has became my world. I check on him everyday. I live about and hour and half away so I go up once a month to eat with him. We talk on the phone or in person about him and mom and all the funny things they did. I have heard every date story, every silly thing they did when they first had me and neither knew how to put a diaper on a baby. We always try to stay focused on the good or even silly parts of their life together. I actually started writing some of it down just so I won't forget when my dad finally leaves me. We made a promise that if one of us starts getting teary eyed then we stop that conversation and talk about another funny thing they did.  so instead of focusing on your father not being here ( i know that is going to be hard ) and your siblings being just plain foolish...you need to spend this precious time with your mom and help her to remember all the good and funny times your father and her had together. Keep concentrating on all the happy times every day and all day. You may even find yourself writing down a few just so you won't forget. If your mom is not able to remember (you didn't say if she was having memory issues)  then sit with her and just look thru pictures. You will eventually find her smiling at one I am sure.  Just remember You be the best daughter that you can be to your mom.  Our parents are such special people and each day we have with them is a blessing. Find away to make your mom and you both smile and you will feel peace come into your heart. And your dad will be so very proud of you for taking care of his special girl.  Remember are time with our parents is very special so spend time with your mom everyday or at least call her everyday and hug her as much as you can. I will be praying for you.

Dana

Permalink Reply by Lora Wallace on October 8, 2012 at 7:22pm

I come and go at site also. I think I'm ok for a while and then it all hits again. I miss my Mom and sister. I try to keep busy. Working helps. I think we are all normal. This is just a part of grieving.

Permalink Reply by Diamond on October 8, 2012 at 8:02pm

Hello Heather, I truly do understand your emotions and what you are going through in respects to your sibling.   I feel for the situation you find yourself in now - however,  please do not despair too much.  You are fulfilling your responsibility to your mother as much as possible - you are indeed obeying the commandment given in the Bible in respects to "honoring your mother and father."  (Ephesians 6:2,3)   

Heather, there are so many dynamics to the composition of a family - that some of it is hard to understand.  What you are going through have been experienced by so many more people.  

Heather, the love you have for your Dad will always be a part of you.  If you can just think of the good times, the many conversation you had with your dad, his smile, his energy and all of his love he had for you.  Cherish those beautiful moments. 

What will make the difference between you and your sibling is that - you will have that inner peace and calm knowing that you did what you could for both of your parents.   You will not live with the "what if or if only I."   

Give it time - your sibling may come around - they may be hurting in their own way.  I know, it may be hard to understand that due to them not coming around - but that is how they are best handling their emotions as of now. 

Treasure your quiet time to get in touch with your emotions and enjoy the lack of "drama."  Please take advantage of the time you now have with your Mother.  Enjoy her!  Just remember Almighty God has promised us far more then what we have in this life. (Revelation 21:3,4)

Permalink Reply by HEather Brennan on October 9, 2012 at 9:49pm

Thank u dana, lora, and diamond. Ur words are bitter sweet. I dread mornings these days. Funny too, the people u would least expect to support u, are the ones there. Yet another life lesson. Im tired of lessons rite now. Hugs n prayers for u all.

Permalink Reply by Betty jean on October 10, 2012 at 5:13am

Hey I also come and come to this site. My mom passed away in March 2012, she was best friend we talked everyday on my way to work and on my way home. I cry every morning, I keep hearing people say it gets easier but for me it's getting harder everyday I miss her more and more. I really don't think my friends know exactly what to say to me. I am like Dana my dad and I have become closer he depends on me to take care of him and everything (he doesn't drive) so once a week I go do his shopping and setup his med minder and we talk on the phone everyday. Kinda funny yesterday while on the phone I was telling him how much I miss mom and really need to talk to her so much to tell and she always had the right answer so I started telling him some things and he said "well ok then I will call you later, love you" guess he really didn't know what to say he just kinda giggled.
I have a brother and sister that don't call or help with anything same as when mom was sick I took care of her everyday my sister was a sneaky person and betrayed my mother during her illness and did some things that are unforgivable. During the funeral arrangements when the funeral director said the amount and who would be taking care of it they practically crawled under the table My husband and I already knew we would be doing that and had no problem with it. My brother and sister both asked me to order them memory boxes and they are still at my house. I have not talked to my sister in months she called my dad on my moms birthday and told him she was upset that she didn't get anything that belonged to mom and it was not fair that I got everything. My mom was so sick for years that they canceled her life insurance and she really didn't have much to give so I don't know what she thinks mom had or what she is entitled to.
I have come to realize that mom really did hold the family together. I miss my nieces and nephews dearly but I don't need my sisters attitude or drama. I really don't know what to do.
Coming here and expressing my feelings helps me and thanks to everyone who takes the time to read my post and offer advice and comfort when I am in much need of both.
Betty

Permalink Reply by Diamond on October 10, 2012 at 6:32pm

Hello Heather,

Yes, sometimes, life lessons are hard but also wonderful!  The people that you least expect to support you are a blessing and the ones that do not support you add wisdom to your years.

There exist companions disposed to break one another to pieces, but there exists a friend sticking closer than a brother.-Proverbs 18:24

Yes, it hurts when those we expect to support us disappear - however, it will also prevent you from having high-expectation in the future; which also protect you from any additional pain.   You become more discerning.  Be good to yourself - try not to hold onto the pain that disappointed you.   I know you dearly miss your love one but try to cherish the beautiful memories you have of them.  Cherish the moments you spent together. 

If it helps you to write about your emotions - then do that - and in time - you will see how times really heals.

 

HEather Brennan said:

Thank u dana, lora, and diamond. Ur words are bitter sweet. I dread mornings these days. Funny too, the people u would least expect to support u, are the ones there. Yet another life lesson. Im tired of lessons rite now. Hugs n prayers for u all.