Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jennifer C. on February 2, 2012 at 10:46pm

Yvonne, I'm sorry for your loss - we're all here for you. I lost my Dad too, unexpectedly. Last May. Take good care of yourself ...

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on February 4, 2012 at 3:55pm

Yvonne,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad. We are here for you. I'm glad that he was alert and oriented as that was a good sign. Please don't beat yourself up as I don't think you let him him down.

 

I lost my dad on July 3, 2010. My dad had a heart attack and he also had a cork-screw esophagus which is basically that. He wasn't very alert either. He passed away that morning. I wasn't there to say goodbye as my mom called and told me that he had passed away. I get pretty emotional which I am right now as my birthday is coming up and his birthday was January 16th so, it's been a rough few months for me as well as the holidays. The pain that I feel right now is pretty bad but, I know that it'll get better and it will. I love my dad with all my heart and he knew that. I took care of him for the last few days until he had to go into a nursing home as we thought that was the best decision for us as my mom had to work full-time and I work part-time.

 

We have his voice on the answering machine which is fine with us and comforting. I'm doing O.K. but, I have my hard times.

The best thing to do is to cry and do whatever ways that you need to do to cope.

 

Take Care and God Bless,

 

Lori Sherry

 

Permalink Reply by Ella Whitfield on February 21, 2012 at 12:35pm

Yvonne, I am so sorry to hear about your father.  I wish I could give you words of encouragement that would mean something to you right now, but all I can tell you is to hang in there.  Hold on to those thoughts of him tiptoeing, laughing and being concerned about you because that was his way of saying he loved you.  You did not let your father down, he of all people knew you loved him dearly because if you didn't you wouldn't have given of yourself those 12 years where so many children don't.  Be encouraged because the Lord will see you through this one day at a time until the pain subsides.  I too am suffering, I lost my darling mother on the 28th of December 2011 and I know how your feeling.  She passed away from starving herself to death.  She lived in my home for 2 years before I had to put her in an assisted living facility.  The reason I did that was because my father was afraid for her because she had dementia.  I fought him off four seems like four years and refused to do it, but I gave in to him and not a month into her being in that place she passed out because her kidneys gave out.  From there she was hospitalized and on to rehab.  In rehab is where her starvation started, somehow she didn't feel the need to eat anymore then lasted til December when the Lord call her home.  So you see I too feel I did this, I caused her death because I wasn't strong enough to fight and say no.  So we will share this walk together and this healing process together until we both can say "WE ARE OKAY"!!  Hang in there.

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on February 21, 2012 at 4:12pm

Ella,

My name is Lori Sherry. You're right, You just have to hang in there. Hold on to those thoughts. You didn't let your father down. He loved you. The Lord will see you through this as I know with all of the other losses in my life.

I to am suffering as I lost my dad on July 3, 2010. I wasn't there when he passed away. My mom called and said that he had passed away as he wasn't doing very well anyway but, he did pass away as he had a heart attack. He was in a nursing home at the time as my mom or I couldn't take care of him anymore as my mom had to work and I'm disabled so, I'm not able to do very much but, I was able to help some which I was glad to do.

He did live for very long after he went into the nursing home. We had wanted him to be in a rehab hospital but, they didn't take him. He did get physical therapy though which didn't help. He ate very little as he couldn't keep anything down.

 

I'm trying to be strong but, it's really hard sometimes as yesterday was my birthday and as expected I was pretty emotional yesterday.

We will share this walk together and the healing process together until we can say "WE ARE OKAY"!! Hang in there.

 

I'm doing O.K. but, I do have my hard times. If anybody wants to write to me through the group, please do.

 

Take Care and God Bless,

Lori Sherry

 

Ella Whitfield said:

Yvonne, I am so sorry to hear about your father.  I wish I could give you words of encouragement that would mean something to you right now, but all I can tell you is to hang in there.  Hold on to those thoughts of him tiptoeing, laughing and being concerned about you because that was his way of saying he loved you.  You did not let your father down, he of all people knew you loved him dearly because if you didn't you wouldn't have given of yourself those 12 years where so many children don't.  Be encouraged because the Lord will see you through this one day at a time until the pain subsides.  I too am suffering, I lost my darling mother on the 28th of December 2011 and I know how your feeling.  She passed away from starving herself to death.  She lived in my home for 2 years before I had to put her in an assisted living facility.  The reason I did that was because my father was afraid for her because she had dementia.  I fought him off four seems like four years and refused to do it, but I gave in to him and not a month into her being in that place she passed out because her kidneys gave out.  From there she was hospitalized and on to rehab.  In rehab is where her starvation started, somehow she didn't feel the need to eat anymore then lasted til December when the Lord call her home.  So you see I too feel I did this, I caused her death because I wasn't strong enough to fight and say no.  So we will share this walk together and this healing process together until we both can say "WE ARE OKAY"!!  Hang in there.

Permalink Reply by Toni on February 21, 2012 at 6:39pm

Yvonne

I am sorry for your loss. My father died in January 2010. I still miss him everyday and wish I could speak with him one more time. It does get better but as you know you will always miss your father. Even my joys are bittersweet because I can't share them with my father. I believe I will see him again in the next life and gain some comfort in this belief but his loss leaves a void in my life and my heart.

I treasure my time with my mother more since my father died, which is a positive. I am a better daughter more understanding and loving to my mother because I know my father would want me to be and have developed more compassion.

Take care,

Toni

Permalink Reply by Rhonda Farrell on February 24, 2012 at 7:14am

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my dad January 8, 2011 suddenly. There is really nothing anyone can say to help your pain right now. Except talk about it to anyone that will listen and this is one place that will listen. Grief is a process and everyone goes through it differently. Hang in there and God bless you and your family

Permalink Reply by Linda Torres on February 28, 2012 at 4:55pm

Losing a parent is not a easy thing, but know that there are many of us out here willing to hear you and understands what you are going through. This site has helped me realize that. I couldn't figure out why I am having such a hard time with Mom's death. After all, my Dad died in 1992 so I "knew" how I would feel, how long the intense pain lasts, etc...the long winding road of "getting over it." But with Mom's death, everything is different, not one thing is the same. And I figured out a couple of things...Mom and I were there with each other dealing with Daddy's cancer and death. I had my Mom's support and love, and at 25 yrs old, I still needed my Mommy to make me feel better. Ten months after Daddy died, Mom had a major stroke, and once again I became a caregiver. Only this time, I was alone. We had 19 wonderful years together after that debilitating stroke and our roles most definitely reversed. She'd have bad days and good days, but any day that Mom was still around was a good day. Even though I have second guessed every minute of that fateful day on June 6, 2011 when Mom had the stroke that killed her 12 days later, I could not have prevented it. And that is what is so hard about being the caregiver...you feel like you should have been able to do something, you didn't do enough,  you should've done so and so different. I feel like I killed Mom, not the stroke. I'm still dealing with the guilt of letting her die, and she is never out of my thoughts, but I can say each day gets a little better. 

It's alot easier to say than do, but you need to somehow diminish the guilt about not being there the moment your Dad died. You were there for him all those days he needed you. Each of us deals with this in our own way, you need to find yours. For me, its was taking a trip that Mom and I would do...it was like she was in the car with me and I started to feel better. Like I said before, I still have the guilt, but it's not all consuming me anymore. Even though you think that day will never come, it will; and until then know that your Dad is with you always.