It's been almost 4 years now.

Dec. 26th 2008 I lost my Mom to Cancer that she had been battling on and off for 16 years. Every year around this time of year I always have an overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression when it should be a time of fellowship and giving. I can't help but miss her and its very hard for me to express this with my extended family members because we aren't that close. I don't have many people to talk to about this and it's like when I open up I get responses that I should be over it by now. How do I just "get over" the loss of my Mom?!? I joined this group in hopes to find others that can relate to what I've been going through for 4 years and hopefully to help others out as well. I plan on being more active with this group even though I haven't really commented on many things. I just really wish I had some comfort and understanding. I just feel like everyone has moved on and has forgotten about her and I can't seem to let go of the feelings I had when I watched her drift off to Heaven. I don't know what to do. I feel like I still need her.

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Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 7, 2012 at 10:09pm

Frank Im deeply sorry for the loss of your mom and most recently your wife. What an accomplishment of spending 40 wonderful years with her. Unfortunately marriages now a days hardly last. I know that this christmas season may be tough for you I hope you will be surrounded with friends and family. Meg thanks for the encouraging words! I do try to write from time to time actually. so far it hasn't helped much but I will try more.

Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 7, 2012 at 10:55pm

Stacy thanks for responding. I had a step mom for 17 years key word had. My dad and her divorced last sept and hes already engaged to someone else. Its things like that that make me miss her more. My dad is so wrapped up in his new life and has little time for me. Its hard how distant my family is. my parents were only married for the first five years of my life and then my dad quickly married my step mom. For over 17 years she knew me and never once wanted to get to know me. Its just very sad and frustrating. Dad doesn't make an effort now and it feels like Im parentless. I yearn for my moms love and comfort and just to do those things mothers and daughters do that I took for granted before.

Permalink Reply by Stacey on December 8, 2012 at 2:04pm

that is definitely a bad situation...my stepmother wasn't close to me either. After she passed my dad lived with me for a year before he fell and broke his hip. It gave us time to reconnect. he was actually surprised how I felt. You could try it in the new year after the holidays. I suspect even if he understands it won't be the same as having your mom. We are thinking of you and hear if you need us. Trybto get through Christmas and the 26th. It will be rough....

Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 8, 2012 at 2:55pm

Yeah in a few days Dad my Brother and I are going to Florida for a day so I hope we can spend some time talking about things. I think the one thing Im mostly upset about was that mom was only 47 when she passed.

Permalink Reply by MEG Amelia on December 10, 2012 at 6:16am

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4714/8-Tips-for-Understanding-Grief-...

Permalink Reply by TammyDHU on December 18, 2012 at 11:29pm

I sometimes have a horrible thought. My mother has now reached the age of 67, my father only just made it there, now he is gone. I don't want to allow it but I sometimes can't help the reality that one day it is possible I may have to experience the horror of her death too. Even during the years up to the things that have happened this year I have had nightmares of this reality and how much of a horrible thing it could (and probably will be) to me, but not too often. The instant I learned my father was gone this year, those thoughts have crept into my skull a little more often.

I have always tried to be the "good daughter" to my mother. It has been basically just her and I against the world it seemed after her marriage with my father broke apart and I found myself, literally a stranger to her, growing up in her house with her. But I cherish my mom, I would walk across an ocean for her if someone told me I needed to. She is not only my beloved mother, but also my closest friend in life, and I'm pretty sure I am hers too. She fought valiantly to have me with her when my father left years ago, and has always been my fiercest protector as well as my biggest fan, no matter what I do in my life. I am today so doubly grateful I have her still in my life and she is fairly healthy and a very strong, determined woman as her mother was before her. I don't waste one minute I spend with her, we cry together, share thoughts, laugh together sometimes to the point of tears over silly stuff as we really enjoy each others' company and those moments are priceless. I am sad for anyone who has lost a parent, but my mother is stellar in my life. Hopefully if and when the day comes I should need to face her loss, I want to come out of it having no regrets. God bless you Kathy, and all those who lost their mother. I take your story to heart and let it direct how I live my life today!!!

-T.

Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 19, 2012 at 9:27am

Thanks Tammy for the response. Yeah I have too had those same feeling of the inevitable that didn't become so terrifying until I witnessed the passing of my Mom. Now they aren't as strong in my mind but every so often I wonder what it will be like when I drift off into eternal sleep. My mom was such a strong woman and I definitely took her for granted. I know this now and the reality of it gives me much sorrow but I know that she loved me dearly and I loved her too. She went to heaven so gracefully. Im so glad that you are so close to your mother! It saddens me when I head stories form people who talk so poorly about their parents. I'm so thankful for the moments that I was able to share with her because not even two years before her passing I had a very estranged relationship with her. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad. If you ever need anyone to talk to or just to vent to im all ears!

Permalink Reply by Susie Allison on December 19, 2012 at 7:48pm

Dear Kathy, I am so sorry to hear you have lost your mom to cancer 4 years ago. I too lost my mom in 2005 at 83years of age, and it is still difficult for me when I think of her and see she is no longer here. Oh, how I do miss her. I think of things she would say to me in her southern accent, and it is there embetted into my heart. She was very active up to the day she died. The doctor said her heart just gave out. It hurts when I think I can no longer hear her voice or see her walking. She was the only one I could talk to about the family and she would listen attentively with a caring ear, then express her opinion. She was always there for me, and I was always there for her up to the last. Even though I have moved on since that dreadful day in June when she closed her eyes in deaf, I want to see her again and be with her, and talk to her about so many things. I am looking forward to the time when that does takes place here on the earth.

Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 19, 2012 at 8:34pm

I know exactly what you mean! I feel the same way and miss mom dearly. she passed away at 47 which is young. I was only 20 when she passed and its a hard concept for me to deal with. I will live longer without her here than with her. It makes me sad. I miss her so much it hurts.

Permalink Reply by Susie Allison on December 26, 2012 at 11:18pm

Dear Kathy, I hope your days since the first time I emailedl you been OK. Certain times of the year can throw us back to the times we had with our love one which is ok, fine and good, because memory is something our Creator put into us. There was something you said when your mother died that I felt as well. That is, when my mother died I felt as though I was all alone in this big world. Whereas, my dear friends have help me to pull through, as well as the hope that is in the Bible. (Acts 24:15) Our love one is resting in a state of non existence (death), the complete opposite of life. And in God's due time he will bring them back to life. This he has promised to do by means of our Lord Jesus. (2 Corinthians 1:20) And holding on to this hope has helped me through the years to keep in view the time when those that have died, whom God has rememebered, will be resurrected back to life here on the earth. I hope this have given you a measure of comfort, because it has comfort me to share this with you.

Kathy said:

I know exactly what you mean! I feel the same way and miss mom dearly. she passed away at 47 which is young. I was only 20 when she passed and its a hard concept for me to deal with. I will live longer without her here than with her. It makes me sad. I miss her so much it hurts.

Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 26, 2012 at 11:26pm

Thanks for your words of comfort. Today is the anniversary of my moms passing and it's been tough but I have tried to distract myself. I'm just feel numb right now.

Permalink Reply by Susie Allison on December 27, 2012 at 12:02am

Kathy, I will keep you in my prayers. And may you pray. Because our heavenly Father is the Hearer of prayers, and He gives us comfort by means of his Word, and through the tongue of others.(Psalms 65:2; 2 Corinthians 1:3,4) So please, talk to Him, he is not far off, or a distant person, but is very near.