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Dear Courtney,

You are a very loving, successful & grateful daughter. Please take comfort in that. Growing up, You were loved by your parents & they taught you how to give love in return. That is the biggest & most important life lesson any parent can give to their child. My heart breaks for you, at the loss of your wonderful Father. That love will never die, as you honor him by sharing that love with your fiance' and your future children. You will see your Father in those children; their little faces, their laughter, the way they'll look at you with admiration, love & pride. You'll find yourself repeating your Father's stern words while you teach them right from wrong. You will also pass along that deep, unwavering love that he gave to you. He will be with you, always, even long after you have learned to live your life without his physical being. My personal belief is that his spirit or energy lives on inside of you & that we keep our loved ones "alive" through memories, lessons, stories of fun times that you shared, sad times when his shoulders held you up with comfort. As time goes on, it doesn't fade, nor does it get any easier. But, we learn to live with the loss, knowing that no one else will ever fill the void. You have a big heart, Courtney, & it has plenty of space to let others live there too. I'm very sorry about your Mother's injury. I, myself, just since January fell 3 times & hit my head hard with each fall. I smashed my face terribly in 2 of the falls & I looked like a loser of a cage fight. I'm also 69 years old. Your Mom must have been suffering the deepest kind of grief & loneliness with serious injuries so soon after losing her husband. Just the touch of the hand between lovers, is more healing than any therapy could do. Was your Father ill for some time or was he stricken suddenly? I ask because I lost my own Mother last October after years of seeing her deteriorate slowly & cruelly with Dementia. At the age of 87, she was diagnosed with breast cancer too. She had to have a radical Mastectomy & by the end of the first day, she didn't remember it. That is the only blessing that Dementia provides. Along with all good memories, the bad ones were gone too. I am in the process of finding new homes for all of her possessions & clothing. I just wasn't ready to give away the last tangibles. May 9th is her birthday & I have the honor of spreading her ashes in one of the most beautiful places in the Great Smokey Mountains; a place she loved so much. We are stronger people than we give ourselves credit for. You will get through this & life does go on, if you let it. Again, I'm so sorry you are suffering with this loss. You will be in my prayers from now on. God bless you & your family. BTW, your letter to your Father was not only beautiful but beautifully written!

Mary

I am definitely in the same position. I just lost my dad and its been now going on 2 years with no closure. I was denied my right to pay my last respects to my own father over family greed. I don't wish this on anyone but losing your father or any parent is so heartbreaking.

It truly, truly is.  I think the most difficult part for me right now is the inability to talk with him and get his advice.  For the entirety of my life, he was always my go-to person, who would answer the phone day or night, rain or shine, no matter what, without fail.  Now that I am going through my own health crisis, the only thing I want to do after each doctor's appointment is call him.  It's utterly heart breaking that I have to go a lifetime without hearing his wisdom and kind words of support.  Though it has been a year, it feels like it's been two minutes.  The pain hasn't gotten better, but if anything, worse.  It is as if the shock of the entire situation has prevented me from coping, and now that it has been a year, my heart is only now grasping the concept of no longer having him present in my life (physically).  :(  

Jenn B said:

I am definitely in the same position. I just lost my dad and its been now going on 2 years with no closure. I was denied my right to pay my last respects to my own father over family greed. I don't wish this on anyone but losing your father or any parent is so heartbreaking.

I LOST MY WONDERFUL DAD 12/10/14 & IT WAS UNEXPECTED ALTHOUGH WE HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP I FEEL GUILT IN SO MANY ASPECTS!! I TALKED TO HIM NIGHT BEFORE WHY DIDN'T I CALL 911 WHY DID I LISTEN TO HIS GIRLFRIEND THAT HE WAS FINE THAT SHE WOULD TAKE CARE OF HIM MY HEART ACHES EVERY DAY!! HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND I FIND MYSELF PICKING UP PHONE TO CALL HIM IT IS ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL THINGS I'VE HAD TO EXPERIENCE FEELING LOST AND VERY SAD!!

Such a touching letter and from the heart.   Knowing that you believe that he is watching is a comfort.  Proud of you.  

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