It's been almost six months since the passing of my mother from Ovarian Cancer and yet I can't seem to get myself to go out with my friends. I know I'm isolating myself but I don't have the energy to pick myself up and see anybody. I'm afraid that I'm just not going to be happy and don't want to bring down my friends. I am on anti anxiety medication and speaking to a therapist, but I'm still unhappy. I spoke to my father today and he says its time to move on with my life and how my mother wouldn't want me to sit at home and wallow, but that's easier said that done. He is already dating and he doesn't seem unhappy even though he lost his life partner of 45 years.
Why is this so hard for me? Here I am 40 years old and single and yet I don't want to go out and meet anyone new or socialize with my friends. They're starting to worry about me and I'm starting to worry about me.
I started journaling and trying new hobbies like needlepointing to try to get my mind off of my Mom, but I dream about her every night and think about her all the time and every time I think about her, I start to tear up! I think the problem is that her death was so quick and took all of us by surprise. I didn't even get to say Goodbye to her. She was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in December of 2009 and by May of 2010 she was gone. She was in the hospital after her third chemo and I said "See you tomorrow Mom, I love you" and that night, she turned blue and never regained consciousness! I believe that not having the closure I needed is keeping me from moving on!
This is all new to me as I have never been this depressed before so any advice would be appreciated!