I wasn't ready to say goodbye

My father died suddenly on March 29 2012. He was 52. It still seems unreal that he is gone. I am still expecting him to call me or pull up in his car. I am struggling with an overwhelming sadness and a deep ache in my heart. My Dad was my world. I was always "daddy's girl." I would give anything to talk to him once more and tell him how much we loved him and we were thankful for all the sacrifices he made to provide for our family. I still hear his voice in my head. Sometimes I find this comforting and other times I wish I could turn it off because it makes me so incredibly sad! I went and visited him at the cemetary yesterday, this starts a whole mix of emotions. It feels good to go there and talk to him but at the same time reality hits HARD.......HE IS GONE. THAT SUCKS. ITS NOT FAIR. I try to surround myself with his photos and replay all the memories we had together in my head. I just need to feel close to him. I know he is watching over my family and I from heaven. I still talk to him... alot. That helps. I hope God lets him hear me. I miss you so much Dad my life is not the same and never will be the same without you. You are the best DAD in the whole world. Always know how much you are loved. Someday when Rylie is older I will do everything in my power to show her what a special loving funny Grandpa she had. You were taken from us much too soon. I am not sure why. Maybe someday I will know the answer. Until that moment when we reunite in heaven. Rest in Peace Dad. Maybe now you are fishing with your "sis" Love you- your daughter Blonde

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Permalink Reply by Holly R. Atkins on April 30, 2012 at 3:56pm

I understand what you are going thru. My mom passed on 4/11/2012 in her sleep. She was 54. I miss her dearly. Each day has gotten easier. I have a lot of support from my husband and brother. Everyone else is just trying to get some of her things. I hate it. Mothers day will be the worst. We shared so many memories and it is so hard on us. I take happiness in knowing how much she loved us and all her grand kids. Last night my youngest was doing some silly dancing so I recorded him on my phone and I saw orbs flying around him. It was so peaceful and made me very happy. I hope you feel better

Permalink Reply by Elizabeth on May 20, 2012 at 3:21am

I understand how you are feeling. My father passed April 4,2012. He was 53. It was an accident at work. My daughter turned 1 on April 25. It is very hard to think she will not know him. It is not how it was supposed to be. It sucks just like you said and it is unfair. My father loved to sing and I constantly am recalling him singing to my daughter in my head. I'm glad he met her. I try recalling happy memories which helps at times and hurts at times. Although I know I will see him again in heaven I wish I could talk to him one last time get one last hug. It is better some days and not others. Reaching out when you need to is good. Praying you feel better.

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